[Announcing the result of the Hilux torture test]
Richard: All of which makes it more of a shame that in the end you killed it with fire.
James: That was churlish.
Jeremy: Well, that's the thing. You probably won't believe this, ladies and gentlemen. I want a huge round of applause, IT IS STILL WORKING!

[arguing that the Mazda RX-8 should be considered cool]
Richard: But you get to say "Wankel". That's cool! - On telly!

[As his car sinks in the river]
Richard: Float! Float! OLIVER!!!

[As his Herald sinks]
James: MAYDAY!

[As Richard's dampervan creates plumes of white smoke]
Jeremy: It is like the West Indian dope smoking team practising in the car.
[Cue to Richard, a large smile on his face]

[as the Fiesta drives through the surf toward the beach]
Jeremy: Come onnnnn!
Royal Marine: [from the back seat] Are we nearly there yet?
Jeremy: [laughing, to the Marine corporal in the front passenger seat] The kids are being annoying. Shoot them.

[As the trio decides to flee the gas station]
James: Hammond?
Richard: What?
James: Jump leads!
Richard: You're joking...

[asked if his Lambo' had broken down]
James: No, I just had to stop and fill it up with electricity.

[at a car dealer in Miami]
Jeremy: It's $2900 this. It's a big ask to get him down to a thousand. I might offer him a burger...
[the obese car dealer arrives to show the vehicle]
Jeremy: Very popular with murderers, these cars.
Obese Car Dealer: Yeah.

[at a tuner meeting]
Jeremy: This cruising thing. What's it about?
Young man: What's it about?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Young man: It's about flexing, man.
Jeremy: It's about what?
Young man: Flexing, like. Having a good time, you know.
Jeremy: Flexing?
Young man: Yeah, yeah.
[crowd of young people laughs at Jeremy's oldster incomprehension]
Jeremy: What the f--k are you on about? [appeals to the crowd] What is flexing?
Another young man: Flexing means winding, basically.
Jeremy: It means winding. I'm none the wiser! We're flexing, we're winding... Does anybody here speak English? Does anybody speak English here?
A third young man: Showing off.
Jeremy: Showing off! This man speaks English! [crowd applauds] Flexing and winding means showing off.

[At Alfa Romeo concours, talking to other contestant about his polished Alfa]
Richard: As a man of God, you'd take it badly if I were to, let's say, key it.

[At Norwich airport]
Police helicopter: ...Not really aware of your intentions, but, ah... you've strayed into the controlled airspace of Norwich Airport.
James: I may be about to get a colossal aviation bollocking.

[at the beach]
Richard: I, um, have had to leave some of the panels at the camp site. Well, all of them, pretty much, and that, um... [we see Richard inside the back of the Land Rover, which has no panels] ...has sort of compromised privacy, rather. [a crowd of men on the beach watch him] Yeah, they're not gonna go, are they?

[At the beginning of Jeremy's GT2 review]
Jeremy: AAAAaaAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAaaAAaaAaAaAaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
[Stops the GT2 and gets out]
Jeremy: [voiceover] And that concludes my road test of the GT2. It's terrifying.

[At the beginning of the news]
James: At first I want to say a couple more things about that Bentley. See, you said there it was like a slab of old England.
Jeremy: Yes.
James: But Bentley is owned by VW, that car was styled by a Belgian and it was engineered by a man called Ulrich Eichhorn. Doesn't sound very British.
Jeremy: Are you presenting Top Gear or are you writing a letter to the Daily Telegraph?
James: Well I am just saying that you know immediately that this car is German 'cause it's got too much power. They've overdone it, as usual. Like they did on their French holiday in 1939.
Jeremy: James, James, the Queen is German.
James: Yes.
Jeremy: You can't sing "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles" every time she comes on the television, do you?
James: Well, I do actually.
Richard: Yes, he does...