Jeremy: James and Richard think it's all over... and they're right!

Jeremy: James will be exaggerating... [sees the car] James isn't exaggerating. [we see the car, which has indeed got no front end] And it's leaking. I watch Formula One a lot, and I've never seen a Formula One car, two hours before a race, looking like that.

Jeremy: James, the car is weaving about.
Richard: It's not--this is not natural.
James: Really alarming!
Richard: [voiceover] So, we consulted the caravan handbook.
Jeremy: [quoting the handbook] "When a swaying caravan starts to dictate the direction of travel, you have a snake."
Richard: No, you have a crash!
Jeremy: Exactly! [quoting] "Try to keep it in the straight ahead position, and allow the outfit to slow down gradually." [commenting] And that's not true! You put your foot down, don't you?
Richard: Power out of it. Always!
James: Yeah!
Jeremy: Power out!
Richard: Yes, if in doubt, give it more power.
Jeremy: [holding up the handbook] This is wrong!

Jeremy: Jesus is here!

Jeremy: Jiggle it.
Richard: I'm jiggling like a bugger.

Jeremy: Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Jeremy: Let's go to the pole!

Jeremy: Let's try Radio 4.
Melvyn Bragg: [on the radio] Society has not always valued originality.
Jeremy: Ooh, it's Melvyn Bragg's philosophy show.
Melvyn: To what extent is originality about perception, rather than conception? And is originality a concept without meaning today?
Jeremy: I'm not quite with you there, Melvyn. I... I don't really understand the question.

Jeremy: Listen, I want to play a game with you, okay? This Countdown thing, okay? This rearranging letters, yes? [Points to a bloke in an FCUK shirt] What do you reckon? Got any ideas on that one?
Whiteley: I'm short-sighted. I can't see that, thank goodness!

Jeremy: Look, anyone who washes their car has a small mind, or is in an unhappy marriage!

Jeremy: My name... is Jack Bauer. And this is the most economical 24 hours of my life.

Jeremy: Next up, James Kray.

Jeremy: No American who designed that chassis [pointing to his Ford GT] is even half-aware that a road like this exists. If you brought an American here he would die of shock!

Jeremy: No, seriously, if you go to Korea, don't order a cauliflower cheese, because it won't be what you think.

Jeremy: No, you see I had one last week: Boxster S, new car, fantastic really, the most beautifully balanced... I felt like a prat.