(When they are performing the challenge of parking in Marlborough)
Jeremy (Hammond is attempting to park): Are you, uh, looking where you're going or using the force
[...]
Richard (Clarkson is attempting to park): Is it ... Is it heavy, mate?
Jeremy: Oooooh.
[...]
(May is fetching his car)
Jeremy (voiceover): Because James' car is so big and hard to see out of, we decided to "help" him out a little.
(Jeremy is moving one of the cars)
Richard: You evil man! That's brilliant! That's genius.

James: [as a passenger in a life-size radio-controlled car, which Richard is attempting to park in an improvised carport garage lined with cheap porcelain trinkets] He's doing it good. Well done.
[the car advances]
James: [into radio] Brake, man! Brake! [the car smashes ornaments on shelves over the bonnet]
Richard: Sorry.
[Richard takes down the whole garage as he reverses out]
James: NO!
Richard: Sorry.

James: [to a pedestrian] Eh? No it's not a kit car, it's a Lamborghini... Philistine!

James: Interestingly I think the Zonda is the sort of car for people who worry too much about their teeth.

James: It does still look a bit like the inside of Jacques Cousteau's wetsuit in here.

James: Now I was honest, and I said - "I'm a journalist, AND a broadcaster..."
Jeremy: And I bet you told them you live in London as well?
James: Yes, that's right - y'know, Single, car parked on the street, live in an area of London that's usually on fire...
Jeremy: So your quote was...
James: [dramatic pause for breath] Five thousand pounds! [for which he loses a massive 45 points]
[general laughter and an almost sympathetic bout of one-upmanship by Jeremy recounting a previous quote for £22000 on an Escort Cosworth worth "only" £19000]

James: YOU UNBEARABLE MAN, I CAN'T STAND IT!!! [after arriving at the destination for the Veyron vs. Plane race to find Jeremy had already arrived about a minute earlier]

Jeremy: "If it's not a democracy, it's a dictatorship. And I'm dictating that the Aston Martin V8 Vantage is the winner!" (the 2005 TG Awards)

Jeremy: "Welcome To Greenpeace!" (After a video montage introducing the 7th series)

Jeremy: And the Ford? Well, it's the prettiest, it's the fastest, and it has the best fuel economy! Oh, no, wait, that's not right, is it?

Jeremy: Captain Slow is up there in his washing machine. I will not be beaten by a washing machine.

Jeremy: I have an announcement to make. Top Gear, this... pokey motor show on BBC2, this week won--I've got it here--in New York, an Emmy! We've won an Emmy! Check it out!"
Richard: Wow! Can I touch it?
Jeremy: What this is for, okay, is for the best non-scripted entertainment show that wasn't made in America. That's us!
Richard: Why didn't you go and pick up the award from the ceremony?
Jeremy: Well, because I was writing the script for this week's show.
Richard: Thing is though, when the Office, you remember that sitcom series?... won some Golden... Globes recently, the whole of the BBC ground to a halt while everyone said congratulations and... they were showered with, like, gifts, and gold and diamonds...
Jeremy: It's true, the director general of the BBC spent a whole week rubbing warm pig fat into the back of Ricky Gervais.
Richard: So, how many chocolate covered lap dancers do you think were sent to us?
Jeremy: [to the audience] How many do you reckon? Not a damn thing!
Richard: Nothing!
Jeremy: And if you think that's outrageous, then please write to us, as of Monday, to Top Gear, Channel 4 television...

Jeremy: No American who designed that chassis [pointing to his Ford GT] is even half-aware that a road like this exists. If you brought an American here he would die of shock!

Jeremy: OK, now it's time to do the ugliest car of the year and the nominations are: the Ssangyong Kyron...
Richard: Uugghh...
Jeremy: ...the Ssangyong Rodius...
[shouts of disgust from the audience]
Jeremy: ...and look at this one, the Ssangyong Musso!
[more shouts from the audience]
Jeremy: That thing really is a Moose, isn't it? So which one has won it? It's the BMW 3 Series!
[On "best noise of the year"]
James: That is the sound your spine would make if you could actually hear it tingle.

Jeremy: That isn't so much a throttle that my right foot's on, it's a hyperspace button. World's going backwards!