[at the Caterham challenge]
Jeremy: I am going as the crow flies. I am a Stig.

[at the Cold Weather Training Centre in the Austrian Alps: after the Special Forces soldier pushes Jeremy through the ice]
Special Forces Soldier with the pixellated face: That's it. Pull your self out. Pull yourself out! Come on! Put some effort in! Don't stay there all day! Drop the poles!
Jeremy: [confused] How dare you...
Special Forces Soldier: Hands above your head, hands above your head! HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD! Okay, roll in the snow, roll in the snow! ROLL IN THE SNOW!
[Jeremy does so]
Richard: Roll in the snow, Jeremy. That will make you much better, rather than a big pink fluffy towel.
Richard: That looked awful.
James: I'm... I'm staggered.
Richard: Do you know what though, I like to think of us as a unit on Top Gear, and as a unit we've done that test.

[at the Cold Weather Training Centre in the Austrian Alps]
Doctor: Should we go straight to the frozen penis?
[An image of a frostbitten penis is shown on screen, the three react in horror]
Doctor: He'd been walking with it hanging out of his trousers.
Richard: How do you walk with your willy hanging out?
Doctor: Which comes down to organisation and teamwork.
Richard: Well, it's more than disorganised!
Jeremy: It's a good job he didn't do it on the London Underground -- he'd be arrested for permanently getting on public transport with it hanging out...

[at the Cold Weather Training Centre in the Austrian Alps]
Jeremy: We were then taught how to erect a tent. Our instructor was a former Special Forces soldier who arrived with a pixelated face... and he was very bossy.

[at the end of the "cottage" lap]
Richard: D'you know what? This is rubbish.
James: Terrible.

[At the end of the car vs. man in Arctic conditions film]
Richard: So, if you want to drive to the North Pole, buy a Hammond.

[At the end of the challenge]
Jeremy: So, James, how much did you sell your Nine Forty Four for?
James: £1,400!

[At the end of the episode]
Jeremy: That's it for this programme and indeed this series. We're off now to get very drunk. Goodnight!
Series 11

[at the end of the race, back in the hangar]
Richard: Can I just say, that was the hardest thing we've ever done - being nice to each other for 24 hours.
Jeremy: Well, you know when you pulled up in the pits and you said "Good luck, mate", I nearly crashed!
Richard: Ooh, I felt dirty saying it, mate; it was wrong.
Jeremy: Still, we ended up coming third in our class...
James: ...out of five...
Jeremy: ...out of five, yes, and we finished 39th out of 46, [turning to James] partly actually because you drove so slowly!
James: Ooh, now, come on a minute...
Richard: Actually, hang on, you risked us not finishing at all by driving like an idiot in that last stint...
Jeremy: No, but wait, we would have finished 10th, mathematical certainty, if you hadn't hit that Mosler! We would have been 10th!
Richard: You said it wasn't my fault...
Jeremy: I was being nice, I didn't mean it...
James: Hey, this is more like it, isn't it? Normal service is being resumed!

[At the former site of Longbridge when Jeremy opens his car door, the interior of the door stays put. All three burst out laughing]
Jeremy: I opened the door! The door's still there! It's gone back to Longbridge!
Richard: It's on strike!

[At the grassy part of the test track]
Jeremy: The problem is, what can we do here that we haven't already tried? [The pick-up then drops behind Jeremy] Difficult one.

[At the safari park in their convertible people carrier, watching two lions mate]
Richard: [Voiceover] Fortunately, the lions had other things on their minds.
Jeremy: Oh, look what's going on.
James: Oh no, he's...
Richard: Oh, that's... lion porn!
Jeremy: What are you doing, man?
Richard: What if he tries to do that to us?

[At the start of the news]
James: And now the news. And it's great news, ladies and gentlemen! It's news to warm the hearts of nations: Jeremy Clarkson has lost his voice! [Audience cheers and applauds]
Richard: Mate, sorry. I know, imagine how we feel. They're gutted mate, they're gutted. But the good news is that means we can talk about whatever we like and say what we like.
[Jeremy pulls a sad face]
Richard: Yeah, yeah, whatever...

[Attempting to get their home-made car road certified]
Jeremy: Let's move on, and do the Pendulum Test. This is designed to measure how well a car will stand up to being sideswiped by a bus or a truck.
[The test is demonstrated on a Ford Fiesta, which is almost totally destroyed by the pendulum's impact]
Jeremy: Frankly it was hard to see how we could possibly pass this, but then James came up with a plan. [The three are shown standing by their car, which is sitting next to the lowered pendulum] A plan that would fool even the most astute EU bureaucrat.
Director: Action!
Jeremy: Wow!
James: Wow!
Richard: Wow!
[The three run away from the car, backwards, and the pendulum is raised up and away from the car]
Richard: Tuo kool!
Jeremy: So, now our car is going to face the fearsome Pendulum Test.
[The preceding sequence is played in reverse; the pendulum appears to fall towards the car]
Richard: [slurred] Look out!
[The pendulum appears to hit the car without doing any damage at all. The three presenters run towards it]
Richard: Wow?
James: Wow?
Jeremy: Wow? [voiceover] Wow, indeed. Another pass!

[Back in the studio after the first part of the Cheap Car Challenge...]
Jeremy: We're going to be picking that up later on, but for now, it's time to update our "ITALIAN MID-ENGINED SUPERCARS FOR LESS THAN A SECOND-HAND MONDEO CHALLENGE"...
Richard: ...chart!