Richard: If I was in a TVR, now, the indicators would be on the ceiling and the switches would be made of kryptonite and the doors would open inwards on a dodecahedral hinge. But no! If I pull up in a Noble, the door is just a door, that opens sort of... doorishly!

Richard: If we were to go to one of those offroad centers-they're springing up all over the place, where you can rent stuff out and do what we did, what would you have? And I'm telling you straight-away, it wouldn't be the racing quads, because you might as well just say, "I'd like to rent some death, please, for the day!"
Jeremy: Yeah, "I want to be dead within the hour!", "Certainly sir, have one of these!"

Richard: Imagine if you will that you've bought a Bugatti Veyron. It's a big investment! You'd be very excited about the day it was to be arriving. So you'd imagine such a thing would be delivered, you know, on like a golden carriage on a bed of swan's feathers. It's a special moment in your life.
Jeremy: I'd want mine borne aloft by sixteen greased, naked eunuchs. That's what I'd want.
Richard: Whatever, the point is, that's the sort of thing you'd expect. It's a big moment. In Russia they do things a little bit differently. Here is one, being transported... [photo of a Veyron on the back of a grubby, industrial Russian truck] There's your Bugatti. [bad Russian accent] "I've brought your Bugatti, sir, it is here!" What, it's on a flatbed pickup!
Jeremy: [also in bad Russian accent] Great success!
Richard: That's a disappointment in your life.

Richard: It's always been a bit of an old-school hooligan, the Civic Type R. If it were in a porn film, it would play the stable lad. Or the plumber. Rather than the smooth international businessman.

Richard: James, we are grown men playing conkers with caravans.
James: That's okay. It's better than working at a bank.

Richard: Jeremy?
Jeremy: Yes?
Richard: I've come up with a problem.
[realising Richard's bucket has holes in it]
Jeremy: You have... you owe me a million pounds!

Richard: Lamborghini knew their masterpiece wasn't perfect, and they steadily improved it throughout its life, culminating in this: the SV of 1971. It had a better gearbox, better differential, better tyres, better rear suspension, and these better gold wheels. D'you know what it was? It was better.

Richard: Look. A petrol station, the natural home territory of the Ford GT. And there it is, at the watering hole, drinking its fill. For the forty-seventh time today.

Richard: Meanwhile, my lack of power was becoming an issue.
[The campervan makes rusty noises]

Richard: No!! Not now...
[Richard tries to start the campervan, just as Jeremy starts to pull away in his Hilux]

Richard: Now normally driving a TVR with any sense of purpose is like chatting to a bloke in the pub and, you know, he says "Well, yeah, we went on 'oliday, took the missus, in the caravan," and then boomf!, punches you in the face, no warning. This, though... it's got understeer! It's telling me, it's saying, "I gotta let you know, you're gettin' on my nerves a little bit." It hasn't lost the lairiness, but it's just been to anger management.

Richard: Now that is what I call a control panel. Grenade launcher. Impulse generator! Lovely.

Richard: Now, I'm dying to know the verdict, but first, something more important... your hat! What were you thinking?! You were like the dog car in Dumb and Dumber [makes a face referring to the hat James was wearing in the 2WD Vs. AWD 911 challenge]
James: [leans toward Hammond] Listen! That hat is haute couture in rallying circles.

Richard: Now, the previous Noble, the M12, was a real "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" punch in the back.

Richard: Now, this is really quite simple, OK? Understeer works like this: [moving a model of a Ford Focus in a straight line] you drive down the road, turn the [steering] wheel, but the car goes straight on, crashes into a tree and you die. OVERsteer works like this: [moving a model of a BMW 3-series] you drive down the same bit of road, turn the wheel, but the back of the car comes round like this [showing how the car fishtails 180 degrees], and you go off the road, crash into a tree and you die. Now, oversteer is best, because you don't see the tree that kills you.