Jeremy (narrating): James, meanwhile, wasn't even enjoying the excellent music on the local radio station.
[The radio is playing "Jessica" by the Allman Brothers (AKA The "Top Gear" theme).]
James: (pointing to the radio) I wasn't expecting to hear that.
[Cut to Jeremy driving and also hearing the theme.]
Jeremy: On tonight's programme... (laughs)

Jeremy: [after learning they couldn't enter Iran being from the BBC] I bet the original three wise men never had this problem.
Richard: But they weren't BBC were they?

Jeremy: [before plunging into a ditch] Follow me! [a few seconds later he gets stuck] Don't follow me!

Jeremy: [On James' 2.0 litre GTV] Why didn't you get the V6?
James: It's not as good.
Jeremy: What?!
James: No, it's nose-heavy. The handling is compromised.
Jeremy: Of course, this is front-wheel drive, isn't it?
James: Yes.
Jeremy: And front-wheel drive is for the feeble.

Jeremy: [trying to say he can't get out of the car in Italian to 2 service station workers]
[subtitle: My prawns don't function]

Jeremy: [upon seeing Richard's car and finding out that James has gone over budget] So we're not three wise men, we're one wise man, an idiot and a cheat.

Jeremy: [voiceover] And what's more, the Leaf can even deliver your own personal Greenpeace lecture.
[short jingle]
Jeremy: It's talking! [looking visibly surprised while it speaks]
Electronic female voice: By the 12th of May, electric cars worldwide saved a total of 344,000 eco-trees.
Jeremy: What!?
Electronic female voice: And 659 tonnes of carbon-dioxide has been reduced.
Jeremy: What do they mean? What's an eco-tree? What are you saying woman?

Jeremy: [voiceover] As night fell, we came across a village fete. Everyone was doing business, so I ramped up the PA.
[Music being played from Jeremy's loudspeaker]
Jeremy: The British are back... I mean here.

Jeremy: [voiceover] I brought in our special weapons man who had learned in the armed forces how to have a pixellated face.

Jeremy: [voiceover] Meanwhile...
Richard: [over the PA system] ? La la la la la la la la la la la la la! ? [annoyed looks from the passengers]
James: [over the PA system] Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis. It's my Tannoy.

Jeremy: [voiceover] Mostly, they talked about health and safety so we thought we should too.
Jeremy: Don't have an accident.
Richard & James: Don't have an accident.
Richard: If you do have an accident, remember... it was an accident.

Jeremy: [voiceover] The foam fitting was rather disturbing.
Jeremy: Why -- what are you doing? You're in my actual anus. That was my actual anus that you put your hand in.
Jean Alesi: It is a part of the programme!
Jeremy: Things that just happened that I didn't think would happen today. Jean Alesi, who I used to hero-worship, is playing with my genitals.

Jeremy: [voiceover] We pulled over by a roadside market that had a waterfall and a river in it.

Jeremy: But -- but I think there is a problem with this car... because they've called it... The Growler.
[laughter from the audience]
Richard: Yeah. Now... now, we... we... we Googled growler [laughter] and we were quite surprised and a bit shocked by what it turns out to mean.
Jeremy: And do you know, Richard, I've forgotten what it is. What does it mean? Can you tell the ladies and gentlemen?
Richard: Well, you know those... big welcome mats you might see on a girl in the '70s? [laughter]
Jeremy: That's what it is!
Richard: Yeah.
James: Why would you name your car after that?
Jeremy: Honestly, James, I don't think they knew. I think they're sitting in Zurich, or wherever they are. This is the first time they've realised that growler means that in England. And they'll be sitting going, "Gott in Himmel! Wolfgang, ve have accidentally named ze car after ein Fraugarten!"
[laughter from Richard and the audience]
James: Look, the car, the Growler... is it based on an XK? Has it got four seats?
Jeremy: No, you can't get in the back.
[brief pause then laughter from Richard and the audience applauses]
Jeremy: Everybody's turned over to Countryfile.
Richard: What? What?!
James: I'm not, uh, I'm not sure they're going to sell very many of those.
Jeremy: No, neither do I. There's another reason why. It costs £670,000.
Richard: Ouch!
Jeremy: Yeah. There probably will be a trimmed-down version later, but I bet you... [laughter] just for the Brazilian market.
Richard: I'm sorry. It's called a Growler.
James: There's a bloke at some point who is going to say, "I'm just going outside to wax the Growler."
[laughter from Jeremy, Richard and the audience]
Jeremy: Wax the Growler.
Richard: Oh, you dirty bugger!

Jeremy: Can I just say, if I'm kidnapped, I don't want to hear any of this, ��Well, you know we, we don't give in to kidnap demands'. Just pay. I don't want to be beheaded on the Internet.