Jeremy: [trying to say he can't get out of the car in Italian to 2 service station workers]
[subtitle: My prawns don't function]

Jeremy: [voiceover] And what's more, the Leaf can even deliver your own personal Greenpeace lecture.
[short jingle]
Jeremy: It's talking! [looking visibly surprised while it speaks]
Electronic female voice: By the 12th of May, electric cars worldwide saved a total of 344,000 eco-trees.
Jeremy: What!?
Electronic female voice: And 659 tonnes of carbon-dioxide has been reduced.
Jeremy: What do they mean? What's an eco-tree? What are you saying woman?

Jeremy: [voiceover] Meanwhile...
Richard: [over the PA system] ? La la la la la la la la la la la la la! ? [annoyed looks from the passengers]
James: [over the PA system] Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis. It's my Tannoy.

Jeremy: [voiceover] Mostly, they talked about health and safety so we thought we should too.
Jeremy: Don't have an accident.
Richard & James: Don't have an accident.
Richard: If you do have an accident, remember... it was an accident.

Jeremy: [voiceover] The foam fitting was rather disturbing.
Jeremy: Why -- what are you doing? You're in my actual anus. That was my actual anus that you put your hand in.
Jean Alesi: It is a part of the programme!
Jeremy: Things that just happened that I didn't think would happen today. Jean Alesi, who I used to hero-worship, is playing with my genitals.

Jeremy: But -- but I think there is a problem with this car... because they've called it... The Growler.
[laughter from the audience]
Richard: Yeah. Now... now, we... we... we Googled growler [laughter] and we were quite surprised and a bit shocked by what it turns out to mean.
Jeremy: And do you know, Richard, I've forgotten what it is. What does it mean? Can you tell the ladies and gentlemen?
Richard: Well, you know those... big welcome mats you might see on a girl in the '70s? [laughter]
Jeremy: That's what it is!
Richard: Yeah.
James: Why would you name your car after that?
Jeremy: Honestly, James, I don't think they knew. I think they're sitting in Zurich, or wherever they are. This is the first time they've realised that growler means that in England. And they'll be sitting going, "Gott in Himmel! Wolfgang, ve have accidentally named ze car after ein Fraugarten!"
[laughter from Richard and the audience]
James: Look, the car, the Growler... is it based on an XK? Has it got four seats?
Jeremy: No, you can't get in the back.
[brief pause then laughter from Richard and the audience applauses]
Jeremy: Everybody's turned over to Countryfile.
Richard: What? What?!
James: I'm not, uh, I'm not sure they're going to sell very many of those.
Jeremy: No, neither do I. There's another reason why. It costs £670,000.
Richard: Ouch!
Jeremy: Yeah. There probably will be a trimmed-down version later, but I bet you... [laughter] just for the Brazilian market.
Richard: I'm sorry. It's called a Growler.
James: There's a bloke at some point who is going to say, "I'm just going outside to wax the Growler."
[laughter from Jeremy, Richard and the audience]
Jeremy: Wax the Growler.
Richard: Oh, you dirty bugger!

Jeremy: Hammond, I suspect the driving position has got you in mind in a Scorpion.
Richard: Is that what this is?
Jeremy: Yeah. £30,000. That's what it costs.
Richard: [climbing into the Scorpion] Already, I'm seeing buildings just fall down of their own free will.
[All three laugh]
Jeremy: Didn't James Blunt use one of these in Kosovo?
Richard: [from inside the Scorpion] It's got pedals! There are pedals.
James: I thought he had a guitar.
[Jeremy and James checks out a tank next to the Scorpion]
James: It's the Stormer.
Jeremy: Yeah, the Stormer. Now, come on.
James: 20 grand, maximum.
Richard: Stormer! That's a good name.
Jeremy: £20,000. So this, or a Ford Focus.

Jeremy: It is genuinely unbelievable that that car [pointing to Richard's Bentley Turbo R] costs exactly the same as this car [referring to the Nissan Pixo]. Of course, we're not thick. Well, he is [points to Richard]. But even he knows that the Bentley was hand-made in England -- and saying something was hand-made in England is just a way of saying the door's going to fall off.

Jeremy: The McLaren, then, is like a pair of tights. Very practical and very sensible. The Ferrari, though, that is a pair of stockings.

Jeremy: These days eco-ism is seen as cool. People like James May and me, petrol heads, we're -- we're dinosaurs really. So if you have one of these cars with zero emission and full electric plastered down the side, you are more likely to get a girlfriend. [voiceover] You just have to hope she doesn't live at the other end of the country.

Jeremy: This is a place of screaming engines and tire smoke. It is a cathedral to the god of thunder and the mistress of power--the natural home then--for James May.

Jeremy: Use some of your charm. It will begin with the word "hello". Ready? [imitates James] "Hello."
James: Hello. We were just wondering, we're trying to... We've got two electric cars.
Waitress: Right.
[camera cuts to Jeremy, who is a short distance away from James]
Jeremy: James has a way with women. I should imagine he'll be able to talk her into it, no problem at all.
[camera switches back to James]
James: ..it's going to take 12 hours.
Waitress: [slowly, after a long pause] ...No.

Jeremy: What kind of bird can have a gallon of guano in its gut and still take off and achieve sufficient altitude to defecate on my Range Rover?!
Richard: A big one!
James: Maybe it was a flying cow.
Richard: What?
Jeremy: James, you really do live in Hammersmith, don't you?
Richard: We should bear in mind this is the man who believes cows lay eggs, and he does. He said that on the show.
Jeremy: You say that --
James: I said eggs come from cows.
Richard: Well, you see...

Richard: I always struggle throwing boxes away.
Jeremy: Why?
Richard: Well because if you take the washing machine out of it, and fit that in your kitchen, and there's the box, all crisp and new and empty and I can't help but look at it, and part of my mind sees the potential. You look at it and you think, wow, that could be, like, a castle, or a -- you've been there! [laughter and awkward looks from Jeremy and James] Or a den, or a like car. I'm the same with shoe boxes. I don't think I've ever thrown one away ever, because you think, I could keep special things in it, or put it on it's side and you could have, like, a TV screen, or maybe you could use the big box as a spaceship and then the little one as a dashboard. Come on, you've been th-!
Jeremy: Richard? Are you all right? Seriously, because this is a man, with, there's no other way of putting this, with a helicopter licence.
Richard: The CAA said I was alright.
Jeremy: I know but, the CAA, if they're watching this, will think, "He's a madman!"
James: Well, it's not a real helicopter -- it's just the box his fridge came in.
Richard: Yeah, alright. I just make the noise! [laughter and applause]
Richard and James: [both imitating helicopter rotor noise]

Richard: Subaru Impreza, in budget, in the correct blue with gold alloys. Lovely.
Jeremy: WRX, this one.
Richard: It is, yes.
Jeremy: Could you get an STI -- in budget?
Richard: No.
Jeremy: P1.
Richard: No.
Jeremy: RB5.
Richard: Now you're just saying letters and numbers.
Jeremy: SK1?
Richard: That's the postcode for Stockport.