FAQ about Fiesta: What if I am asked to take part in a beach assault with the Royal Marines?
[There follows a sequence of Clarkson being transported to a beach on a marine troop landing craft. During the sequence, there are three marines in the car with Clarkson, and comments are made relating to how easy it is to shoot from out of the car's open windows and the convenience of the cup holders coincidentally being the correct size to hold hand grenades]

FAQ about Fiesta: What if I go to a shopping centre and get chased by baddies in a Corvette?
[There follows a sequence of Clarkson in the Fiesta being chased through the interior of a shopping mall and its parking structure by a Corvette]

James: [Having just run out of fuel in the pouring rain] Oh cock... this is a massive "oh cock"!

James: [voiceover] I think I know what to do at this point...
[mimicking Jeremy's catchphrase]
James: POWEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

James: So far, most electric cars have been appalling little plastic snot-boxes that take all night to recharge and then take half a minute to reach their maximum speed of forty. And then run out of juice miles from anywhere.
[James drives past a Toyota Prius]
James: Prius. Sucker.

Jeremy (narrating): James, meanwhile, wasn't even enjoying the excellent music on the local radio station.
[The radio is playing "Jessica" by the Allman Brothers (AKA The "Top Gear" theme).]
James: (pointing to the radio) I wasn't expecting to hear that.
[Cut to Jeremy driving and also hearing the theme.]
Jeremy: On tonight's programme... (laughs)

Jeremy: [after forcing James to drive off a cliff] Good-bye, Mr. May!

Jeremy: [Croakily] Can I just say...
Richard: Ooh, it speaks! Or sort of squeaks.
[Jeremy tries to speak but has trouble]
Richard: Ooh, that's just a noise. Are you deflating?
[Jeremy pulls out a bottle and sprays it in his mouth]
Richard: What's that? [Reading from the bottle] Synthetic saliva?
Jeremy: It means I just have a few minutes of speaking.
Richard: Oh, so you like - you need more saliva? Well ladies and gentlemen I have no doubt we can oblige with that! How do you know it's synthetic and it isn't just some bloke... [Imitates spitting into a bottle] Bottle it!
Jeremy: You can shut up for a kick off as well.
James: What?
Richard: What noise is that you're making?
Jeremy: [Pointing to May] Have you seen his eye? He's got the biggest eye infection I've ever seen. At least I don't look like a mutant.
Richard: Has it come to this?! I'm working with these two. This isn't a television program anymore; it's a colony!
Jeremy: I tell you what, instead of hurling abuse at each other, why [coughs] -- excuse me -- why don't we do the news?

Jeremy: [deadpan] Certainly will easily do 70 mph which is what I'm doing now, and that's the maximum speed you can go in Britain, so that's good... is this thorough enough for you, Mr. Needham?

Jeremy: [driving a Lada Niva] You know, I once drove one of these down a very heavily rutted track at fifty miles an hour and I was able to use the cigarette lighter -- 'cause it was so smooth -- to light a cigarette. It was that smooth. I'd actually quite like to demonstrate that for you now but unfortunately, we don't live in a free country!

Jeremy: [driving a Lada Riva] Let me give you an example of its terribleness. The rear brakes were made of aluminium, and they [the Russians] must have thought "Aha! You see, that's very advanced! The West hasn't thought of this!" There's a very good reason for that though. Aluminium has the same braking properties really as... cheese. [skids round a corner] Slow down, you bitch! God almighty.

Jeremy: [Reading challenge card] It says that this is a test of speed, braking and toughness all in one. You must accelerate to 56 miles an hour, drive through an obstacle and stop as quickly as possible. It says whoever does that in the shortest distance wins a year's supply of pies.
Richard: What do they mean by "obstacles"?
Jeremy: Doesn't say.
[pause]
James: What sort of pies?

Jeremy: [Reading the second challenge card] You must now demonstrate your lorry-driving skills by powersliding your trucks around... well, presumably it's that skid pan.
James: What's the point? You can't powerslide lorries anyway.
Richard: Technically, you can't powerslide anything.
Jeremy: [Continuing to read from the card] To prove that it's possible, you will now watch a demonstration by our tame racing driver.

Jeremy: [voiceover] Delighted that for once the producers had been generous, we headed for the showrooms. [out loud] I love having inches of money! [voiceover] But our joy was short lived as James discovered when he tried to buy a bog-standard Fiat 500.
James: [pointing to car] Can you tell me how much?
Salesman: Uh, five hun-- five hundred and sixty million Vi?t ??ng.
James: Five hundred and sixty million?
Salesman: Yeah
James: How much is fifteen million ??ng?
Salesman: Just about one thousand U.S. dollar.

Jeremy: [voiceover] I honestly believed that at some point on our long and torturous route, one of us would be killed. Probably wouldn't be Hammond though. Because unlike us two, he at least could get a helmet which fitted.
Jeremy: The reason I don't ride a motorcycle is because I have a large brain.
Richard: No, you have a big head.
Jeremy: The reason why crash helmets are small is because people who wear them haven't got a brain. Otherwise they'd have a car.