[Richard is exploring the caravan after they are finally parked up]
Richard: What the heck! [voiceover] And then I discovered Jeremy's secret weapon. Literally.
Jeremy: Ah, yes. I brought that. [Hammond reveals what Jeremy had packed, and hands it to Jeremy] Yeah, well, you might-- I thought--
Richard: That's an AK-47.
Jeremy: I know. I thought I might need it.
Richard: Why?
Jeremy: A weekend in a box with James May and I thought, what am I gonna need?
Richard: You're not a practical man, are you?

[Richard's seat has fallen over while negotiating the Hammerhead]
James: Regain control of the cottage!

[Richard's van is sinking and James' car is stuck in weeds]
Richard: Did you want tea or coffee?
James: Tea, please mate.

[riding in the tow car on a single-carriageway country road]
Richard: Oh, I've just seen the queue [behind them] as we came off the roundabout! I can't live with the shame!

[still during the news]
Jeremy: Now, we get loads of...er, letters on this show, very angry ones from people who say we don't do enough, em, affordable cars, you know, family cars. One particularly angry caller last week rang the BBC duty log saying we were a disgrace, well, Mr. Needham, check this out...[a picture of the Vauxhall Corsa appears on the TV screen] That is the new Vauxhall Corsa! [3 seconds later] And, er, moving on now...[audience dissolves into laughter]

[Talking about their new dog, Top Gear Dog (TGD), being a Labradoodle (Labrador-Poodle cross)]
Jeremy: Yeah, that makes her a hybrid. We were going to call her "Prius", but that would have been cruel... and she would have eaten a lot more than we were expecting.

[testing Jeremy's redecorated Mercedes, with its concrete floor]
Richard: Sixty miles an hour!
James: [tripping stopwatch] Thirty-five point four seconds!

[The three take their convertible people carrier through a car wash]
Jeremy: Uh... it's on fire.
Richard: What?! It can't be on fire! [He looks] It's on fire.
Jeremy: It's on fire. Just run. Just run.
[The three run off... and after the film]
Jeremy: The thing is, we managed to set fire to something that's basically made of water!
Richard: How did you do that? Did you see the owner of the car wash afterwards?
Jeremy: He was...
Richard: Cross. Very cross.
James: He was especially cross when I rang him up and asked if we could have our three pounds fifty back.

[thundering down the road in the Koenigsegg CCX]
Jeremy: Who needs nicotine?!

[to Michael Gambon]
Jeremy: Last time you were here, in the Liana: 1.55. You did it, in the Lacetti, in one minute... [Jeremy starts writing the time down but stops, holding the pen up] Due to the unique way the BBC is funded, the pen doesn't work!

[to the guest French fashion designer, who complained about his eating habits]
Jeremy: What's the matter with chips with vinegar on them?

[towing away the torched wreck of their caravan]
Jeremy: All things considered, how do you think the holiday went?
Richard: ...I think "well."

[Trying to discover what sort of car Richard has bought during the Amphibious Car Challenge]
Jeremy: Hamster! How it's going?
Richard: Very well, thank you, very well indeed!
Jeremy: What are you doing? What've you got?
Richard: Err, it's, it's pretty... I don't wanna tell you, really, but it's pretty... sleek, um, as a road-going vehicle; as a boat I think it's gonna be a winner.
Jeremy: I bet it's a Lotus Esprit, isn't it?
Richard: Well, it's a monocoque [screws up face]. Um, so it, it has sort of sporting... pretensions.
Jeremy: And what're you going in terms of propulsion?
Richard: Uh, well, now, the, the, the, the... lot of power. I'm gonna... I'm gonna fully utilise the onboard power.
Jeremy: [voiceover] Hammond was keeping his cards close to his chest.
James: Hello?
Jeremy: May.
James: Clarkson.
Jeremy: Have you heard the Hamster?
James: Well, yeah, I did, but I can't get much out of him. He's now saying his car is rear-engined, but not a 911. I think he's bought an Hillman Imp and he's making a submarine.

[while driving with Jackie Stewart]
James: This is probably what will happen to me in hell: A TVR, a racetrack and a pedantic Scotsman.

[While racing the Peugeot 207 against the parkour boys]
James: I'm not going to be beaten by some pre-pubescent teenagers in camouflaged trousers.