James: [On the Volvo V50] There's a touch of Ikea to all this, but, reassuringly, an expert has put it all together.

James: I don't know quite what bling is, but this must be it! [pointing to FAB 1]
[Later, after he has done his review of it]
James: [sitting in the car in the studio] So, I aks [sic] you, is I bling?
(Crowd Laughs)

James: Right...we need to go... right, left, left, right, left, again... [turns the wrong way and curses loudly]

James: Something I've just thought about though is, that car's got an extra five inches in it so that ou get better rear leg room, yeah?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Yeah.
James: Why don't they just make them all that long? Because you don't buy a jag because you want a small car, do you?
Richard: (somewhat meekly) Some of us don't need leg room.

Jeremy: "A dog makes a better noise than that if you tread on it" (Regarding a Strokes song the show used).

Jeremy: (After seeing May's Audi 80)"You really can't believe that's a hundred quid car. I mean, I was ready to go, 'Oh no, James has bought a hen house'."

Jeremy: (On the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren) "It sounds like the god of thunder gargling a hammer."

Jeremy: [trying to out-manoeuvre an Apache helicopter's radar in a Lotus Exige] The best helicopter gunship in the world, flown by the best pilots in the world, the British Army, against the best handling car in the world, driven by an idiot.
Jeremy: That's not something you see everyday, a gunship in your rear view mirror.

Jeremy: [while lying underneath a Porsche Carrera GT] I'm speaking to you now from inside one of the venturi tunnels!

Jeremy: Get out of the way, you Polish lorry! Why are you cluttering up our roads with Latvian milk?!

Jeremy: I actually took a photograph of these two [Richard and James] just after they'd arrived.
Richard: Ah.
Jeremy: Would you like to see it?
Audience: Yes!
Jeremy: Put, put it up.
[audience laughs at photo of Richard and James in motorcycling leathers]
Richard: Granted, that's not how we looked in our minds.
Jeremy: [singing] It's fun to stay at the YMCA, it's fun to stay at the Y...
James: But that's an illustration of why we don't want to wear crash helmets. You will kill yourself; but at least when they lay you out at your funeral you won't have helmet hair.
Jeremy: I suppose you could all dress up as red Indians and construction workers, that's another option.
James: What you don't know is that we do.

Jeremy: I have a slight problem... My speedo isn't working...

Jeremy: My name... is Jack Bauer. And this is the most economical 24 hours of my life.

Jeremy: Right, what we have here is a snooker table or as Richard Hammond calls it as he arrived this morning, "Crikey, a football pitch!"

Jeremy: There are shanty towns in South Africa that are built better than Renaults!