[During the Axis vs Allies drag race]
Jeremy: I'm hoping that because the Lamborghini's Italian, it'll change sides halfway through the race.

[During the Aygo Football segment]
James: Door ball! That's not allowed!
[see Blue Aygo 2, with ball jammed inside door]

[During the £1500 Porsche challenge];
Jeremy: This was a hugely advanced car when it first came out: polyurethane bumpers; first car ever to have passive rear wheel steering... I've always, always... oh my God, I've got steam.
Richard: Is Jeremy breaking down?
Jeremy: Uh, guys, I've got a lot of steam coming out of the bonnet.
James: Did he say I've got some speed, or I've got some steam?
Jeremy: [voice over] No, it was definitely steam and it was erupting after just two miles.

[During the £1500 Porsche challenge]
Jeremy: What is the next challenge?
James: You've got to spend the change from your £1500 budget...
Jeremy: Yeah..?
James: And with it, you've got to improve your car as much as possible and have it judged by an independent adjudicator who is from the Porsche owner's club.
Richard: Yeah, so you can spend all of the money from your £1500 that you didn't spend on your car... on your car.
Jeremy: How much did you spend?
Richard: I spent £750 on my car, so I've got £750 to spend on improving it.
James: I spent £900 on my car which gives me £600 to spend in improving it.
Richard: How much did you spend?
Jeremy: [mumbling] 1500
Richard: Sorry?
Jeremy: 1500
Richard: So you've got nothing to spend on improving it.

[during the bobsled run]
Richard: [shouting] I don't want to die in tights!

[during the Car Hunting Challenge while some people are standing on the side]
Clarkson: Hello people, would you like me to murder you? I'm an offroad enthusiast.

[During the car sauna clip]
Richard: Given that we are made of ... what percentage of us is water?
Jeremy: 98%.
James: Or less.
Richard: Water that evaporates. So what we are breathing is each other...
[Jeremy looks horrified and James looked disgusted]

[During the challenge, inside the Top Gear office, talking to insurance sales people]
Richard: No, no accidents in the last five years. [immediately looks at the camera]

[During the coming-in-this-series preview of the Val Thorens race from 13.5]
Jeremy: Get out of my way, Frenchists!

[during the conclusion of the Pagani Zonda Roadster review]
Jeremy: This is bad news, ladies, very bad news. Little Richard has fallen in love with a ton and a bit of kevlar and wires. Look, they've all come down here... [wanders over to a couple of ladies] look, they've all come down here with their bare mid-riffs... and "Richard" and "Hammond" written on their... like that, and it's no good, he's gone!
Richard: I love it, I think this is the big one.
Jeremy: Now, we're going to have to go do the news now before he leaves a deposit on it. Um... oh yeah. So let's do that!

[During the Cool Wall segment, Jeremy asks the audience about the Morgan Aeromax]
Jeremy: Do you find him attractive?
Woman in the audience: I came with them.
Richard: Is everybody all together?
Woman in the audience: He brought me...
Jeremy: What the hell accent's that?
Woman in the audience: (blushing) I'm American...
Jeremy: You're American? You can't be, you're nowhere near fat enough!
[Audience laughs]
Jeremy: You're American? Welcome ... Welcome to the free world, you'll like it here.

[During the Cool Wall segment, Jeremy tries to guess what car people drive from the shoes they wear]
[Camera pans over to a pair of orange leather shoes]
Jeremy: OH MY GOD, WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT-- oh, hello James.
[A little later]
Jeremy: This year a motoring icon is celebrating its fortieth birthday.
James: Richard Hammond?
Jeremy: No, he's thirty eight. Same as he was last year, and the year before. Mind you, it's his birthday next week, isn't it?
James: Oh it is actually, then he'll be thirty eight.
Richard: Yes, alright, funny, funny.
Jeremy: Thirty eight year old Richard Hammond!
Richard: I am! Thank you, very much.

[During the Cool Wall, talking about the Koenigsegg CCX.]
Jeremy: If you go though the Pearly Gates, backwards, in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!
Richard: I love that vision of just blasting through the gates, backwards, in a flaming Swedish supercar! "Yes! I'm here! Where are the women?"

[during the Cool Wall]
Jeremy: [on the Fiat Barchetta] Who said it's still a Fiat? What's wrong with the Fiat?
Audience Member: They're not good. They're French!
Jeremy: Where the hell do we get this audience from?!
Richard: A gardening programme, mate...
Jeremy: Do you know what Fiat stands for, the "I" in it?! Italia!

[During the discussion on the Honda FR-V]
James: That's, actually, that's not the worst bit about those, those six-seater cars, because it could be worse if you had your wife in the front, and both daughters, and you sat in the back.
Jeremy: [sympathetically] Ohh.
James: No, but you do see that occasionally. You see the mother in the front, and then, and then there's a bloke sitting in the back seat.
Richard: On his own.
Jeremy: It's tragic.
James: There's nothing more pitiable.
Richard: Pathetic.
Jeremy: It's the most pitiable sight you can see.
James: She's effectively saying, "You've given me the baby, now get in the back."
Richard: [nodding] Yeah.
Jeremy: [stares at James for a moment, then bursts out laughing]
James: [realizes what he said, points at the camera]... No.
Jeremy: Uh, that... concludes the news, OK? [looks at James and bursts out laughing again, this time taking Richard with him]