Richard: [on the Z4M, still in pain after tasting a red naga chili] It absolutely steals your heart, which is why it's the one I'd drive home. If I could see...

Richard: [Regarding Jeremy Clarkson, with exaggerated Dutch accent] He is my partner, and also my lover! (a catchphrase of The Dutch Coppers, characters from Harry Enfield's Television Programme)

Richard: [Voiceover whilst controlling a life-size remote control car towing a caravan about to be hit by the "Wrecking Ball of Doom"] For once, I was hoping the caravan would survive.

Richard: [voiceover] And as befits the decade that celebrated being young and groovy, youth created the Miura. The man who designed its gorgeous body was just 22.
Richard: Think about that. What were you doing at 22? At that age the cars I was drawing still had guns on them.

Richard: [voiceover] Finally, we were all off the ramp, and as a reward, the producers gave us a box of things to help us survive the perils that lay ahead.
Jeremy: [going through box] ...Some rubber tubing... Durex...
Richard: Condoms?!
Jeremy: Vaseline... Tampax... and er... Viagra.
James: I know we're going to be in the jungle a bit together but, that's a bit extreme.
Richard: What kind of party are they planning?

Richard: [voiceover] It really was time for a challenge.
Richard: We don't yet know what we've gotta do.
Jeremy: Well if it's go to Brighton and pose undercover in gay clubs you're right there already.
[James and Jeremy laugh]
Richard: ...yeah.
Jeremy: We've got a challenge here, boys.
Richard: Please don't let it have the word "Brighton" in it...

Richard: [voiceover] James was having problems with his illegal immigrant. So, he decided to employ him.

Richard: [While driving the Pagani Zonda Roadster through a tunnel] There are demons in here! AND I'M DRIVING ONE!

Richard: [While road-testing a Pagani Zonda Roadster] I would sell my house, buy one of these and live in a tunnel. [...] Welcome to the Dark Side!

Richard: [While road-testing a Pagani Zonda Roadster] If you are ten and you are watching this right now, it's exactly as good as you think it is. It is actually that good.

Richard: A dog oversteers, which is more fun...
Jeremy: ...than an understeering hyena.
Richard: So, you want a Mazda MX-5 because it's rear wheel drive.

Richard: And after Jeremy's frankly useless efforts were put on the television, a Scottish lady called Jackie Stewart wrote to us saying that she could get any one of us, to any race track in the country, in any car, get us to set our best time, and then she could get us to knock twenty seconds off that time.
Jeremy: He. It's a he. Jackie Stewart's a he.
Richard: Right-o.
Jeremy: Anyway, we decided to accept his challenge and we sent him the most difficult pupil of them all... him. [Jeremy points to James May]

Richard: And as for the Alfa 147 GTA, well, that's not dead, but it's as mad as a badger.

Richard: And I have never experienced a car this big, and so powerful.

Richard: And now we must do the news, and starting off with Citroën, they've made a new C3, here it is, and... well, it's a Citroën, it looks like that, but the most important thing about it is, for this car, they've invented a new word.
Jeremy: Word?
Richard: They've actually, they've put it in their publicity material for it, and it's, it's "visiodrive". They confess they've made that up, it's a whole... new word! Visio... drive.
Jeremy: I'm sort of sympathetic.
Richard: Why?
Jeremy: Because none of the words you would normally use to describe a Citroën would work very well in their own publicity blurb, would they? Like... "flimsy".