[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight, James gets wet, an actual spin doctor on our track, and the Stig laps a Reliant Robin.

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight, on new serious Top Gear, James catches fire, Richard knocks something over, and I crash a Reliant Robin into a lamp post.

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight, Richard drives a muscle car, I wear some unusual trousers and there's a wizard in our Reasonably Priced Car.

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight, Richard wears a towel, James and I eat some crisps, and a fly is in our reasonably-priced car.

[During the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car segment]
Nick Robinson: Wow, I like the smell of burning rubber. God, it's addictive!

[Explaining his version of Olympics to Danny Boyle]
Jeremy: OK, what I'm seeing, OK, the gates come open, the gates are on fire. Some Jags come in, XKRs. On full opposite lock, on fire. And the guy, instead of having a torch, on fire, what if the whole man is on fire? He runs along and leaps into the big saucer-y thing with the flames and that goes on fire. The crowd could be on fire... Every single thing. Because then it could be like Top Gear.

[Jeremy sees he is being overtaken by a huge lorry]
Jeremy: [gasp of horror, then] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
James: [over the walkie-talkie, after witnessing Jeremy swerving frantically to maintain control and avoid the lorry] Jeremy, can I just say, this is the biggest entertainment I've had on a road journey in my whole life! It's absolutely hilarious!

[On the Porsche 911 Sport Classic]
James: Here it is. Porsche call it the Sport Classic, but I prefer to think of it as, "Now that's what I call the best of the 911 Volume 1".

[On the Porsche Boxster Spyder]
James: There's more, or rather less. There is no standard air con. The door handles are being replaced by these little bits of rag, and they even dished the piece of plastic that goes on top of the instrument. What Porsche do, is they...they leave a lot of things that you should get on the Boxster on a shelf, in a factory, and then they charge you more for not giving them to you.
James: This is a really happy car. It's full of vibrant energy and enthusiasm, it's a bit like of those really stupid dogs, I bet if you threw a ball, it'd chase after it.

[On the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say he's recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym of "Lady Gaga", and that under his racing suit, he also wears a red g-string and suspenders. All we know is, he's called the Stig!

[On the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that he spent all week daydreaming about what Rubens Barrichello would look like in a ham slicer. [laughter] And that he's terrified the BBC will reveal his salary, because he's paid in strong pornography. All we know is, he's called the Stig!

[On the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that his discharge is luminous, and that even as we speak, he is appearing on the main stage at Glastonbury performing his most famous hit, Superstition. All we know is, he's called the Stig!

[On the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that if you hold him in the wrong way he doesn't work properly. (laughter) And that just recently, he developed an irrational hatred of Rubens Barichello. All we know is he's called the Stig.

[On the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say the Scottish released him a little bit too soon. (crowd laughs) And that he spent all week pushing an effigy of Rubens Barrichello through his desk fan. All we know is, he's called the Stig!

[On the Stig]
Jeremy: Some say there are 17 different reasons why he's banned from the Northampton branch of Little Chef, and that his favorite airline pilot is Mark Webber. Two actually, all we know of course, he's the Stig!