[During the Top Gear v. Germans challenge: hatch-back test]
Jeremy: Awful lot of bullets hitting me here.
Jeremy: [voiceover] And no wonder...
Richard: James, what are you doing!?
James: Shooting at Jeremy.
Richard: But he's on our side!
James: Yeah, but why wouldn't you?
Richard: You're right, you would. Fire!

[During their trip to the Concours, while checking on Jeremy's Alfa Romeo 75]
Jeremy: I have been rescued (pertaining to the two women with him) and I haven't even broken down.
Richard: Well then you don't-
[James suddenly appears from the side]
James: Hello.

[During Top Gear Stuntman's first record attempt to jump cars in reverse]
James: If you've just tuned in, you may be thinking, 'Oh no, he's facing the wrong way!'. But no, he is about to enter the history books...in reverse.

[in a discussion of Bluetooth "mating" that's gone horribly wrong]
James: How can you possibly know when your dashboard is having its "period"?
Jeremy: Because the satnav would lose its temper for no reason. "I SAID LEFT, YOU - "
[applause]
Richard: I think you'd find after a few years, your dashboard had been faking all its connections. "I was puttin' it on."
James: With your best mate's mobile phone.

[Introducing the Top Gear vs D-Motor film]
Richard: Now, there's a new TV show in Germany. It's all about cars and it's hosted by three people.
Jeremy: I can't imagine where they got that idea from! No idea! Anyway, they got in touch with us and they invited us to take them on in a series of races and challenges.
James: Now, obviously, we needed somewhere to stage this.
Jeremy: Yes. I suggested we did it in the skies over southern England!
James: In fact, we settled on Belgium, which was a country invented so that Britain and Germany would have somewhere to sort out their differences!
Richard: Yup! And, on that point, the producers told us: "Now, listen. You're representing the BBC. You can't just turn up and go on about the war."
[James grins in silence]

[James is watching Where Eagles Dare during the Bowler Nemesis test]
James: [German accent] Sit down, Kommandant.
Jeremy: You're not interested in these, are you?
James: D'you know what? Your mind cannot comprehend of how uninterested I am in things like this.

[Jeremy and James laughing at Richard Hammond's Suzuki Vitara]
Jeremy: Officer Barbie has arrived!

[Jeremy has suggested that they steal a fuel tanker]
Jeremy: Put it in here, Google Earth'll never spot it. Honestly, 'cause if you think about it, 50,000 litres... [gets out a calculator and starts figuring]
Richard: That's a lot.
Jeremy: ... of fuel, OK... That would be enough to get your Mustang... [continues calculating] ... home!
Richard: Brilliant! Well, to Guildford.

[Mocking the speculation on the Stig, after passing him off as James May]
Richard: Some say you saved our bacon.
James: Others say I was bound and gagged in the locker room.

[Moments before James commences a drag race in a G-Whiz]
James: Cock. Just remembered the Australians. They do that VXR thing...

[on adjusting the GT-R's Satellite Navigation system]
Jeremy: I want to adjust the scale on my satnav, but it's all in Japanese. Won't dare touch it in case it all just goes off, and then I'd be DOOMED!

[On disguising the fact that Richard's car had broken down]
Jeremy: [voiceover] James agreed to tow Richard, and my car, would hide the rope.

[on driving for fun]
Jeremy: Motorcyclists do it all the time, so why don't human beings?

[on his provided Japanese snacks]
Jeremy: That is just a fish... lightly killed and then put in a bag. The marvellous thing is that Richard Hammond won't be able to enjoy any of this, because he won't eat anything unless it's come from a burger van on the A38. [Imitating Richard while chewing of a piece of fish] "I don't like cheese! It's full of bacteria and I don't like fish."
[cut to a shot of Richard and James in a small shop, looking in the cooler.]
Richard: Mate, it's all fish.
James: Yeah, it's good for you.
Richard: Don't like fish.
James: Well, you've come to the wrong country.