Top Gear quotes

1565 total quotes



[during the second tractor challenge]
Jeremy: Read it and weep! 2 minutes 57!
Richard: Jeremy... the slowest wins.
Jeremy: Rubbish!

[During the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car segment]
Nick Robinson: Wow, I like the smell of burning rubber. God, it's addictive!

[During The Stig's Lap of the GT-R]
Jeremy: [voiceover] ...And he's still all over Elton John; let's hope he showers afterwards.

[During the Top Gear v. Germans challenge: hatch-back test]
Jeremy: Awful lot of bullets hitting me here.
Jeremy: [voiceover] And no wonder...
Richard: James, what are you doing!?
James: Shooting at Jeremy.
Richard: But he's on our side!
James: Yeah, but why wouldn't you?
Richard: You're right, you would. Fire!

[During the track test of the Zonda Roadster F]
James: The acceleration is so brutal! I think my eyes have moved around the side of my head like a pigeon.

[During the truck challenge, showing their 'knowledge' of their trucks]
James: So what have you got?
Jeremy: A lorry!
James: But what kind?
Jeremy: ...A big one!

[During the Val Thorens race, Jeremy's windscreen has been coated with snow...]
Jeremy: [panicking] I CAN'T SEE A BLOODY THING!! [accidentally pulls off glove while steering] AAGH, pulled my own glove off!

[During the Val Thorens race...]
Jeremy: [Voiceover] Olivier Panis found the Morris particularly annoying.
[Cuts to Panis]
Panis: What is this shitbox?! What is this car? A Morris?

[During their "bank heist" test, Jeremy and Ricard steal the Mercedes-Benz S65 AMG and the Rolls Royce Ghost, leaving him with the Yugo as his only means of transport, he is not pleased with this]
James: What a pair of utter cars!

[During their drive through the rainforest it begins to rain]
Jeremy: [into walkie-talkie] Hammond?
Richard: [through walkie-talkie Yeah?
Jeremy: How wet are you getting in this rain?
[cut to Richard who is soaking wet from the rain getting through the holes in his Land Cruiser]
Richard: [spits out water before replying with mock casualty] No, it's not bad actually.

[During their first night travelling through the jungle...]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Darkness fell, but the temperature didn't.
[Cut to Jeremy in the Range Rover]
Jeremy: How can it be this hot at MIDNIGHT?! HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE?!
Jeremy: [voiceover] Hammond had more to worry about than the heat.
[Cut to Richard in the Land Cruiser, bothered by the sounds of a large insect]
Richard: Aah! What the BLEEP's that?! Oh! [into walkie-talkie] There's something in here squeaking at me, I'll - I'll - ooh. [the noise continues] Oh. Ooh! What is that?! Agh, BLEEP, adadadadagh!! I can't stand that!! I can't stand that!! [throws open his door] I've gotta get out!!

[During their trip to the Concours, while checking on Jeremy's Alfa Romeo 75]
Jeremy: I have been rescued (pertaining to the two women with him) and I haven't even broken down.
Richard: Well then you don't-
[James suddenly appears from the side]
James: Hello.

[During Top Gear Stuntman's first record attempt to jump cars in reverse]
James: If you've just tuned in, you may be thinking, 'Oh no, he's facing the wrong way!'. But no, he is about to enter the history books...in reverse.

[Ending their feature of the Reventón]
Jeremy: Couple of problems: One, they're only making twenty and only one's coming to Britain; the other thing is, eight hundred thousand pounds!
Richard: Yep, that is quite a lot...
Jeremy: Hmmn... But with this, you would get a lot of badge.
Richard: Badge? (ponders, then realizes...)... Oh! V-NO! No no no.
Jeremy: Think I got away with that. So!

[escaping the redneck gas station]
Jeremy: I've just remembered, I've actually got loads of petrol. [drives off]