Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons
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Jeremy: So! Top Gear top tip: Ah, if you want a slow car that looks like a Golf... get a Golf.
Jeremy: So, with the very greatness of Britain resting on his shoulders, the Stig is away.
Jeremy: So. It looks like a dog doing a poo; it's slow, uncomfortable, expensive, and cursed with a cramped, badly trimmed interior, an awful gearbox and no back seats. The engine doesn't make a particularly sporty noise, the ride is terrible, and it isn't especially economical.
Jeremy: Some of the laws they have are fabulous! Handguns, for instance, are legal there! And you can be charged with "furious driving"! I'd love to have that on my licence!
Jeremy: Some say that you shouldn't go round to his house for your Christmas lunch unless you enjoy the great taste of seagull. And that the reason he always wears a helmet is because a man once smashed him in the face with a model of Salisbury Cathedral. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
Jeremy: Speed camera coming up! [puts the Bill Oddie face-mask on and races past the camera, on the pretence that Oddie will get the speeding ticket and not him]
Jeremy: Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill, and then run over him again, for good measure. They're designed to melt ice-caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands, and turn the entire Third World into a huge uninhabitable desert... but only after they've nicked all the oil.
Jeremy: Ten minutes later, we roared into the first corner [Jeremy, James and Richard creep slowly into view]
Jeremy: That is German music! The treacherous Stig's listening to Beethoven! Although he probably knows it simply as the tune from the IBM ad.
Jeremy: That is the delicate sound of thunder" [referring to the noise made by the V12 engine]
Jeremy: That isn't so much a throttle that my right foot's on, it's a hyperspace button. World's going backwards!
Jeremy: That's 750 miles of careful driving. That's not a race, that's my idea of hell!
James: It's my idea of heaven.
James: It's my idea of heaven.
Jeremy: That's the inside of the Mazda... that's not Bauhaus. That's my trousers.
Jeremy: The Corvette is stuck in British Home Stores! Turning circle: not good enough.