Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons
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[on getting shot in the genitals with a paintball gun]
James: The rules said hits on the car, not hits on the wedding vegetables.
James: The rules said hits on the car, not hits on the wedding vegetables.
[on his Lamborghini's chronic electrical problems]
James: The Italians invented electricity, as we all know.
James: The Italians invented electricity, as we all know.
[on his Lambo]
James: Right, the battery is discharging, the oil temperature is very high, the oil pressure is very low, the engine temperature is off the end of the scale, I'm running out of petrol... but the clock is correct!
James: Right, the battery is discharging, the oil temperature is very high, the oil pressure is very low, the engine temperature is off the end of the scale, I'm running out of petrol... but the clock is correct!
[on his provided Japanese snacks]
Jeremy: That is just a fish... lightly killed and then put in a bag. The marvellous thing is that Richard Hammond won't be able to enjoy any of this, because he won't eat anything unless it's come from a burger van on the A38. [Imitating Richard while chewing of a piece of fish] "I don't like cheese! It's full of bacteria and I don't like fish."
[cut to a shot of Richard and James in a small shop, looking in the cooler.]
Richard: Mate, it's all fish.
James: Yeah, it's good for you.
Richard: Don't like fish.
James: Well, you've come to the wrong country.
Jeremy: That is just a fish... lightly killed and then put in a bag. The marvellous thing is that Richard Hammond won't be able to enjoy any of this, because he won't eat anything unless it's come from a burger van on the A38. [Imitating Richard while chewing of a piece of fish] "I don't like cheese! It's full of bacteria and I don't like fish."
[cut to a shot of Richard and James in a small shop, looking in the cooler.]
Richard: Mate, it's all fish.
James: Yeah, it's good for you.
Richard: Don't like fish.
James: Well, you've come to the wrong country.
[on Honda's tips for avoiding road rage]
Richard: It says here as well, "Do not rise to any challenges while you are driving." What, like a duel? "Sir, your driving has angered me! I demand satisfaction!" I can't see that happening.
Richard: It says here as well, "Do not rise to any challenges while you are driving." What, like a duel? "Sir, your driving has angered me! I demand satisfaction!" I can't see that happening.
[on James' small Fiat Panda]
James: He exploited the diminutive size of my Panda to sit there going [motions leg fondling] "ooh I'm terribly sorry".
James: He exploited the diminutive size of my Panda to sit there going [motions leg fondling] "ooh I'm terribly sorry".
[on Jeremy being told by his auto glass repair people that his Mercedes-Benz had to stay at their shop overnight so the glue on his replacement windscreen could set]
Richard: Did they by any chance try telling you that the glue will set better if it's left parked outside a nightclub all night, maybe?
Richard: Did they by any chance try telling you that the glue will set better if it's left parked outside a nightclub all night, maybe?
[on Jeremy's advocacy of the Noble and Richard's of the Morgan Plus 8]
James: They've brought the wrong cars.
James: They've brought the wrong cars.
[on Jeremy's advocacy of the Noble]
Richard: He just - he misses the point, he's reduced the whole thing to a mathematical equation! That's not a car, it's a calculator.
Richard: He just - he misses the point, he's reduced the whole thing to a mathematical equation! That's not a car, it's a calculator.
[On Jeremy's attempt to disable Stig's car]
Richard: I presume at some point there's gonna be a simply hideous accident.
James: Yep.
Richard: I presume at some point there's gonna be a simply hideous accident.
James: Yep.
[on losing the Oslo race to Jeremy]
James: What's the Norwegian for "Oh, Cock?"
James: What's the Norwegian for "Oh, Cock?"
[on May's Cessna 182.]
Jeremy: What's it called?
Richard: [to Jeremy on the phone] Cessna 182; I think "182" refers to the number of quid it cost, I suspect.
Jeremy: What's it called?
Richard: [to Jeremy on the phone] Cessna 182; I think "182" refers to the number of quid it cost, I suspect.
[on modern British consumers]
Richard: They earn money, they see stuff in shops, and they buy it. That's just the way most of us are. Me! I'm partial to a shirt!
Richard: They earn money, they see stuff in shops, and they buy it. That's just the way most of us are. Me! I'm partial to a shirt!
[on Nigel Mansell's moustache]
Jeremy: I always thought it was interchangeable with your eyebrows.
Jeremy: I always thought it was interchangeable with your eyebrows.
[on organ donation and the dangers of motorcycling]
James: I actually carry a card that says "I do not wish to help Jeremy Clarkson be amusing in the event of my death."
Jeremy: Fair enough.
James: I actually carry a card that says "I do not wish to help Jeremy Clarkson be amusing in the event of my death."
Jeremy: Fair enough.