Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9 Season 10
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Season 18
[On Jeremy's attempt to disable Stig's car]
Richard: I presume at some point there's gonna be a simply hideous accident.
James: Yep.
Richard: I presume at some point there's gonna be a simply hideous accident.
James: Yep.
[on organ donation and the dangers of motorcycling]
James: I actually carry a card that says "I do not wish to help Jeremy Clarkson be amusing in the event of my death."
Jeremy: Fair enough.
James: I actually carry a card that says "I do not wish to help Jeremy Clarkson be amusing in the event of my death."
Jeremy: Fair enough.
[on the Audi Q5]
Richard: Hey Audi's bought a photocopier.
Jeremy: No!
[Richard goes on explaining the Q5, saying Audi put the Q7 and set it at 75%.]
Jeremy: Have your mum and dad got a photocopier.
[James laughs followed by the audience.]
Richard: Yes.. And it was stuck at 60%
Jeremy: [mocking] 60!?
Richard: Yes, all right! Moving on...
Richard: Hey Audi's bought a photocopier.
Jeremy: No!
[Richard goes on explaining the Q5, saying Audi put the Q7 and set it at 75%.]
Jeremy: Have your mum and dad got a photocopier.
[James laughs followed by the audience.]
Richard: Yes.. And it was stuck at 60%
Jeremy: [mocking] 60!?
Richard: Yes, all right! Moving on...
[on the Audi R8]
Jeremy: So, a Top Gear Top Tip: if you've been affected by the fuel crisis, this is the supercar to buy!
Jeremy: So, a Top Gear Top Tip: if you've been affected by the fuel crisis, this is the supercar to buy!
[on the Audi RS6]
Richard: I've got three options for the ride settings: sport, dynamic, or [comfort is shown on-screen] ... "James May".
Richard: I've got three options for the ride settings: sport, dynamic, or [comfort is shown on-screen] ... "James May".
[on the Dacia Sandero]
James: Great news!
Jeremy: What?
James: The Da- [Everyone starts to laugh]
James: They know what it is. [Laughing continues, until James regains composure]
James: The Dacia Sandero has gone on sale in left-hand-drive market.
Jeremy: Nice. [quickly] Now, just one more thing...
James: Great news!
Jeremy: What?
James: The Da- [Everyone starts to laugh]
James: They know what it is. [Laughing continues, until James regains composure]
James: The Dacia Sandero has gone on sale in left-hand-drive market.
Jeremy: Nice. [quickly] Now, just one more thing...
[on the Dacia Sandero]
James: Great news!
Jeremy: What?
James: The Dacia Sandero; I got a new picture. [shows a picture of the Dacia Sandero]
Jeremy: Oooh... [quickly] Anyway,...
James: Great news!
Jeremy: What?
James: The Dacia Sandero; I got a new picture. [shows a picture of the Dacia Sandero]
Jeremy: Oooh... [quickly] Anyway,...
[on the Dacia Sandero]
James: Hey, great news!
Jeremy: What?
James: I've been sent more information on the Dacia Sandero.
Jeremy: Excellent, excellent. [quickly] Hey, now...
James: Hey, great news!
Jeremy: What?
James: I've been sent more information on the Dacia Sandero.
Jeremy: Excellent, excellent. [quickly] Hey, now...
[on the Dacia Sandero]
James: Oh, good news!
Jeremy: What?
James: The Dacia Sandero will have electronic brakeforce distribution.
Jeremy: Great [quickly] Now...
James: Oh, good news!
Jeremy: What?
James: The Dacia Sandero will have electronic brakeforce distribution.
Jeremy: Great [quickly] Now...
[on the equipment of their classic luxury cars]
Jeremy (standing in front of the Mercedes' boot): Are you ready for this?
James (bored): Yes...
Jeremy (pushes a button and the bootlid closes, makes triumphant gesture)
James: That's brilliant actually, I have to concede that, because what I've always found really difficult is this [opens and closes the bootlid of his Rolls-Royce easily].
Jeremy (standing in front of the Mercedes' boot): Are you ready for this?
James (bored): Yes...
Jeremy (pushes a button and the bootlid closes, makes triumphant gesture)
James: That's brilliant actually, I have to concede that, because what I've always found really difficult is this [opens and closes the bootlid of his Rolls-Royce easily].
[On the fate of Jeremy based on the former owners of his Mercedes Grosser 600, after finding out that the former owners of his Rolls-Royce Corniche are entertainers who are homosexual or camp, specifically Elton John, Liberace and Dick Emery]
James: It is an impressive list, but, if your theory is correct, that means you're either going to murder millions of people, or, you're going to die on the bog trying to get 500 cheeseburgers out of your poo chute.
[a reference to Elvis Presley, one of the former owners of the Mercedes Grosser 600]
Jeremy: So really, it comes down to a simple choice: camp...
James: ...or camp commandant.
Jeremy: [he and the audience laugh] Exactly!
James: It is an impressive list, but, if your theory is correct, that means you're either going to murder millions of people, or, you're going to die on the bog trying to get 500 cheeseburgers out of your poo chute.
[a reference to Elvis Presley, one of the former owners of the Mercedes Grosser 600]
Jeremy: So really, it comes down to a simple choice: camp...
James: ...or camp commandant.
Jeremy: [he and the audience laugh] Exactly!
[On the Ferrari F430 Scuderia]
Jeremy: I'm doing this road test all wrong, cause I'm mocking all this technology. And that's not really fair. It's not like Ferrari aftershave...this is what a Ferrari should be like. [Thick Italian accent] "You make mistake, I kill."
Jeremy: I'm doing this road test all wrong, cause I'm mocking all this technology. And that's not really fair. It's not like Ferrari aftershave...this is what a Ferrari should be like. [Thick Italian accent] "You make mistake, I kill."
[on the Fiat Panda Mamy]
Jeremy: What are they going to do next, a Fiat Recently-Divorced Father? With a satnav that only goes to the zoo?
Richard: That's quite sad.
James: That's a good idea, actually, 'cause I've got a Fiat Panda, and I've also got a very young nephew and a young niece, so they could bring out the Panda Unsuitable Uncle. Which has just sort of got a very sharp kitchen knife left lying around.
Jeremy: What are they going to do next, a Fiat Recently-Divorced Father? With a satnav that only goes to the zoo?
Richard: That's quite sad.
James: That's a good idea, actually, 'cause I've got a Fiat Panda, and I've also got a very young nephew and a young niece, so they could bring out the Panda Unsuitable Uncle. Which has just sort of got a very sharp kitchen knife left lying around.
[On the GT-R]
Jeremy: [voiceover] They [Nissan] haven't built a new car here... They've built a new yardstick.
Jeremy: [voiceover] They [Nissan] haven't built a new car here... They've built a new yardstick.