Richard: And then they tell you - proudly! - that there's enough room in the boot for two sets of golf clubs. And that worries me, that's just fat-businessman stuff. It's a marriage between McLaren and Mercedes, the SLR. And it's brilliant! I just wish it was a bit more McLaren and a bit less Mercedes.

Richard: And, then, inside, it's the usual blend of dead animal and rainforest, but with a twist!

Richard: Aw, mate, I'm never going to be able to get that out of my mind! What I've just been: jammed between Jeremy's thighs in a Dutch three-wheeler! Ooh, yeah!

Richard: But it does sound a lot like a TVR in feeling, you know, noisy and different...
Jeremy: Yes, except a TVR has got a better interior than this, and actually, I think a TVR will be more reliable.
Richard: [giggling] Just how bad was that knock on your head?

Richard: Earlier on, we built an electric car called Geoff, and he was... a disaster. And I'm not one to apportion blame, but it was entirely James's fault.

Richard: Have we just been abandoned here to die?

Richard: Hey Jeremy! I'm better. I can no longer see a cow on your roof!

Richard: How could you not like the GT2, you great fat balding useless hopeless bandy-legged bubble-haired pointless talentless gutless cowardly witless lump of suede-shoe-wearing daft-jean-wearing idiocy?
Jeremy: [pause] I knew you were gonna say that...
Richard: What, all of it?

Richard: How far from Scotland is Carlisle?

Richard: I am not peeling a squirrel!

Richard: I can't believe we're doing this again.
James: Well I think we really should beat him this time. In fact, I'm going to run.

Richard: I can't remember if I took my malaria pill this morning. If I were a girl, I'd be pregnant, a lot!

Richard: I feel like the Pope with his head in a box.

Richard: I said "I'm an after-dinner speaker." [cue mocking by Jeremy & James]
Jeremy: You see...
Richard: I've done two.
James: [scoffs] Two hundred.
Jeremy: Anyway, what was your quote?
Richard: Well for a big corporate bank, 5 grand. I suppose, for a charity, I'll do it for 3 and a half...
Jeremy: No, what was your insurance quote?
Richard: Oh! Grand.. 1000 pounds.
Jeremy: That really includes, presumably, the 800 quid to cover your new expensive teeth.
Richard: I have not... had... my teeth whi-- I just haven't!
Richard: So... I actually lose... er, that's minus five... that's bad.
Jeremy: Ooh... Lose...! Englebert's going down, with his new teeth!

Richard: I'm thinking how long I've been out in the sun, putting that tent up. Because what I'm seeing--and you'll love this--is a cow on the roof of your Camaro.