[After testing the Zonda Roadster F]
James: Now the office say they have another car to try on the track but I shouldn't worry because it's only a VW. [Looks in the distance] Funny.
[Cuts to the Veyron]

[After testing their V8 rocking chair]
Jeremy: It hasn't worked, because the noise is so great, you'd never hear the television, would you?
Richard: That... and the fact that the old lady has disintegrated. Her head's come off!

[Also during the truck challenge]
Richard: I have bought this!
Jeremy: What is it?
Richard: It's an, well it's an... Erf!

[as the Fiesta drives through the surf toward the beach]
Jeremy: Come onnnnn!
Royal Marine: [from the back seat] Are we nearly there yet?
Jeremy: [laughing, to the Marine corporal in the front passenger seat] The kids are being annoying. Shoot them.

[At the beginning of Jeremy's GT2 review]
Jeremy: AAAAaaAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAaaAAaaAaAaAaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
[Stops the GT2 and gets out]
Jeremy: [voiceover] And that concludes my road test of the GT2. It's terrifying.

[At the start of the news]
James: And now the news. And it's great news, ladies and gentlemen! It's news to warm the hearts of nations: Jeremy Clarkson has lost his voice! [Audience cheers and applauds]
Richard: Mate, sorry. I know, imagine how we feel. They're gutted mate, they're gutted. But the good news is that means we can talk about whatever we like and say what we like.
[Jeremy pulls a sad face]
Richard: Yeah, yeah, whatever...

[back in the studio with James]
Jeremy: I tried to be fair. I did try, but it was... it didn't work.
James: It's not good though is it?
Jeremy: No, I think the price will come down, you know once -- what's he called -- Brad Cruise and Leonardo DiClooney. Once they've bought six hundred each, then the price will drop. And I guess once they've made a few of them they'll get better at the reliability.
James: Well, that's as maybe. But -- and as I aim to demonstrate later on in the show -- battery powered electric cars will soon die altogether.
Jeremy: No, we are looking forward to that film. Well, I am anyway.

[Both Roadsters are unavailable, charging or broken]
Jeremy: I did think that the Teslas would bring a bit of peace and quiet to our track with their electric motors. [I] didn't think it would be this much peace and quiet though. [walking off] That is the sound of silence.
Jeremy: [voiceover] What we have here then is an astonishing technical achievement: the first electric car you might actually want to buy. It's just a shame that in the real world it doesn't seem to work.

[Closing the episode]
Jeremy: Anyway, that aah, that's all we got time for this week. Next week, for reasons we don't understand, we're on at nine o'clock. So we'll see you then. Unless you're watching this on Dave. In February. In the middle of the afternoon. In which case we hope that you get a job soon. Take care, see you soon, bye!

[commentating on The Stig's Power Lap in the Lamborghini]
Jeremy: He appears to have started to listening to Morse code. Very strange, or maybe it's him making that noise.
The Stig: [in Morse code] Strictly is crap.
[...]
The Stig: [in Morse code] I love cheese.

[describing The Stig's lap in the Abarth]
Jeremy: Stig still listening to Morse code, better than static I suppose ... maybe he's signalling to his home planet.
The Stig: [in Morse code] I voted Ross Perot.
The Stig: [in Morse code] Me smell cats.

[Describing the Zonda Roadster F]
James: That is the Zonda F Roadster. [voiceover] And in the already insane world of Pagani, this one has its own special padded cell.

[discussing the entry-level model]
Jeremy: Do you want that one, though? Really? Honestly? A basic model? Because I bet that's also shi-

[Discussing the new Infiniti G convertible and its similarities to the Lexus SC 430]
Richard: [about the Lexus] I mean that is undoubtedly the most vile and hideous cars ever made. Why make it look like that?
James: It is vile, but it's completely academic because you never see one of those in the real world.
Jeremy: Oh you do! You do! Go to Cheshire, they're everywhere. And they're always being driven by those women that have got faces actually made from leather.
Richard: But whenever I see them -- those women driving those cars -- I really do want to stop them and just ask, I want to beg why? Tell me why did you buy that because it's an expensive car.
Jeremy: It's like getting every travel brochure, choosing your summer holidays next summer--a hundred and eighty countries you could go to and saying Yes, Germany. Not Mauritius--not Mauritius, Dortmund is where I want to go.

[Discussing the Vauxhall Insignia's hard seats]
Richard: Actually, you can't criticise those, because a German panel of seat experts...
Jeremy: [interrupts] A what?
Richard: There's a German panel of seat experts.
Jeremy: And I've invited them all to your house for Christmas.
Richard: Oh God! Where would you put them, have a sea... no stand up.