James: That's very flat over there...
Jeremy: James, we're out.
[the two get out and dance around happily]
Jeremy: [rejoicing] We've made it! [lies down on his front] It's flat! It's so smooth, and no more going up and down...! [groaning] Oh...
[voiceover]
Jeremy: It had taken three days of almost non-stop driving, but this incredible machine had breached what the experts had said would be an impregnable wall. It had taken on the impossible... and it had won.

James: The British toff: though rare and endangered, they are easy to identify. They are most readily spotted in the countryside, because they own it. Distinguishing features include their clothing, which used to belong to their parents, and their characteristic mating call of "Harrumph."

James: The Italians, you see, would concentrate on making a really, really fast car, but then they'd start to worry about all the practical stuff, like, where's the driver going to sit, and can he see out, and how are you going to join up all those wires that make the lights work? The British way, however, is to start with a normal car and then make it very fast. Think of the Jaguar XJR. It's one of the world's most comfortable saloon cars, and it just happens to go like a stabbed rat.

James: The last Proton I drove was something called the Impian. It was a very long journey and the car was so awful that - to be honest - I wanted to harm myself. [Commenting on the Proton Gen II]
[on the Kia Magentis]
Jeremy: I drove a manual one of these the other day and I couldn't believe it, it went 1st, 2nd... SEVENTH, 8th and 9th. Now, I know what they're trying to say, look, you got two gears for quick acceleration and three for good fuel economy. But actually, the acceleration wasn't that good and the fuel economy wasn't that good and you have nothing in the middle. This one has an automatic, which makes it, well... worse. There's a very good reason why its cheap, it's crap.
Series 6

James: The problem with the Morgan is, it's just a car they forgot to stop making in the forties.

James: The reason the Porsche, I think, is the best car is, you know when you drive some cars, you get a, a sense that the car is smiling, when you're driving?
Richard: What on Earth are you talking about?

James: There's a very good sign near where I live, actually, that says "Changed Priorities Ahead". And it's absolutely right, 'cause I was driving down there the other day and I thought to myself, "I'll work harder and pay my mortgage off and be secure in my old age," and then I went past the sign and after another 10 or 20 yards I thought, "No, I'm gonna go to the pub."

James: There's normally something really tragic about the bottom of the range. You know, the 1.6 version. A little boot badge that says you're on the bottom rung. And you sit there in a world of velour looking at a little - a little slot on the dashboard where you know there would be a switch if this was a posh version, but instead you've got a little bit of plastic that just blanks it off. And you can't help driving along and thinking, "If I'd just paid a bit more attention at school and if I'd just worked a bit harder, I'd have air conditioning."

James: This burst of acceleration could decide who goes on American television!
Series 16

James: This car feels really odd.
Jeremy: James, it--what's a Kia C--
Richard: Thingy.
Jeremy: Soprano, Sudoku... It's not a good car.

James: This is a road car, and I'm up to 404... 405, come on!

James: This is a true story and I am ashamed of it. I was driving along, Ford Galaxy, magnolia leather, curry on the passenger seat. A drunk bloke walked into the road. Instinctively, I braked. I saw the curry tip, I thought, "That's my dinner," I not only took my foot off the brake, I put it back on the throttle! Anyway, if anyone here is interested, I've developed a special new car sticker that says BHUNA ON BOARD.

James: This is Germany, there are procedures to go through... I like procedures.

James: This is speed skating. Which in the proper Olympics involves a lot of men in condoms, slithering about.

James: This wasn't just a car, it was a pin-up. And you might like to know that countach is a bit of Italian slang. It translates roughly as phwoar!