Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9 Season 10
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Jeremy: [Regarding Hammond and May in Japan] Those two have got so many different connections to make, so many different modes of transport to go on. The chances of them making it without making a single mistake are nil, and if they do make a mistake, that's it.
[Cut to James and Richard]
James: See these manhole covers?
Richard: NO!
James: They're fantastic.
[Cut back to Jeremy]
Jeremy: A boy from Birmingham, and a man with no sense of direction, in Japan, won't win. The end.
[Cut to James and Richard]
James: See these manhole covers?
Richard: NO!
James: They're fantastic.
[Cut back to Jeremy]
Jeremy: A boy from Birmingham, and a man with no sense of direction, in Japan, won't win. The end.
Jeremy: [to the petrol pump attendant] Look at this.
[Jeremy puts on his Bill Oddie face-mask]
Jeremy: Brrrrr! How frightening's that? He can spot your beaver from about a mile away.
[Jeremy puts on his Bill Oddie face-mask]
Jeremy: Brrrrr! How frightening's that? He can spot your beaver from about a mile away.
Jeremy: [voiceover] So the car that was dead had to be towed by the car that was dying.
Jeremy: Oh listen to that now.
Richard: That's a weird noise for a car to make... that's better, what have you done?
Jeremy: Gone into second.
Richard: Second's nice, it's underrated as a gear.
Jeremy: Oh listen to that now.
Richard: That's a weird noise for a car to make... that's better, what have you done?
Jeremy: Gone into second.
Richard: Second's nice, it's underrated as a gear.
Jeremy: I'm gonna try something the Americans call pitting. If I put my car along his rear wheel and push his back end out, he counter-steers, I then brake... and of course, it shoots the other way.
[The Stig pulls smoothly away from Jeremy]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Unfortunately, none of what I just said happened.
[The Stig pulls smoothly away from Jeremy]
Jeremy: [voiceover] Unfortunately, none of what I just said happened.
Jeremy: In the olden days, it was very close between the Evo and the Impreza, it was like Chelsea and Manchester United, but uh... but now, with these new models, it's like Chelsea and... [laughs]] I don't know enough about football. Um... what team plays in red? That isn't as good as Chelsea?
Cameraman: [offscreen] Nottingham Forest.
Jeremy: Nottingham... Nottingham Forest. [attempts to strike knowing pose]
Cameraman: [offscreen] Nottingham Forest.
Jeremy: Nottingham... Nottingham Forest. [attempts to strike knowing pose]
Jeremy: It's a two lap race of the Zolder circuit and it's between a Porsche 911 - the racing Porsche 911 - which will be driven by professional racing driver Tim Schrick. And he will be against an Aston Martin DBRS9, which will be driven by James May.
Richard: [quietly] Do we have to use James?
Jeremy: Well, no, you did the Bowler thing, I did the Mini thing, it's his turn.
Richard: But he's gonna lose... badly.
Richard: [quietly] Do we have to use James?
Jeremy: Well, no, you did the Bowler thing, I did the Mini thing, it's his turn.
Richard: But he's gonna lose... badly.
Jeremy: No, seriously, if you go to Korea, don't order a cauliflower cheese, because it won't be what you think.
Jeremy: Ooh, Stig seems to have got into Elton John - [realizing what he said] - not literally of course!
Jeremy: See, the thing is about all Japanese cars --
[satnav speaks a stream of Japanese]
Jeremy: [panicked] HELP!
[satnav speaks a stream of Japanese]
Jeremy: [panicked] HELP!
Jeremy: Speed camera coming up! [puts the Bill Oddie face-mask on and races past the camera, on the pretence that Oddie will get the speeding ticket and not him]
Jeremy: The Pet Cop Boys are here. No, wait. [reads Richard's car-door graphic] The Police.
Richard: Yeah, well, the police are coming... [indicates door] "The Police".
Jeremy: De do do do, de da da da.
Richard: Yeah, well, the police are coming... [indicates door] "The Police".
Jeremy: De do do do, de da da da.
Jeremy: Tonight, and for one night only, we've accidentally made a show all about cars.
Jeremy: Yes! I am in, I'm parked. [he goes to open his door, but due to the width of his car, he's very close to the car next to him and can't] Ah. [he tries the other door, but can't open that either because it's too close to the wall] Oh, no! I can't-- I can't get out! [voiceover] And James couldn't get in.
James: [he's having trouble getting into another space] Doesn't fit.
Jeremy: [voiceover] Which was making everyone very cross. [other cars start honking their horns] Shut up! OK, fine! You want to have a horn race? READY, STEADY--! [he blasts his horn, which is very loud. The camera goes out to a wide aerial shot of London to emphasise the sound of the horn] Now that's a horn!
James: [voiceover] And it got us thrown out.
James: [he's having trouble getting into another space] Doesn't fit.
Jeremy: [voiceover] Which was making everyone very cross. [other cars start honking their horns] Shut up! OK, fine! You want to have a horn race? READY, STEADY--! [he blasts his horn, which is very loud. The camera goes out to a wide aerial shot of London to emphasise the sound of the horn] Now that's a horn!
James: [voiceover] And it got us thrown out.