Jeremy: Hey, now, talking of getting in touch, we have a number of people after last week's show got in touch to complain.
Richard: They did.
Jeremy: We had... well, I said something about a Muslim, OK? Two complaints. Remember Jesus came last week and, I talked to Him? Three complaints. We were slightly rude about caravans...
Richard: Yeah, we sort of set one on fire a bit.
Jeremy: A hundred and fifty complaints. :[Crowd laughs]
Richard: Seriously.
Jeremy: A hundred and fifty and lots of people are now demanding an apology.
Richard: They are. So erm, we really are sorry. And we promise, that we will, all three of us, never ever go caravanning again.
Jeremy: No! No, no, no! I'm sorry we didn't burn more caravans!
Richard: You're right, so am I! Yeah. That's true.

Jeremy: How do I "Release The Excrements"?
Richard: Ohhhh... you're so on your own with that job!

Jeremy: I'm gonna have to explain all this to my nine-year-old boy. [makes a face] Who's ten, I've just remembered!

Jeremy: I'm no match for Hamster; look at his postage stamp go!

Jeremy: I've got a spare outboard.
Richard: You are joking.
Jeremy: I have. How much will you give me?
Richard: A million pounds!
Jeremy: A million?
Richard: And a leg, take your pick! Either leg! [Jeremy hands him the tiny 4.5hp motor he was originally recommended] Oh, yes! Now what do I do?

Jeremy: It's the coldest March for twenty years, because of global warming.

Jeremy: James, the car is weaving about.
Richard: It's not--this is not natural.
James: Really alarming!
Richard: [voiceover] So, we consulted the caravan handbook.
Jeremy: [quoting the handbook] "When a swaying caravan starts to dictate the direction of travel, you have a snake."
Richard: No, you have a crash!
Jeremy: Exactly! [quoting] "Try to keep it in the straight ahead position, and allow the outfit to slow down gradually." [commenting] And that's not true! You put your foot down, don't you?
Richard: Power out of it. Always!
James: Yeah!
Jeremy: Power out!
Richard: Yes, if in doubt, give it more power.
Jeremy: [holding up the handbook] This is wrong!

Jeremy: Jesus is here!

Jeremy: Jiggle it.
Richard: I'm jiggling like a bugger.

Jeremy: Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Jeremy: Look, anyone who washes their car has a small mind, or is in an unhappy marriage!

Jeremy: Next up, James Kray.

Jeremy: Okay, remind me. Who were the last 4 teams in the World Cup? All European. Women's finalists at Wimbledon; both European. Men's finalists; both European. Everything anyone ever does in any walk of life is done better by Europeans and it's the same with cars.

Jeremy: Richard really did have a size problem, and his van was pretty small as well.

Jeremy: Rise Toybota!