[on the Black Shadow, in last place due to not being able to start it and then later accidentally stalling it]
Richard: OK. A few things to get used to. The gear lever is on the other side of the bike. So at the moment, every time I want to brake, I'm changing gear instead and if I want to change gear, I'm braking. It's not ideal. Brakes are the originals, and surprisingly good. The only trouble is, they're full of asbestos.

[on the Black Stig crashing into the sea]
Jeremy: Uhh... that was not supposed to happen.

[on the BMW 1M]
Jeremy: So, what do we got here? Well, there's a straight-6 engine at the front, a manual gearbox in the middle and drive goes to the back. That's page 1, chapter 1 from the Petrosexual Handbook.

[on the BMW 330d they bought to convert it into a racing car]
Richard: This is the car we enrolled. It's a BMW 330d, four years old, done 45.000 miles, we paid 11 grand for it. And now, we must turn it into a racing car by [he pauses, then continues uncertainly] ...bolting lots of racing car bits to it.

[on the BMW 5-series]
James: Now, the old 5-series famously had more computing power than the Apollo spacecraft that went to the Moon, but this one seems to be boldly going where no executive car has gone before.

[on the BMW M3 CSL
Jeremy: Think of it as a BMW with bulimia.
[...]
Jeremy: You even look at that engine, it'll kill you.
[...]
Jeremy: You have to sign a disclaimer before you buy a CSL saying that you understand that the tyres won't work in the rain or if it's a bit chilly. What a car!

[On the BMW X3]
Jeremy: And if you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.

[on the BMW Z4]
Jeremy: This ride is totally unacceptable.

[on the bobsled run]
Richard: Apparently it hits 6 and a half Gs in some of those corners down there. The driver's told me that he's been doing this for six years and he's 3 centimetres shorter. I can't afford to lose 3 centimetres!!

[On the Bonneville Salt Flats, talking about drivers who become obsessed with getting a record time]
Jeremy: [Narrating] Keen to become one of those speed freaks, I was up extremely early.
[The camera cuts to Jeremy behind the wheel]
Jeremy: Now, as we know, practice makes perfect. So, I'm gonna get some practice now, before the course opens... in the 'Bago.
[The RV is show pulling away from the cars, with various unsecured items falling off of tables.]
James: [off-screen] Clarkson!!
Jeremy: [trying to sound innocent] What?
James: I know it's you!
Richard: [in bed, groggily] What're you doing?
Jeremy: We're up to 40 miles an hour in the 'Bago. It's James, come on!
Richard: [nearly falling off of the bed] I was asleep!
Jeremy: Where's May?
James: Back here on the throne! Clarkson, it's not funny! [Jeremy starts laughing]
Richard: AHH! [he throws a pillow off-screen at Jeremy]
[Jeremy parks the Winnebago as James steps out of the bathroom.]
James: Clarkson, you infantile pillock! [Jeremy laughs] You're tidying that up! [Jeremy laughs harder]

[on the Brabus Smart Roadster V6 Bi-Turbo]
Richard: It's like a bottle of sports car concentrate.

[on the Brabus-tuned SL65]
Jeremy: Here we are, if you want it, with proof, that absolute power really does corrupt... absolutely.

[On the Bugatti Veyron.]
Jeremy: A thousand horse power!
Richard: That is an astonishing amount of power.
Jeremy: You'll go from nought to the grave in 4 seconds. Boof! I'm dead. I accelerated... Dead.
Series 2

[on the car's loss in the race]
Richard: Can I clear something up? I don't get this. Watching the film, you get the impression that the car arrive fifteen minutes after everybody else. Now if I remember correctly when I got there, James, you were already there and had been for ages.
Jeremy: He was, and you know something else? I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!
James: Yes, and I'm pretty sure I remember going straight past Hammond with his head stuck in some railings.
Richard: That happened!
Jeremy: And you know what? London doesn't have a river, so I couldn't have done it by boat! And there you go, what Top Gear - which is a trusted, factual, award winning show - has proved is, despite what you saw in that stupid and misleading film the car was the fastest!