[back in the studio after the tuner film]
Jeremy: That makes me feel very sad, that.
James: Why?
Jeremy: Well, I just wish that we'd had flexing and winding when we were kids, 'cause I love this whole modifying scene, I think it's brilliant.
James: Mm. We did have cruising, though.
Jeremy: I know, but that meant going to a gentlemen's lavatory, and that's... [dismissive gesture]

[back in the studio with James]
Jeremy: I tried to be fair. I did try, but it was... it didn't work.
James: It's not good though is it?
Jeremy: No, I think the price will come down, you know once -- what's he called -- Brad Cruise and Leonardo DiClooney. Once they've bought six hundred each, then the price will drop. And I guess once they've made a few of them they'll get better at the reliability.
James: Well, that's as maybe. But -- and as I aim to demonstrate later on in the show -- battery powered electric cars will soon die altogether.
Jeremy: No, we are looking forward to that film. Well, I am anyway.

[Before the caravan drop on the Hilux]
Jeremy: The Americans have used daisy cutters on these things, to no avail. But I have something much more powerful... [cuts to a parked caravan; voiceover] The Mistral GT... [shows the same caravan dropped on the Hilux]

[Beginning the challenge]
Richard: Your Seventies supercar mission for today is to drive from Bristol to "Spearmint Rhino", in Slough.
Jeremy: That's a lap-dancing club.
Richard: [apparently puzzled] Is it?
Jeremy: [mocks his attempt to appear innocent] Oh, you don't know...?!

[Both Roadsters are unavailable, charging or broken]
Jeremy: I did think that the Teslas would bring a bit of peace and quiet to our track with their electric motors. [I] didn't think it would be this much peace and quiet though. [walking off] That is the sound of silence.
Jeremy: [voiceover] What we have here then is an astonishing technical achievement: the first electric car you might actually want to buy. It's just a shame that in the real world it doesn't seem to work.

[Carla Bruni's song about Marina]
Carla: My heart is sore
My Marina is no more
It was the 1.8
With the optional rear armrest
And now those Top Gear wazzocks
Have dropped a piano on its roof
I hate James May
And the other two
But mainly James May
I want my Morris back
[cuts to James May laughing]

[causing various bits of the 350Z's internal trim to rattle]
Jeremy: I've seen better build quality on an allotment shed.

[checking the leader board]
Jeremy: Tom Cruise is the fastest, and then Cameron Diaz...
John Bishop: Oh, I've always wanted to be on top of her.
Jeremy: [applauses]...

[Closing remarks]
Jeremy: So, this week we have two Top Gear Top Tips for you. Firstly, yes, you can buy instead of rent, and secondly, don't go to America!

[Closing the episode]
Jeremy: Anyway, that aah, that's all we got time for this week. Next week, for reasons we don't understand, we're on at nine o'clock. So we'll see you then. Unless you're watching this on Dave. In February. In the middle of the afternoon. In which case we hope that you get a job soon. Take care, see you soon, bye!

[Coming up new ways for Aston Martin to lower their CO2 emissions rather than making the Cygnet]
James: Hang on a minute. If they just need to bring their average CO2 down, why don't they just buy a bicycle factory?
Richard: Or they should do Aston Martin flowers, 'cause they suck in CO2 and put out oxygen, and that would bring it crashing down!
Jeremy: I think it has to be a mode of transport... you can't go to work on some flowers. A horse?
James: Scissors.
Jeremy: Have you ever tried sitting on a pair of scissors? [laughter]
James: Not yet.
Richard: He probably has actually.
Jeremy: It won't work. A cow? A cow --
Richard: Ostriches. They're quite exotic.

[commencing the "range test", with the Stig's vegetarian cousin at the wheel]
Jeremy: James? How long, realistically, are you expecting that to keep going?
James: Well, I've topped up the genny tank, so that's eight hours on the generator, and that fully charges the battery as well, so you get another hour out of those, just the batteries.
[we see Vegetarian Stig at the wheel, wreathed in a thick cloud of diesel generator exhaust]
Jeremy: So realistically, you're looking for nine hours of running.
James: Yeah.
[title card: THIRTY FIVE MINUTES LATER]
[the car is stopped and emergency crews are trying to revive Vegetarian Stig]
Jeremy: What's happened there is...
Richard: Well, the Stig's died.

[commentating on The Stig's Power Lap in the Lamborghini]
Jeremy: He appears to have started to listening to Morse code. Very strange, or maybe it's him making that noise.
The Stig: [in Morse code] Strictly is crap.
[...]
The Stig: [in Morse code] I love cheese.

[Commenting on James' Rolls-Royce Corniche's top speed run]
Jeremy: Children come out of the womb faster than that!

[commenting on the furore over North Korea's nuclear tests]
James: Why would the Koreans nuke Hammersmith?
Jeremy: They used American guidance systems?