[Introducing guest Vinnie Jones.]
Jeremy: He would drive a large Mercedes to a fight and occasionally during that fight a game of football might break out.

[Introducing Jeremy's road test of the Ford Fiesta]
Richard: Now - every week on Top Gear we get a stack of letters. But this week one in particular caught our eye. It's from a Mister Needham and it says "Why do you not test cars properly any more? Have you forgotten how?".
James: Now this really hurt us, so we decided to take the new Ford Fiesta and do a proper road test. Like they used to on Top Gear in the old days.
Richard: Yeah, to be honest we were quite looking forward to it. But then at the very last minute, Jeremy came in and said he wanted to do it.

[Introducing Nigel Mansell]
Jeremy: He was the Formula 1 world champion and the American Indy car champion at the same time, and he was also Britain's highest paid sportsman, and he achieved all this despite being born with a moustache.

[Introducing the main segment]
James: What we have down here is a selection of American muscle cars. Now the recipe for this for this sort of thing was always very simple: massive engine; crude, simple suspension; very low price; and finally, [gesturing to a Dodge Challenger] some orange paint. Now, this sort of thing never really caught on in the civilised world and we thought that what with petrol prices being so high now, they'd have died out in America as well.
Richard: However, in the last few months three brand-new American muscle cars have arrived. So we thought we best pop over to the states and find out if they're any good.
Jeremy: Unfortunately, there was a problem. You see, we all have visas which allow us to go to America and make a factual documentary. But, since our last trip over there when I might have accidentally put a cow on the roof of my car, the American -- the U.S. state department no less -- has decided Top Gear is actually now an entertainment show.
James: And unfortunately that requires a different type of visa and we didn't have time to go and get one. So, in the end we were only allowed in to the country if we promised -- this isn't a lie is it?
Jeremy: No, this is absolutely, hand on heart...
Richard: This is for real.
James: -- if we promised not to be entertaining.

[Introducing the special from the studio]
Jeremy: Hello and and welcome to a sea of disappointed faces. Because these people have driven all the way down here today only to find the show isn't actually coming from here today.
James: No, it is in fact coming from six thousand miles away, here [points on map] in Vietnam.
Richard: Yes, we were told to meet in the centre of Saigon and await further instructions.
Jeremy: So, sit back, enjoy the ride.

[Introducing the Top Gear vs D-Motor film]
Richard: Now, there's a new TV show in Germany. It's all about cars and it's hosted by three people.
Jeremy: I can't imagine where they got that idea from! No idea! Anyway, they got in touch with us and they invited us to take them on in a series of races and challenges.
James: Now, obviously, we needed somewhere to stage this.
Jeremy: Yes. I suggested we did it in the skies over southern England!
James: In fact, we settled on Belgium, which was a country invented so that Britain and Germany would have somewhere to sort out their differences!
Richard: Yup! And, on that point, the producers told us: "Now, listen. You're representing the BBC. You can't just turn up and go on about the war."
[James grins in silence]

[James gets Jeremy's attention and gestures to the motorbikes behind them]
Jeremy: No.
James: Go on.
Richard: Look around us, what do we see everywhere?
Jeremy: You know I can't do that.
James: Well what else is there? [pokes box of money] Bet you can get a bike for that!
Richard: It's our only option.
Jeremy: I bet you could get a lump of excrement for that as well, it doesn't mean I'm going to go...
Richard: It's transport, with an engine. It's the only choice we have.
James: Come on!
Jeremy: No.
James: Look, that's all we've got. [Holds up a bundle of money and puts it back in the box] Bikes.

[James has just crashed his £100 Audi]
Jeremy: Yes, he's dead, so that's ten points away there! And if you want a job on Top Gear, please write to Top Gear...
Richard: No, no wait, look! He's coming 'round!
Jeremy: He's alive!
Richard: He lives!... That's not ten points off, though. Blast.

[James has run out of fuel in the pouring rain]
James: Cock. This is a massive "Oh, cock". How can it have run out? That rain makes a really annoying noise on my colander-- helmet. And it comes through.
[later]
James: this nice man has stopped on an old Russian motorcycle and I think he's going to give me some petrol. What a nice man. In fact, I think I'll pay him. [he starts to remove of his gloves, then sighs] Me d?ng's going to be all soggy, isn't it?

[James has sent the supermarket trolleys flying with his handbrake turn, but the teenage girls are paying no attention.]
Richard: They're hot for James May right now!
[Jeremy laughs loudly.]
James: I might as well have cut my penis off for all the good that did.

[James is taking part in a folk race in Finland]
James: Have a Scandinavian flick, Finnish person!

[James is watching Where Eagles Dare during the Bowler Nemesis test]
James: [German accent] Sit down, Kommandant.
Jeremy: You're not interested in these, are you?
James: D'you know what? Your mind cannot comprehend of how uninterested I am in things like this.

[James on observing why he has more egg stains on the front of his shirt than Richard's shirt after both completing the ride comfort tests]
James: I've got more on the front - Why's that?
Richard [demonstrating the colander with his hands] Because mine was... Because I have to sit further forwards than you 'cause I'm short.
James: That's what it is.

[James' first time introducing The Stig]
James: Some say, he has a stripy top, just like mine...
Jeremy: Oh, give it a rest!
Richard: You really weren't fooling anyone.

[James's mother has just lapped the short circuit of their test track more than four seconds faster than Richard's mother]
Richard: You know how there's this global speculation about the identity of The Stig?