Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9 Season 10 Season 11
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Season 18
Jeremy: [Holds up an item] would anyone like to hazard a guess at what this is?
[Person in audience responds]
Jeremy: What?
[Person in audience repeats]
Jeremy: How can you know what this is? Have you got one?
[Person in audience responds]
Jeremy: [stutters] This lady knows the answer! This is... a she-wee.
[Person in audience responds]
Jeremy: What?
[Person in audience repeats]
Jeremy: How can you know what this is? Have you got one?
[Person in audience responds]
Jeremy: [stutters] This lady knows the answer! This is... a she-wee.
Richard: How could you not like the GT2, you great fat balding useless hopeless bandy-legged bubble-haired pointless talentless gutless cowardly witless lump of suede-shoe-wearing daft-jean-wearing idiocy?
Jeremy: [pause] I knew you were gonna say that...
Richard: What, all of it?
Jeremy: [pause] I knew you were gonna say that...
Richard: What, all of it?
Richard: Now, tonight, we're trying to get three fast cars from San Francisco to the Speed Week Drag Races at the Bonneville Salt Flats. Usual range of problems: we've got visas which allow us to be factual, not entertaining; Jeremy has met a policeman; and James hates his car. We rejoin the action at Reno, which is, factually speaking, a toilet.
Vietnamese Driving Examiner: [several times, no matter what Jeremy does] Jeremy Clarkson: Fail!
[A plywood splitter they fitted to the Avantime is on fire]
Jeremy: Hey, wait a minute. This is something I've wanted to do--I've worked in television for twenty years now, never had the chance yet--
James: Back to the studio.
Jeremy: Hey that's my line! That's what I wanted to say! May! May, you [bleep]-head! [chases after James]
[Richard uses a fire extinguisher on the burning splitter]
Richard: Yup. What I thought I'd do is put the fire out, and then say...
Jeremy: [behind Richard] Back to the studio!
Jeremy: Hey, wait a minute. This is something I've wanted to do--I've worked in television for twenty years now, never had the chance yet--
James: Back to the studio.
Jeremy: Hey that's my line! That's what I wanted to say! May! May, you [bleep]-head! [chases after James]
[Richard uses a fire extinguisher on the burning splitter]
Richard: Yup. What I thought I'd do is put the fire out, and then say...
Jeremy: [behind Richard] Back to the studio!
[About The Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that one of his eyes is a teste. And that he was turned down for I'm a celebrity because people have heard of him. All we know is he's called The Stig!
Jeremy: Some say that one of his eyes is a teste. And that he was turned down for I'm a celebrity because people have heard of him. All we know is he's called The Stig!
[about The Stig]
Richard: Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady. And that I haven't done one of these for some time and I've forgotten to make up a second thing. All we know is he's called The Stig!
Richard: Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady. And that I haven't done one of these for some time and I've forgotten to make up a second thing. All we know is he's called The Stig!
[About to drag race the Tesla Roadster against a Lotus Elise]
Jeremy: Right, it's on. I... think. There's no noise at all, but anyway. Put it into drive -- [it] has a one-speed gearbox. They tried it with a two speed but that kept breaking. So one it is. We're in drive and I'm ready.
[The Roadster pulls away from the Elise]
Jeremy: God almighty! Wave goodbye to dial-up and say hello to the world of broadband motoring! Twelve and a half thousand RPM, I could not believe this! That's biblically quick! This car is electric! Literally!
Jeremy: Right, it's on. I... think. There's no noise at all, but anyway. Put it into drive -- [it] has a one-speed gearbox. They tried it with a two speed but that kept breaking. So one it is. We're in drive and I'm ready.
[The Roadster pulls away from the Elise]
Jeremy: God almighty! Wave goodbye to dial-up and say hello to the world of broadband motoring! Twelve and a half thousand RPM, I could not believe this! That's biblically quick! This car is electric! Literally!
[After a few spin offs]
James: [voiceover] With a little practise, I got the hang of it.
[Cut to The Stig wearing James' jumper driving the Zonda]
James: [voiceover] With a little practise, I got the hang of it.
[Cut to The Stig wearing James' jumper driving the Zonda]
[After being asked a question in Vietnamese]
Richard: [In English, completely guessing what she asked] Always give way to the car from the right!
[Whole class bursts out laughing]
Jeremy: You had a one in a hundred chance of being right, but it was in the wrong language.
Richard: [In English, completely guessing what she asked] Always give way to the car from the right!
[Whole class bursts out laughing]
Jeremy: You had a one in a hundred chance of being right, but it was in the wrong language.
[After bring told that they couldn't get any more spare parts for their bikes and found out that the "backup transport", if they couldn't keep their bikes going with tools is a Honda Chaly mini-bike with a "Stars and Stripes" paint job]
Jeremy: Oh god!
Richard: Oh yes, that is a bit...
James: Oh, God, I don't think so!
Richard: It's slightly conspicuous
[some music starts playing loudly, it's "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen, it's the "Star Spangled Banner" in the DVD edition]
Jeremy: That's "Born in the USA", evidently.
[some thunder rumbles and some Vietnamese start running towards them in the distance]
Richard: That's thunder...and the village...have you noticed there was a rumble of thunder, and the village arrived..? I-...
[He struggles to find the right words]
Jeremy: Children, if you're watching this at home and you don't know why this is inappropriate, ask your parents, but this is as inappropriate a bike as it is humanly possible to conceive.
Jeremy: Oh god!
Richard: Oh yes, that is a bit...
James: Oh, God, I don't think so!
Richard: It's slightly conspicuous
[some music starts playing loudly, it's "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen, it's the "Star Spangled Banner" in the DVD edition]
Jeremy: That's "Born in the USA", evidently.
[some thunder rumbles and some Vietnamese start running towards them in the distance]
Richard: That's thunder...and the village...have you noticed there was a rumble of thunder, and the village arrived..? I-...
[He struggles to find the right words]
Jeremy: Children, if you're watching this at home and you don't know why this is inappropriate, ask your parents, but this is as inappropriate a bike as it is humanly possible to conceive.
[After injuring himself falling off of the seat of his lorry during the Powerslide challenge]
Jeremy: [to the paramedic] Yeah, the gear lever's gone up my arse.
Paramedic: Right, okay.
James: [voiceover] After the gear lever had been removed from Jeremy's bottom...
Jeremy: [to the paramedic] Yeah, the gear lever's gone up my arse.
Paramedic: Right, okay.
James: [voiceover] After the gear lever had been removed from Jeremy's bottom...
[after Jeremy asks a nurse in the audience if she can kill James]
Richard: All she needs is a syringe and some water to kill someone? Is she a nurse or a ninja?
Richard: All she needs is a syringe and some water to kill someone? Is she a nurse or a ninja?
[After Jeremy has shown him clips of his practise in the Zonda]
James: I know what the problem is: it's my hair. [Jeremy scoffs] No, really. When you get up to speed my hair flaps about and gets in the way. When I put that white helmet on, it was much better!
James: I know what the problem is: it's my hair. [Jeremy scoffs] No, really. When you get up to speed my hair flaps about and gets in the way. When I put that white helmet on, it was much better!
[After Jeremy pulls up to May and Hammond with his lorry trailer on fire]
Richard: How can we be this rubbish?
Richard: How can we be this rubbish?