Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9
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[speculating on the survey responses that led a Toyota marketing survey to imply that 28% of Europeans want their cars to make them feel ill]
Richard: That doesn't seem - "Oh, I love my Mondeo because every time I start the engine it gives me scurvy, and that's a good thing in my life!"
James: "I chose Porsche because it brings on rectal prolapse."
Richard: That doesn't seem - "Oh, I love my Mondeo because every time I start the engine it gives me scurvy, and that's a good thing in my life!"
James: "I chose Porsche because it brings on rectal prolapse."
[starting the news]
James: And now the news. And I'm afraid it's very bad; Jeremy Clarkson has a cold.
Jeremy:[as he sits down] I have NOT got a cold, I've got bird flu.
[Audience laughs]
Jeremy: I have. I am now living breathing proof, soon to not be living or breathing, that it can jump species.
Richard: Wow... but hey, this means it's just one step away from humans.
James: And now the news. And I'm afraid it's very bad; Jeremy Clarkson has a cold.
Jeremy:[as he sits down] I have NOT got a cold, I've got bird flu.
[Audience laughs]
Jeremy: I have. I am now living breathing proof, soon to not be living or breathing, that it can jump species.
Richard: Wow... but hey, this means it's just one step away from humans.
[still on petrol going up to a pound a litre...]
Jeremy: I filled my car up with petrol a couple of months ago, do you know how much that cost?
Richard: Well no...
James: 90 pounds.
Richard: ... big car, 85 pounds.
Jeremy: No! 35,000 pounds.
James: You filled it up with bull sperm you idiot!
Jeremy: I filled my car up with petrol a couple of months ago, do you know how much that cost?
Richard: Well no...
James: 90 pounds.
Richard: ... big car, 85 pounds.
Jeremy: No! 35,000 pounds.
James: You filled it up with bull sperm you idiot!
[Talk about Lamborghini Reventón.]
Richard: Anyway, it has a 6.5L V12.
Jeremy: B12.
Richard: Yep, whatever. It can do two hun...
Jeremy: whateber.
Richard: Please stop that, it's very annoying. It can do 220 miles per..
Jeremy: bery annoying.
Richard: Leave it!!
Richard: Anyway, it has a 6.5L V12.
Jeremy: B12.
Richard: Yep, whatever. It can do two hun...
Jeremy: whateber.
Richard: Please stop that, it's very annoying. It can do 220 miles per..
Jeremy: bery annoying.
Richard: Leave it!!
[when his ignition key wouldn't turn]
Jeremy: Which slovenly Midlander built this?
Jeremy: Which slovenly Midlander built this?
[When James May was in the car for the first time]
Jeremy: The Christian motorist is in the hot seat.
Jeremy: [voiceover] A few minutes later, something amazing happened.
James: I've overtaken someone!
Jeremy: The Christian motorist is in the hot seat.
Jeremy: [voiceover] A few minutes later, something amazing happened.
James: I've overtaken someone!
[When Jeremy attempts to talk with The Stig after the car broke down]
Jeremy: Did it fill with smoke? Did it lose power?
Jeremy: Did it fill with smoke? Did it lose power?
[While his co-presenters modify their cars for the Okavango Delta, Richard sits inside Oliver, bored.]
Richard: I suppose I'd better practice my lion drill. "Oh, no. There's a lion coming. Ahh! [closes his door] What shall I do?" That! [points to the door, knocking on it] Oliver will protect me. [nods]
Richard: I suppose I'd better practice my lion drill. "Oh, no. There's a lion coming. Ahh! [closes his door] What shall I do?" That! [points to the door, knocking on it] Oliver will protect me. [nods]
[while The Stig is at the wheel]
Jeremy: ...and even though the missing splitter was ruining the handling, nothing was gonna stop him - nothing!
Richard: Right now, at this very moment, the computers tell us The Stig is having a wee in the car - and I'm next... [grins nervously]
Jeremy: ...and even though the missing splitter was ruining the handling, nothing was gonna stop him - nothing!
Richard: Right now, at this very moment, the computers tell us The Stig is having a wee in the car - and I'm next... [grins nervously]
[While trying to take down his mast]
James: What is it actually caught on?
Both: The security camera.
James: What is it actually caught on?
Both: The security camera.
[Whilst driving through London in the Peel P50]
Jeremy: There's something I just realised. I have to pay congestion charge in this part of London. But the camera crew in the Lexus 4x4 don't because it's a hybrid. How fair is that?! I mean, it's not like I'm creating any pollution at all! [accelerates, leaving a trail of smoke behind him]
Jeremy: There's something I just realised. I have to pay congestion charge in this part of London. But the camera crew in the Lexus 4x4 don't because it's a hybrid. How fair is that?! I mean, it's not like I'm creating any pollution at all! [accelerates, leaving a trail of smoke behind him]