Top Gear quotes
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[on the Jaguar R-D6 concept car]
James: But the bit I really like is the inside. Have a look at this. Now have a look at that black leather and all those shiny bits, and those red lights down in the footwell. Now clearly a Jaguar designer got completely lashed at a vodka bar and thought, [in drunken voice] "Uhh, I'll make it look like thish then." So obviously there'll be a bouncer on the door, telling you you can't come in 'cause you've got trainers on.
Richard: It's a gorgeous-looking thing, I think it's fab. But here's the thing I don't get about Jaguar concept cars. Two years ago, about then, they showed us XK180, and there it is, that was to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like. But then last year, they did the R Coupé, to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like. And now they're back again with this, to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like.
James: Now look, Jaguar. You have made your point. Just make the car.
James: But the bit I really like is the inside. Have a look at this. Now have a look at that black leather and all those shiny bits, and those red lights down in the footwell. Now clearly a Jaguar designer got completely lashed at a vodka bar and thought, [in drunken voice] "Uhh, I'll make it look like thish then." So obviously there'll be a bouncer on the door, telling you you can't come in 'cause you've got trainers on.
Richard: It's a gorgeous-looking thing, I think it's fab. But here's the thing I don't get about Jaguar concept cars. Two years ago, about then, they showed us XK180, and there it is, that was to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like. But then last year, they did the R Coupé, to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like. And now they're back again with this, to show us what Jaguars of the future will look like.
James: Now look, Jaguar. You have made your point. Just make the car.
[on the Jaguar XJ6]
James: This car has that magic X-factor that we like so much on Top Gear. You'd sort of expect it to be really boring, but then when you drive it, you discover it makes perfect sense. I mean, here's a Jaguar that saves you a shedload of cash, and in return, all it asks is that you just press the pedal a bit harder. That's it!
James: This car has that magic X-factor that we like so much on Top Gear. You'd sort of expect it to be really boring, but then when you drive it, you discover it makes perfect sense. I mean, here's a Jaguar that saves you a shedload of cash, and in return, all it asks is that you just press the pedal a bit harder. That's it!
[on the Lamborghini LM002]
Jeremy: When I started in this business, writing about cars, I was earning... about 40 quid a week. OK? I borrowed one of these, took it into a petrol station, to fill it up... £147!
Jeremy: When I started in this business, writing about cars, I was earning... about 40 quid a week. OK? I borrowed one of these, took it into a petrol station, to fill it up... £147!
[on the Mazda RX-8]
Jeremy: It's almost like they had a styling suggestion box at the factory, they got millions of ideas and then said "I know! Let's have all of them!" So it's got triangles and curves and gills and the back window from a Ford Anglia and look at these lights. They're busier than a bishop's hat!
Jeremy: It's almost like they had a styling suggestion box at the factory, they got millions of ideas and then said "I know! Let's have all of them!" So it's got triangles and curves and gills and the back window from a Ford Anglia and look at these lights. They're busier than a bishop's hat!
[on the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren]
Richard: So much grip! It'll crease the road before it lets go, I'm sure.
Richard: So much grip! It'll crease the road before it lets go, I'm sure.
[on the MG XPower SV]
Jeremy: Inside, it's pretty much as you'd expect: hopeless. I've got no satellite navigation, no electric seats, no airbag, and while there is a third gear - nnnngh! - I don't really have the strength to engage it. Furthermore, this window doesn't go all the way down, as you can see, the antilock brakes are broken, there's nowhere to put my left leg, the dashboard looks like I made it, and half the time the dials come over all Longbridge-ish and go on strike.
Jeremy: Inside, it's pretty much as you'd expect: hopeless. I've got no satellite navigation, no electric seats, no airbag, and while there is a third gear - nnnngh! - I don't really have the strength to engage it. Furthermore, this window doesn't go all the way down, as you can see, the antilock brakes are broken, there's nowhere to put my left leg, the dashboard looks like I made it, and half the time the dials come over all Longbridge-ish and go on strike.
[on the Peugeot 307 CC and Renault Mégane CC]
Richard: As we stand here, both of these cars are slowly sinking into the floor. They're that heavy.
Jeremy: So if I were to say to you, "OK, I'm going to shave your poodle... "
Richard: Right.
Jeremy: "... unless you tell me which one you'd have."
Richard: [looks at a loss]
Jeremy: Which one or the poodle's bald.
Richard: ... Bring on the razor, mate, I'm afraid.
Richard: As we stand here, both of these cars are slowly sinking into the floor. They're that heavy.
Jeremy: So if I were to say to you, "OK, I'm going to shave your poodle... "
Richard: Right.
Jeremy: "... unless you tell me which one you'd have."
Richard: [looks at a loss]
Jeremy: Which one or the poodle's bald.
Richard: ... Bring on the razor, mate, I'm afraid.
[on the Porsche 996 GT3]
Richard: It makes no apologies for what it is, so if you want a comfy ride, get another car. If you want to be cool on a hot day, get another car. If you want height adjustment on the seats... which I don't... get another car.
Richard: It makes no apologies for what it is, so if you want a comfy ride, get another car. If you want to be cool on a hot day, get another car. If you want height adjustment on the seats... which I don't... get another car.
[on the Saab "night panel" function]
Jeremy: That's handy if you want to line up for a bombing run on a Soviet nuclear submarine base, but of limited use on the A38 just outside Burton-on-Trent.
Jeremy: That's handy if you want to line up for a bombing run on a Soviet nuclear submarine base, but of limited use on the A38 just outside Burton-on-Trent.
[on the SLR's engine]
Richard: It puts out six hundred and twenty-six brake horsepower, and more torque than in all the rest of the cars in the world added together.
Richard: It puts out six hundred and twenty-six brake horsepower, and more torque than in all the rest of the cars in the world added together.
[on the state of the utterly smashed but still running Toyota]
Richard: That's not bad. I've taxed worse.
Richard: That's not bad. I've taxed worse.
[on the Subaru Legacy Outback]
James: I almost forgot to tell you what it's like to drive. Well, I quite like it, actually. It's relaxing and it's... unstressful.
James: I almost forgot to tell you what it's like to drive. Well, I quite like it, actually. It's relaxing and it's... unstressful.
[on the Toyota Hilux]
Jeremy: So it's very popular in Australia and all the other various bits of the third world.
Jeremy: So it's very popular in Australia and all the other various bits of the third world.
[on the V8 engine in the Vauxhall Monaro]
Jeremy: It's far from the most sophisticated engine in the known universe, but because it's so big, you can put it in sixth and pootle around at three, doing plenty of miles to the gallon. Or you can poke it with a stick. Then you will go from nought to sixty in six and a half seconds and reach a top speed of over 160. Usually sideways.
Jeremy: It's far from the most sophisticated engine in the known universe, but because it's so big, you can put it in sixth and pootle around at three, doing plenty of miles to the gallon. Or you can poke it with a stick. Then you will go from nought to sixty in six and a half seconds and reach a top speed of over 160. Usually sideways.