[driving the New Beetle with the top down in the rain]
Richard: I'm not sure this was such a smart idea.
James: Why, do you think they just think we're a pair of screaming -
Richard: Well, exactly.
James: Yes.

[driving the new Mercedes Benz SLK while being shot by the Irish Guard snipers]
Jeremy: I'VE JUST SOILED MYSELF!!!!!

[Driving the new Z4]
Jeremy: Getting into the old Z4 after a long day, was like coming home after a long day's work and flopping down onto a sofa made entirely out of Chuck Norris.

[driving the Niva]
James: Does this mean we've actually found a Communist car we like?
[the Niva's engine cuts out and Jeremy is unable to re-start it]
Jeremy: No!

[during a news segment]
Jeremy: Have you seen the back seats of the Discovery?
Richard: They're magnificent!
James: Fantastic!
Richard: It's worth getting one--well you won't get one 'cos...
[Jeremy spots someone in the audience]
Jeremy: Jesus is here!
Richard: Well, we never knew!
Jeremy: Who have we booked as the guest this week?
Richard: Maybe he's not suppose to be on yet.
Jeremy: Is he the guest? That would be something, we'll have some viewers then!
Jesus: At least I'm not too tall for my hair, eh Jeremy?
Both: Wahey!

[During Abarth review.]
Jeremy: [VO] ... And if you drive it with the bonnet up it won't work at all.
[Shows Jeremy driving it with the Abarth's bonnet up]
Jeremy: I CAN'T SEE WHERE I'M GOING!

[During half-time, the presenters have returned to change their football shirts after James May made a mistake by giving them Newcastle shirts as it was a Middlesbrough vs Nottingham match]
Jeremy: We apologise for that terrible mistake, we have an art exhibition at the Mima Gallery, we have Ferreris, Lamborghinis, Richard Hammond's Land Rover!
[The spectators cheer]
Jeremy: Oh and there's one more thing, Nottingham, you can't come!
Jeremy: [voice over] The away supporters responded with good grace...
[Richard Hammond was expecting items to be thrown at them, but was amused when the Nottingham supporters jokingly chant "You fat bastard!", directed by Jeremy Clarkson]

[During Hamilton's lap, Lewis begins to sing]
Jeremy: Are you taking this seriously?

[During Hamilton's lap]
Hamilton: C'mon man! [looking at the speedo] 56 miles an hour, what the...?

[During Hamilton's lap]
Hamilton: Look at the grip... This thing will put a Formula 1 car to shame!
Jeremy: It won't! It won't, it won't, it won't!

[During muscle car roadtrip, asking Richard about the features of his Dodge Challenger.]
Jeremy: Let me put it this way ... this is like a body builder, right? Hugely impressive, but when you take it's trunks down it's Hello Mr Squir--
[On screen: To keep the US State Department happy this is censored.]
Richard: What d'you mean, you put it in a melon?

[During Pagani Zonda Lap.]
Jeremy: This car can be vicious, but in an amusing way, like a shark in a funny hat.

[During Star In A Reasonably Priced Car]
Michael McIntyre: The only way you could feel better about having such a terrible car is you would occasionally try and overtake nicer cars on the motorway. It's quite a manly moment. You're sitting there, chugging along at 60; you're quite comfortable. You'll see a Porsche in the middle lane, I'd say to my wife, "You see that Porsche?" She'd say, "Yes, what of it?" "I'm having it." She's like, "The Princess couldn't overtake that Porsche, it's a 1.0!" "I can do this!" You pull into the middle lane, you start to get excited, then you get into the fast lane. When you're in the fast lane in a terrible car, you immediately know you don't belong. Big Range Rovers right up behind you flashing, "Retreat to the loser lane, where you belong!" There are horses in the slow lane going, "I've gotta see this. What's going on?" I think the top speed was about 76. You put your foot down and the whole car would shake uncontrollably. It takes somewhere between 40 to 45 minutes to pull alongside the Porsche. My wife's going, [While shaking his head] "I told you!" And you always have to look over, when you're overtaking, to see your victim. [While shaking his head] "Who are you Porsche driver?"

[During the 'Arrest the Stig' part of the Police Car challenge, after May's paint attempt]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Sadly there was one invention James hadn't considered.
[shows the Stig using his windscreen wipers to clear the paint off]

[During the 996 GT3 RS vs Ferrari 360 Challenge Stradale]
Jeremy: "Eat my exhausts, Badoer!"