[During the news]
Richard: But if you think about this, the Chinese, they say they're gonna be investing ten million pounds in Longbridge, yeah? Well... that's a lot of money, if you're gonna spend it on sweets. But I've done some research on this, seriously, Mercedes spend ten million pounds on research alone... every single day! So where's that gonna go?
Jeremy: Well, exactly, no - and they end up with cars that you might want to buy. Now, I can't think of anyone I've ever met who thinks, "Yes, my life would be complete if I could buy an eleven-year-old sports car that's made in China and then nailed together by a bunch of blokes in Birmingham."
James: What you're forgetting is the, is the great affection that is felt all over the world for the traditional Blitish sports car.

[during the news]
Richard: My daughter is five years old, she loves cleaning the car with me. We share it.
Jeremy: Oh, do you live in a yoghurt commercial?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Tonight: we drive a Formula One car... indoors; Hannibal Lector is in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and we go on a caravan holiday!

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: I drive the scariest car in the world. James drives the least scary car in the world. And we all drive a car with a monkey on the roof.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: I get a hot head..."Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire..."; Richard gets another Top Gear dog "Help!"; And James has some trouble with wind.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: I investigate some new in-car dogging technology. Richard races a man dressed as a squirrel. And with a wing and a prayer, the Koenigsegg is back on our track.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: I'm ruining the tranquillity of the Yorkshire Dales. Richard ruins Iceland. And we all ruin a local radio show.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Noble's difficult third album comes to our track; the art of being a white van man; and the Suzuki Liana is back with some bloke called Jenson Button!

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: The new Citroën C6: hovercraft or horse manure? Jackie Chan teaches Captain Slow how to drive. And don't bother watching the World Cup, because we've drank it already.

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight: Is a Peugeot faster than two men? Has Lamborghini gone mad again? And can we build a whole car in 8 hours?

[examining the tiny berth Jeremy has to sleep in]
James: That's not a bed, is it?
Richard: [laughing] There is no way you are gonna make it through the night!
Jeremy: I have worked my fingers to the bone for this!
James: What a reward!
Richard: You can't sleep on that, Jeremy. It's gonna go, and then you'll break your back in the middle of the night... and that'll wake everybody!
Jeremy: You two are sleeping in a double bed! I'm gonna ring "The Daily Mail" immediately!

[Hammond has just flipped his Suzuki Super Carry.]
Jeremy: So, um, I guess he could be dead!
James: Well, there's a police car at the scene of the accident, so...
Jeremy: Well, if he is dead, and you fancy a job on Top Gear, why not write to us at "I'm better than Richard Hammond was...
Richard: I may have... have overcooked that a bit.
Jeremy: ...BBC, Wood Lane, London W12 7TS!"
Series 9

[heading to Woburn Abbey Safari Park in the convertible Renault Espace]
Richard: [to James] Well, let's put it this way: if you were to be locked inside a phone box for half an hour with: a) a monkey, or b) a lion, there you go! What would you go for?
James: The lion.
Both: What?
James: No, because monkeys, in confined spaces, those Barbary monkeys, they panic and they get really, incredibly violent.
Jeremy: I love the way that James thinks that monkeys are, in some way, the greatest peril that we're facing... in the next hour of our lives.

[hearing a bang as he drives a Porsche Cayenne Turbo S]
Richard: Ow! Oh, that sounded expensive.

[In the Caterham race]
James: Don't hit it with a hammer!
Jeremy: Why?
James: ...because that's the tool of a pikey!