[on the Italian supercar challenge]
Jeremy: [...] Now, next one is the big one, okay - insurance. That's the main problem with cars of this type, okay? We had to go out and get a quote to see how low we could go, and mine was, for the Maserati, 300 pounds.
Richard: A year?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: For a Maserati?
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Don't be ridiculous!
Jeremy: No, you see, the reason is pretty simple: unlike you, I'm a respectable middle-aged man, unlike you, I don't have any points on my license, and it's kept in an alarmed, locked garage in one of the safest parts of the country.
James: Yeah, but hang on a minute though, because you are, what, a journalist and a broadcaster, and I happen to know that those are 2 of the highest rated insurance risks on the book.
Jeremy: Yep, you're exactly right, which is why I told them I was a doctor! [referring to his honorary doctorate in engineering]

[On the News]
Jeremy: A cow does more global warming than a Range Rover.

[on the phone with an insurance company]
Jeremy: Hello, are you the people who can "quote me happy" ?

[on the Porsche Cayman]
Jeremy: It's called the Cayman and I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "that's not a new car, it's just a Boxster with a roof." You have got a point, it's got the same controls as the Boxster. They should've called it the Coxster!

[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his earwax tastes like Turkish delight... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

[on the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he'd burn for a thousand days... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

[on the Stig]
Richard: Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

[on the Stig]
Richard: Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin's, and that where ever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts... all we know is, he's called the Stig.

[on the Veyron]
Jeremy: Even though there are these huge cooling ducts here and the engine has no cover at all, that thing has ten radiators. Three to cool the engine itself, three for the intercoolers, one to do the axle oil, one to do the engine oil and one to cool the hydraulic fluid used to raise that rear spoiler. It's got more radiators than my house!

[racing two speed climbers in an Audi RS4]
Jeremy: I will not be beaten by two adrenaline junkies who call everyone "dude."

[reading the French President's remarks on the Millau Bridge]
Jeremy: "A modern France, an enterprising, successful France, a France which invests in the future..." - He forgot to mention the fact, that the architect was British!

[Richard and James observe as Jeremy yet again stops to refuel his notoriously thirsty car at a service station in southern France]
Richard: How can he need more?
James: Have you noticed how his right bicep is now slightly bigger than his left one?
[Richard laughs]
James: ...have you also noticed that when he fills his car up, he stands like a teapot?
[Richard laughs harder and the camera reveals this to be true - Jeremy has his unoccupied hand on his hip, and his legs crossed]
[Jeremy wanders over]
Jeremy: James, I've run out of money.
James: Have you... what an interesting predicament.
Jeremy: [quietly] Please can I borrow some money.
Richard: I'm not-- we're not bailing you out!
James: You want me to pay for your petrol?
Jeremy: Yes!
James: Right, the nation is observing...
Jeremy: [wandering off] I haven't got any money...
James: ...while I fund your ridiculous petrol habit.

[Seeing James arriving on the scene with an AA truck, complete with the Lamborghini Urraco strapped to the truck's bed]
Jeremy: James had bought an AA truck! [Jeremy and Richard began to dissolve into laughter, as James hops off from the truck] James, we told you to buy a mid-engined, Italian supercar, not a truck.