[after Jeremy rants about the MG-F as being "for people with Beards, or Breasts"]
Richard: You know sometimes, when a thought pops into your head? You should kinda leave it there...and not put it out in the world.
Jeremy: [apparently shocked] Did I just say that all out loud, then?
Richard: Oh, yes mate, sorry, you did.
Jeremy: God another thought's just popped into my head, 'bout how like the cat in Shrek 2 you look like.

[discussing the death of J.G. Parry-Thomas at "the birthplace of British speed"]
Richard: Getting back to this head coming off business...
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Presumably what happened was the car, what, dug in, flipped, rolled...
Jeremy: Several times.
Richard: Head came off.
Jeremy: Yeah.
Richard: Couldn't the same thing happen to us?
Jeremy: Ooh, I shouldn't think so.
Richard: Right.

[during a news segment]
Jeremy: Have you seen the back seats of the Discovery?
Richard: They're magnificent!
James: Fantastic!
Richard: It's worth getting one--well you won't get one 'cos...
[Jeremy spots someone in the audience]
Jeremy: Jesus is here!
Richard: Well, we never knew!
Jeremy: Who have we booked as the guest this week?
Richard: Maybe he's not suppose to be on yet.
Jeremy: Is he the guest? That would be something, we'll have some viewers then!
Jesus: At least I'm not too tall for my hair, eh Jeremy?
Both: Wahey!

[During the 996 GT3 RS vs Ferrari 360 Challenge Stradale]
Jeremy: "Eat my exhausts, Badoer!"

[during the Cool Wall]
Jeremy: [on the Fiat Barchetta] Who said it's still a Fiat? What's wrong with the Fiat?
Audience Member: They're not good. They're French!
Jeremy: Where the hell do we get this audience from?!
Richard: A gardening programme, mate...
Jeremy: Do you know what Fiat stands for, the "I" in it?! Italia!

[During the News Segment. Hammond has just mentioned the new mini. He is wearing a bright red shirt.]
Jeremy: Whoa, what are the noises for? Do you like it?
Audience (Including James): No!
Richard: Heck, I do, Actually, I think that looks great! [silence] Maybe it's the shirt?
Jeremy: How much is it going to cost?
Richard: It's going to cost... well, they'll generally be about £2500 more than the equivalent hard top. So the Cooper S, the Supercharged version of that, £17 500, £15 500 for the coupe. About £13 500 I think for the mini one.
James: That's horrible.
Richard: Well, yeah, but the mini- it's not a cheap small car. It's an expensive small car. And I like that [points at mini].
Jeremy: It's a metrosexual car.
Both: A What?
Jeremy: Metrosexual! It's the new thing! It's for the chap, he doesn't wanna be too butch, he doesn't wanna have like, you know, a big 4x4, he spends quite a bit of money on hair products- [gestures towards Richard]
Richard: Don't point at me, mate.
Jeremy: He's interested in shirts, probably wears cowboy boots- [Richard is looking sheepishly at his feet, which are clad in cowboy boots] -That kind of thing! He's a blend of gay and not-gay.
Richard: [talking over Jeremy] I am not a metro-flamin'-sexual!
Jeremy: You are a metrosexual! I can see you in one of those! [Points at the Mini Cooper's picture]
Richard: Apart from anything else, how would you know what a metrosexual is?
Jeremy: I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
Richard: You're probably right.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: a pink Ford; a black man's Cadillac; and I go berserk in a Silver Arrow.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: an awful new car from Rover; a brilliant new car from Aston Martin; and the Apache helicopter gunship: can it get missile lock on a Lotus Exige?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: James and Richard take some cabrios to the wilds of Scotland; I go skiing on the B4796; And can you parachute into a moving car?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: James and Richard try their hand at minicabbing; I drive a smoking jacket from Holland; and our Reasonably-Priced Car says Hello!... to Lionel Richie.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: James tries to get a sofa in a Volvo estate; The Hamster goes to see the 'Vette; And I go off road in a BMW that can't.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Jordan makes a boob in our Liana; Ferrari and Porsche go to war on our track; And we have some crashes on purpose.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard says goodbye to a motoring icon; The fastest car in the world comes to our track; And how good is the Citroën 2CV in a crosswind?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Some big challenges; Can you play darts with cars?; Which is faster, a Ford or a pigeon; And can this new Porsche break the lap record on our track?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Thora Hird's wardrobe on our track; Richard gets whacked with 800,000 volts; and we take three cars to the birthplace of British speed.