Jeremy: Why does everything always get broken in our Christmas thing?

Jeremy: Why don't we just put nitrous on it?
Richard: Do you remember what happened to the first Stig?
Jeremy: Fell off an aircraft carrier.
Richard: Because?
Jeremy: [glances at The Stig] ...yeah, we used nitrous...

Jeremy: Why would anybody think this was a holiday? I mean at what point in the last eight hours have I done anything I'd call holidayish? Nothing! I've been in a car accident, I've watched James May destroy a camp-site, I've stabbed myself seven times...

Jeremy: With that jacket on mate? I don't think so...

Jeremy: Yes! I am in, I'm parked. [he goes to open his door, but due to the width of his car, he's very close to the car next to him and can't] Ah. [he tries the other door, but can't open that either because it's too close to the wall] Oh, no! I can't-- I can't get out! [voiceover] And James couldn't get in.
James: [he's having trouble getting into another space] Doesn't fit.
Jeremy: [voiceover] Which was making everyone very cross. [other cars start honking their horns] Shut up! OK, fine! You want to have a horn race? READY, STEADY--! [he blasts his horn, which is very loud. The camera goes out to a wide aerial shot of London to emphasise the sound of the horn] Now that's a horn!
James: [voiceover] And it got us thrown out.

Jeremy: Yes, and welcome to the final show in the series.. [Crowd shows disappointment and sighs] Sad.

Jeremy: You can't rationalise cars like this. They're not something you buy with your head, you buy them with your heart, because you love them, and who could explain love? [...] That's ok, that we can't agree, because if you remember, we didn't come all the way through France to find the best supercar. We came here for that. This is the Millau Bridge. At a thousand feet, it's the tallest bridge in the world. It's so tall you could put Canary Wharf underneath the roadway. It's clever too, because it rises and falls by as much as ten feet, depending on the temperature and the season. It is a magnificent achievement. So what does it have to do with our big, heavy, thirsty, expensive cars? That is a supercar in the same way that that is a superbridge. They could've built it lower down with some RSJs and some planks of wood, but they didn't. They built something amazing, something astonishing, something wonderful, they went berserk. This bridge, then, like the cars that brought us here, is an example of humans doing what humans do: pushing boundaries, pushing ourselves, taking something that can't be done ... and then doing it.

Jeremy: You could be birched for loving man there.
Stephen: Yes, which is something people pay a lot of money for in London, so it's like a free service.

Jeremy: You don't need a driving license to be a Lamborghini test driver. You just turn up for the interview, go, "I'm sorry, I'm drunk and mad but I'm called Velociraptor Clint Thrust." "Right, you start on Monday."

Jeremy: You know when you drive behind the gritting machine and say "Oh no, it's turning my car into a DeLorean!

Jeremy: You need to be able to drive the car over a sleeping policeman... That wouldn't drive over Richard Hammond's girlfriend.

Jeremy: You set the controls for the heart of the sun, and just like that... you're on the dark side of the Moon.

Jeremy: You went to art school--you should be good at this.
Richard: Did you go to art school?
Jeremy: No I didn't.
Richard: Then you wouldn't know. All you do at art school is drink and pursue women.

Jeremy: You will never hear anyone say, "Look at that maniac in that Saab!"

Jeremy: You're the most famous guest we've ever had on.
Patrick Stewart: This must be a terrible show, then.