Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons
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Jeremy: This has to be the most stress-free and relaxing Monday-morning rush-hour commute since the dawn of civilisation.
[cut to Richard]
Richard: OH NOT ANOTHER SET OF SODDING LIGHTS! OH BLOODY HELL! (To pedestrians) Have a nice walk! Enjoy yourself!
[cut to Richard]
Richard: OH NOT ANOTHER SET OF SODDING LIGHTS! OH BLOODY HELL! (To pedestrians) Have a nice walk! Enjoy yourself!
Jeremy: This is a man with a two-tone beard who's come here to tell us about style.
Jeremy: This is from Mistress Goth, from the e-mail and she wants you to be her dungeon bitch. (Audience laughs) I'm not joking. Dungeon bitch.
Richard: (stammers and looks uncomfortable)
Jeremy: (interrupting) She says, no, no, she says that you won't have to walk around on your knees because he's so short he'd be a perfect foot rest.
Richard: Again, I'm thinking no.
Jeremy: Okay, well, just before you make your mind up we've got a photograph. We've actually went onto our website and here's the picture.
Richard: Oh my! She is a sturty girl, isn't she?
Jeremy: If she's looking for a hat stand I'm available.
Richard: (stammers and looks uncomfortable)
Jeremy: (interrupting) She says, no, no, she says that you won't have to walk around on your knees because he's so short he'd be a perfect foot rest.
Richard: Again, I'm thinking no.
Jeremy: Okay, well, just before you make your mind up we've got a photograph. We've actually went onto our website and here's the picture.
Richard: Oh my! She is a sturty girl, isn't she?
Jeremy: If she's looking for a hat stand I'm available.
Jeremy: This is Sharon, okay? She's all woman, she is the 911 Turbo. Now, standing next to her is Vicky. Now Vicky, on the surface, appears to be exactly the same, but this is a body kit. Vicky's been enhanced, and so, consequently, is the C4S. And, moving along, we find Amanda. Amanda is the Carrera 4. Enough of a handful for most people. Your choice.
Richard: You know what, I've always been a bit of a turbo man myself...
Richard: You know what, I've always been a bit of a turbo man myself...
Jeremy: This is the division bell between the ordinary and the absolutely astonishing.
Jeremy: This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying "Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases. [Drives past a sign welcoming him to "Piddington"] That says it all, really. "I drive a people carrier... I'm a bit of a Piddington"
Jeremy: This, if they ever put it into production, and if it has all this stuff on it, will have to be called the Rolls-Royce Vulgarsonic.
Jeremy: This, then, is the £117,000 Gallardo. Lamborghini's idea of being sensible.
Jeremy: Tonight! I wear some goggles. Richard falls down a small slope. And James says "Hello" to a man!
Jeremy: Tonight, and for one night only, we've accidentally made a show all about cars.
Jeremy: Tonight, Richard has a crisis. Some sheep on our track. And James and I go to the lavatory.
Jeremy: Tonight. The fastest man in the world on our track. The slowest man in the world falls asleep. And we literally set fire to Dorset with a machine gun.
Jeremy: Tonight. We save the entire world. We test a fat spaniel from Jaguar. And we annoy France's second best racing driver.
Jeremy: Tonight. We shout at the government. A man drives a Subaru through a building. And a dog goes in a car.
Jeremy: Used to live in Fulham right next to the car pound in London. so you could drive up the west end, have a few drinks, leave the car, wobble home best way you could, wake up in the morning, they've towed it home for you. It was pricy, but kind of worth it.