[During the discussion on the new Jaguar XJ]
James: Come on! Nobody gives a pig's arse about all that diesel stuff. (Crowd Laughs) It's the new XJ; the important question is �Is it a proper Jag?��
Jeremy: Now what you mean is �Is this car slightly caddish?�� Is that what you actually mean?
James: (nods) Yes.
Jeremy: Is the person who drives it a bit... um, what's the word? Im not quite sure how to sum it up, but it's the sort of person who would go away for a weekend with his wife to a hotel, to some romantic place, and spends the entire night... flirting outrageusly with the waitress. And it's okay because he's got a �Jaaaaag.��
(Everyone laughs)
Richard: That's the Jag driver; he'd get away with anything! (Changes tone) I'm terribly sorry, I ran over your dog. (Whimpers) ...in my �Jaaaaag.��
(Crowd laughs)
James: Is it fair to say? Do you think that no �Jaaaaag�� driver is ever entirely trustworthy, but it's in a really nice likeable way?
Jeremy: Yes! If you would go to a prison, forget the sort of "stabbists", and you know the stranglers. The ones who are in there for a bit of Tax Dodging...
(Richard Laughs)
James: Yeah.
Jeremy: I bet eighty percent have got �Jaaaaags.�� (Crowd laughs) You know what I mean now?
(Turns to someone in the audience)
Jeremy:You got a Jag? Who here's got a Jag? (Stands up then points at someone who responded) You got a Jag? Look at him!
(Audience laughs)
Richard: Yup, he's a Jag driver.
Jeremy: He goes away with a sort of girl for a weekend, and then goes... �Awfully sorry...��
Richard: ... bit of an issue with the wallet.
Jeremy: �Would you mind awfully settling this while I go warm up the �Jaaaaag?��

[during the forensic test]
James: They've actually already discovered that your car used to belong to a Muslim man from Birmingham.
Jeremy: What, they can tell that just by swabbing the seats?
James: No. They found this letter.
[Jeremy laughs as James reveals it]

[During the Golden Cock Award]
Jeremy: There was the time when James May, whilst following the Range Rover camera car, somehow managed to lose sight of it for a moment and then start following an entirely different Range Rover. And he failed to notice for an hour that it didn't have a camera crew in it and was in fact nothing to do with Top Gear at all.
Series 15

[During the lorry race]
James: Does understeer, this lorry.

[During the lorrying speed test]
Jeremy: Eat my Magnum!... Yeah!

[During the news on Chrysler's move on installing WiFi on its production vehicles]
Jeremy: Will you be able to check your e-mails?
Richard: Yeah.
Jeremy: Will you be able to look at... (whispers) Abi Titmuss's lady garden?
(Audience Laughs)
Richard: Well, they did say it's for passengers only.
Jeremy: Then, it will be the case of 'I went on the M40 this week and found this!'
(Audience laughs as an explicit picture is shown in the TV screens)
Richard: (Bows his head in laughter, then regains composure) You had to.

[During the News Segment. Hammond has just mentioned the new mini. He is wearing a bright red shirt.]
Jeremy: Whoa, what are the noises for? Do you like it?
Audience (Including James): No!
Richard: Heck, I do, Actually, I think that looks great! [silence] Maybe it's the shirt?
Jeremy: How much is it going to cost?
Richard: It's going to cost... well, they'll generally be about £2500 more than the equivalent hard top. So the Cooper S, the Supercharged version of that, £17 500, £15 500 for the coupe. About £13 500 I think for the mini one.
James: That's horrible.
Richard: Well, yeah, but the mini- it's not a cheap small car. It's an expensive small car. And I like that [points at mini].
Jeremy: It's a metrosexual car.
Both: A What?
Jeremy: Metrosexual! It's the new thing! It's for the chap, he doesn't wanna be too butch, he doesn't wanna have like, you know, a big 4x4, he spends quite a bit of money on hair products- [gestures towards Richard]
Richard: Don't point at me, mate.
Jeremy: He's interested in shirts, probably wears cowboy boots- [Richard is looking sheepishly at his feet, which are clad in cowboy boots] -That kind of thing! He's a blend of gay and not-gay.
Richard: [talking over Jeremy] I am not a metro-flamin'-sexual!
Jeremy: You are a metrosexual! I can see you in one of those! [Points at the Mini Cooper's picture]
Richard: Apart from anything else, how would you know what a metrosexual is?
Jeremy: I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
Richard: You're probably right.

[During the News, about forbidding people not interested in cars to drive]
Richard: If you haven't got the interest, you can't do it...you shouldn't be allowed to do it.
Jeremy: No, exactly. I mean, it would be like asking him [points to Richard] to cook Sunday lunch. Could you cook a Sunday lunch?
Richard: Yeah, you... boil the meat or whatever... no, I'm not--
Jeremy: You see?
Richard: I'm not interested in food so I'm not interested in cooking.
Jeremy: There you are, you see? You wouldn't ask him because he's not interested to cook you any food, you wouldn't ask me to do the washing up, you wouldn't ask James to... direct a porn film.
[The audience laugh as Jeremy looks very matter-of-fact]
James: Well, hang on. You say that, I think I'd actually direct quite a good porn film.
Jeremy: If you directed a porn film, it would be you arriving at the house of the woman in the stockings and you'd go [takes on a deep voice in imitation of James] "I've come to fix your boiler". And then you'd just fix it.
James: [considering] Might be. What's wrong with that?

[During the news, about the car insurance]
Richard: Can I just point out before we do move on, if you do decide to put yourself on your parents' insurance, and you have a crash, and the insurance company find out that it was really your car...
Jeremy: Which they will if it's got a body kit on it. Or even half a body kit. [part of Hammond's body kit had fallen off in an earlier challenge]
Richard: Alright, whatever. The point is, if the insurance company find out that it really was your car after all, they won't pay out. And then they can prosecute you, and then you might have to go to jail. And then one day you'll be in the showers and a big, strange man will come and-
Jeremy: [interrupting] Oookayy! Okay...

[During the News, after concluding that throwing a G-Wiz electric car into a river would be safe for the fish]
James: I'm not convinced by that, though, because I think electricity is a mystery.
[Jeremy rolls his eyes and looks at the audience]
James: It is! No--I don't actually believe in it.
Jeremy: You don't believe in electricity?
James: No, nobody really understands it.
Jeremy: [Indicating James] What you are witnessing here is Asperger's made real.
James: [Confused] Is that what makes my wee smell funny?
Jeremy: No--! [He laughs]
James: [Laughing as well] Oh no, that's asparagus!

[During the news, discussing the Skoda Fabia Scout]
Richard: ...so presuming that it comes with a 10p piece, bit of string in the glove box, and it pitches up on your doorstep every year to ask for a pound to clean itself.
James: So I supposed that every summer it goes off and sort of stays in the countryside somewhere, and is... touched inappropriately.
[crowd laughs]
Jeremy: No, no James. [crowd continues laughing] No, no James. That's the Skoda Catholic Church.

[During the news, James suggests the Daihatsu Copen]
Richard: You would look such a spanner in that!
James: No I wouldn't!
Richard: Yes you would, because you'd be sticking up above up with your big floppy hair like a spaniel. Never, ever, ever, ever buy a car which you are taller than, when you're sitting in it, than it is long. You'll look like Noddy with bad hair!

[during the news, May is wearing a leather jacket]
Jeremy: [point at May] Are you wearing that for a bet?
Richard: Yeah, he is.
James: Yeah.
Jeremy: He is, ah okay.

[During the news, mocking last series' news joke.]
Jeremy: James, bad news. The Dacia Sandero...
James: The what?
Jeremy: The Dacia Sandero is not coming to the UK!
James: Oh. Now...

[during the news, regarding the lack of female racing drivers]
Jeremy: The thing is, I know why women don't do it. It's 'cause as soon as a woman puts on a pair of racing overalls, they are immediately treated like a sex object.
Richard: Have you been on the Internet again?
Jeremy: Yes I have! [Crowd laughs] And I found this.
Richard: Oh God! [Crowd continues laughing]
[later in the same segment, discussing a recent survey on the ten sexiest female racing drivers]
Jeremy: Who do you think came tenth?
[scrolls down to reveal picture of James]