Top Gear quotes

1565 total quotes



[speaking over a bull horn to the men of the D5481]
Jeremy: The Pantheon, the Pyramids, the Great Wall of China. Each a shining beacon of mans ambition and today the D5481 will join that list. We shall build this road in a day, our resurfacing work will last for a thousand years!

[Still on the Porsche 911, after Hammond explained the intricacies of using it in daily life]
James: So in the real world my 1.2 litre Fiat Panda is faster to the shops.
Richard: No mate, it's just not.
James: Because I've got to put the seatbelt on once. You have got to do it six times.
Richard: OK, I've got to do that and wait whilst you put your seatbelts on and then go through all your preflight checks, and make sure all the airvents are all in the same direction. [audience laughing]

[Talking about Porsches vs Ferrarris]
Jeremy:... It's like David Attenborough. I respect David Attenborough, I mean just, infinite respect, in the same way I respect that car. But I have no passion for him; I don't want to make love to him.
Richard: Yeah but... [audience laughing] But I have respect and passion for the 911.
Jeremy: There you are, you just admitted on television that you wanna make love to David Attenborough.

[testing Hammond's stretched MG]
Jeremy: Where is the heater?
Richard: Well, that is a problem, because it - the engine, of course, is at the back, and the pipes, I - it hasn't got one!
Jeremy: You're the stupidest man I've ever met.
[on his stretched Fiat Panda]
Jeremy: I had to lop seven feet out of the middle (to make it road-legal) but it is now quite nippy, 'cause it's only eight feet longer than a bus!
Lemar: (to James May): Remember,earlier,when I was talking about circles? I mean,Harrods,I've seen it twice,I don't need to see it a third time.

[the trio debate Clarkson's haircut]
James: I had mine cut last week and you said having a hair cut on the studio day was "gay".
Jeremy: I said you should spend more than four pounds on a hair cut James, that's what I actually said.
James: So why didn't you?

[to Richard on speaking before the museum experts]
Jeremy: Do you know what? We've made amphibious cars, we made a convertible people carrier, I've raced you to Oslo... this is the hardest thing I have ever faced.

[To Simon Pegg in the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car interview]
Jeremy: Now, can I just move on, 'cause films, you're a bit of a buff I gather.
Simon: I am a bit.
Jeremy: Star Wars, in particular.
Simon: Yeah absolutely.
Jeremy: Did you not once write a three-and-a-half thousand word essay on why you thought C3PO was gay?
[Simon giving his explanations]
Simon: And you could argue that C3PO is a kind of emasculated homosexual. Because he's very camp, but he was safe because he didn't have a willy.
Jeremy: Homosexual men have willies.
Simon: He's sexually non-threatening.
Jeremy: Graham Norton's got a willy.
Simon: How do you know?
[Jeremy is now at a loss of words, at which point the audience laughs]

[Upon starting the new series]
Jeremy: Now there is actually a problem, really, because, obviously, one of us blokes has now become Princess Diana!

[while Jeremy is speaking before the panel of experts]
James: Oh look, I found Jeremy's notes: Trousers, fat, Hitler, Teige, Mazda, Alfa, modernism, minimalism.