Top Gear quotes
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Jeremy: Nought to 60 takes 7.2 seconds. There are animals which are faster than that.
Jeremy: Now as I understand it you still hold the world record for being sent off in a game of football, don't you? Cause it's five seconds wasn't it?
Vinnie: Yeah, this was... I ran on and it was like a minute.
Jeremy: No, you've done it in five seconds, that's quicker than a minute.
Vinnie: Well no, 'bout a second actually. Mostly came on...
Jeremy: One second?
Vinnie: Yeah.
Jeremy: See, I'm intrigued, not being a footballist I have to admit, how do you reach an opposing player to commit some kind of atrocity in that time?
Vinnie: Yeah, this was... I ran on and it was like a minute.
Jeremy: No, you've done it in five seconds, that's quicker than a minute.
Vinnie: Well no, 'bout a second actually. Mostly came on...
Jeremy: One second?
Vinnie: Yeah.
Jeremy: See, I'm intrigued, not being a footballist I have to admit, how do you reach an opposing player to commit some kind of atrocity in that time?
Jeremy: Now listen you two: no irony, no hyperbole, no sarcasm and don't put a cow on your roof!
Richard: Can I crash into James every time we stop?
Jeremy: No.
Richard: Just a tiny--
Jeremy: No!
[they set off]
Jeremy: If Hammond drives into May's car, Bruce Willis will come in a State Department gunship and we shall all be killed!
Richard: Can I crash into James every time we stop?
Jeremy: No.
Richard: Just a tiny--
Jeremy: No!
[they set off]
Jeremy: If Hammond drives into May's car, Bruce Willis will come in a State Department gunship and we shall all be killed!
Jeremy: Now most modern off-road cars, like for instance the BMW X5, would get stuck on a croquet lawn.
Jeremy: Now then, we can give this car back to Mr. Mason, because we're done with it. But look at how he's going home.
[Mason steps into a helicopter to the opening strains of Money and flies away]
Jeremy: [As he waves goodbye] Why's he doing that?
[Mason steps into a helicopter to the opening strains of Money and flies away]
Jeremy: [As he waves goodbye] Why's he doing that?
Jeremy: Now what I'd like to do at this point to demonstrate the difference between car and plane even more is bolt the Stig into the Saab here and have him race a fighter jet round our track. [laughing] Only trouble is, can you imagine ringing up the Royal Navy and saying, "Hello, I'm from that pokey motoring programme on BBC, would it be possible to borrow one of your Sea Harriers?" You can imagine what the response would be.
[cut to a shot of a Sea Harrier taxiing into position next to the Stig-driven Saab at the start/finish line of the test track]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Yes, they were there in a jiffy.
[cut to a shot of a Sea Harrier taxiing into position next to the Stig-driven Saab at the start/finish line of the test track]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Yes, they were there in a jiffy.
Jeremy: Now you said to me before we went out, you said, "Can you roll it," and I said "No no!"
Michael Gambon: No, I didn't mean--I thought, "would it roll?"
Jeremy: Well, yes, plainly all the evidence...
Michael Gambon: No, I didn't mean--I thought, "would it roll?"
Jeremy: Well, yes, plainly all the evidence...
Jeremy: Now, eh as I'm sure you know, we don't often do consumer advice on this show, but tonight, we are. Because you see, if you were in a market, for large, fast, spacious, executive saloon cars, you'd imagine, that you'll be spoiled for choice. Me too. However, Richard Hammond, who is quite mad, has decided that every single one of them has a fatal flaw.
Jeremy: Now. We have to just touch on something, don't we, before we go, because -
Richard: Whoa, no! No no, no, no no, no no no, gaaah.
Jeremy: [facepalming] The news has gone wrong this week.
Richard: Whoa, no! No no, no, no no, no no no, gaaah.
Jeremy: [facepalming] The news has gone wrong this week.
Jeremy: Of course, ever since the 2CV, Citroën has been the badge of choice for those of a Guardian disposition.
Jeremy: Oh dear. I seem to have accidentally killed James May there.
[beat]
Jeremy: Anyway...
[beat]
Jeremy: Anyway...
Jeremy: Oh, this is terrific! Just imagine how good it would be if you could get third.
Jeremy: Ok! The blue team captained by Captain Slow, that's primetime television. The red team captained by Richard Phillip Schofield Hammond, that's daytime television.
Jeremy: OK, now it's time to do the ugliest car of the year and the nominations are: the Ssangyong Kyron...
Richard: Uugghh...
Jeremy: ...the Ssangyong Rodius...
[shouts of disgust from the audience]
Jeremy: ...and look at this one, the Ssangyong Musso!
[more shouts from the audience]
Jeremy: That thing really is a Moose, isn't it? So which one has won it? It's the BMW 3 Series!
[On "best noise of the year"]
James: That is the sound your spine would make if you could actually hear it tingle.
Richard: Uugghh...
Jeremy: ...the Ssangyong Rodius...
[shouts of disgust from the audience]
Jeremy: ...and look at this one, the Ssangyong Musso!
[more shouts from the audience]
Jeremy: That thing really is a Moose, isn't it? So which one has won it? It's the BMW 3 Series!
[On "best noise of the year"]
James: That is the sound your spine would make if you could actually hear it tingle.