[Talking about the Porsche Boxster Spyder's "clever" gearbox]
Richard: It's got a very clever gearbox, it's called the... *stumbles*
Jeremy: Is it German?
Richard: It's a German name, it's really complicated..
Jeremy: Oh God..
Richard: So can I just spell this out, it's a D, O, P, P, E, L.. K.. U.. P, P.. L... U... N, G... S.. G.. E, T, R.. I, E, B.. E.
[Talking about a long German word for a gearbox]
Jeremy: Do you know what that means? You speak German.
James: I do.
Jeremy: What's the only German you can say?
James: Aber ja, natürlich Hans nass ist, er steht unter einem Wasserfall.
Jeremy: What's that mean?
James: "Naturally Hans is wet, he's standing under a waterfall."
Richard: Ok...
[Audience laughs]
James: I use it all the time.

[Talking about what would be the best car to take on a Grand Tour of Europe]
Richard: What you want for a Grand Tour is engine at the front, nice comfy suspension, four seats and a boot for all your luggage
Jeremy: Exactly, like the Aston
Richard: Well, yeah, it's the best... apart from the fact that the Ferrari costs £140,000, the Lambo £150,000 and the Aston is the best part of £170,000
Jeremy: Yes
Richard: And it's the slowest to 60mph.
Jeremy: Yes
Richard: And it's got the smallest top speed
Jeremy: Yes. But... [pointing to the Ferrari] that's a V8, [pointing to the Lamborghini] that's a V10, [pointing to the Aston] that's a V12. MORE, [emphasising the difference in height between himself and Hammond] is better.

[Talking with Guy Ritchie]
Jeremy: Now obviously - I'm sorry about this - I'm sure a lot of people are going to expect a lot of tittle-tattle about Madonna. Can I just say? This isn't Loose Women. So there'll be none of that. This is Top Gear and I'm more interested in your love of winching. [to audience] No, I'm not kidding, ok. You like - what's it called? Off-green-laning? Off-roading?
Guy: Green-laning and a bit winching. There's nothing like a good winch. As you know, It's a thing. I mean, it's quite a nerdy undertaking.
Jeremy: No, no, but there is. Because there are people who deliberately get stuck... [Guy smiles and nods] Don't tell me you're one of those? So you winch yours- you do don't you?
Guy: I mean, if you're into winching, you get stuck.
Jeremy: And so then you can get out - winch yourself out?
Guy: Yeah, well, if you don't get stuck you can't winch, so you deliberately look to get stuck.
Jeremy: I just find that fasci- cause what's the big appeal of winching a car?
Guy: It doesn't make any sense at all. Why should you want to get a car stuck and then get it out? But I gotta tell ya - it's a lot of fun. I can't believe I'm talking so much about winching.

[The morning after they have first set camp in the Amazon]
Richard: [voiceover] To get away from the creepy crawlies, I decided to seek refuge in my car.
Richard: [opens door] Ooooookay... [Then shuts it again] Guys..!

[They've made camp and night has fallen]
Jeremy: [Showing a book about insects to Hammond, who has a phobia of them] This is a book about all the creatures that live in the rainforest that Mr Sting hasn't told us about. Would you like to hear about... the Brazilian wandering spider?
Richard: [Looking uncomfortable] Not really no.
Jeremy: Causes around five human fatalities a year. Lives on the forest floor.
[Hammond turns on a toy dinosaur shaped head torch, which quietly screeches a few times]
Jeremy: What is that?
Richard: Head torch. I'm looking for a, what was it called a wandering spi-?
Jeremy: Ooh, the botfly, now this is a marvellous thing. The botfly cannot sting a human directly, but captures smaller insects, lays its larvae upon them and then releases them. If the smaller host insect then bites the human, the botfly larvae are impregnated into the skin. The larvae then pupates inside the skin, at which point they eat their way out and fly away. The BBC Natural History Unit reports the case of a man, who was bitten behind the ear, and was kept awake at night by the sound of the botfly larvae eating the flesh inside his head.
[Cut to view of the moon]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Hammond didn't have a good night.
[Cut to outside Hammond's tent]
Richard: [From inside his tent] What's that? Aaagh! Ah! Stick insects! Something's honestly landed- there's things on my head - oh, what is that?! There's something that just flew in my hair and it's squeaking at me, it's big...!
Jeremy: [voiceover] ...and to be honest, he didn't have a great morning either.
Richard: WHO has done this? [cuts to Richard with one of his trouser legs missing]

[Trying to pull James's Jimmy off the ramp...]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Having rescued a man from the ooze, the mighty Range Rover would now rescue the little Suzuki.
Jeremy: It's only an ounce to pull.
James: Please be gentle with this, Jeremy, and not a yob.
Jeremy: POWEEERRRRRRRR!!!

[While driving through the rainforest, Richard is still wondering who stole his trouser leg]
Richard: [into walkie-talkie] Come on, who's got my trouser leg?
[In Jeremy's truck, Jeremy is wearing Richard's trouser leg as a headcloth]
Jeremy: [into walkie-talkie, with mock innocence] Has your trouser leg gone missing?

[while fastest Star in a Reasonably Priced Car Brian Johnson gives his acceptance speech in the monitor]
Brian Johnson: Thanks very much for this wonderful honour and for this fabulous trophy. [chuckles] You must have spent a fortune on this! [points to the trophy name plate] My name's Brian, not "Brain". And that's an ice hockey player on top of there, look, but never mind. This'll do me for now. So have a great time at Christmas and I'll see you soon, guys. Thanks, everybody. Bye-bye.
Jeremy: Brain Johnson!
Richard: Well, I'm sorry.
Jeremy: That's the worst thing we've ever done.
Richard: It was cheap. It was cheap.