Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons
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Jeremy: [On the Ferrari F430's various drive modes] And then CST, which turns all the driver aids off. Don't know what CST stands for... Commit... Suicide... Training..?
Jeremy: [On the Mazda 6 MPS] And you don't have to worry about all the oomph making the chassis go 'blblblbl' and fall to pieces because it's got four wheel drive.
Jeremy: [On the Porsche 911 range] "And then the 3.8 S with the chrono sport pack, for thin, chiselled-jawed people who have no friends. Like the Stig, for instance!"
Jeremy: [On the Porsche 997 Carrera] So to sum up. The new Carrera is pretty much the same as old one except the gear lever comes off. This, however, is not a standard Carrera. This is a Carrera S. And the S stands for: So, fat, balding, middle-aged man, go and have your mid-life crisis somewhere else.
Jeremy: [On the Saab 9-5 Hot Aero] The handling is just hysterical. It's like driving a - fast! - bouncy castle!
Jeremy: [on the TV studio's identity] Could be Good Morning America. That is a big show. Hammond will be desperate to get there first. Because ever since he was a fetus, he's been destined to appear on American television. With his teeth and his hair and everything.
Jeremy: [On which buggy was better] Question is, which one? Cause your Drakart��great fun, lots of sideways action-
Richard: Hooligan-style!
Jeremy: -but quite unsophisticated; it was like going sideways in scaffolding.
Richard: Hooligan-style!
Jeremy: -but quite unsophisticated; it was like going sideways in scaffolding.
Jeremy: [Over the CB radios] Brokeback, Brokeback. This is Murderer.
Richard: This is Brokeback to Murderer and the Captain.
Jeremy: [Shot of Jeremy, looking confused as the sound that spews out of the CB radio is entirely indecipherable] I wonder why these CB radios never caught on...
James: Breaker breaker One-Nine Contact Eyeball Ten Ten 'till we do it again Captain Slow.
Richard: He's there! [Points out the window to James' car] He's there and I can't understand him!
Richard: This is Brokeback to Murderer and the Captain.
Jeremy: [Shot of Jeremy, looking confused as the sound that spews out of the CB radio is entirely indecipherable] I wonder why these CB radios never caught on...
James: Breaker breaker One-Nine Contact Eyeball Ten Ten 'till we do it again Captain Slow.
Richard: He's there! [Points out the window to James' car] He's there and I can't understand him!
Jeremy: [peeking in the caravan after they park up] Ohh... [seeing shattered dishes on the floor] Oh no.
Richard: Ooh!
James: Oh, dear.
Richard: [laughing] Oh, my word. Wha...
[the caravan tips back as they all enter]
All: Woah!
Jeremy: Oh my God!
James: You've got to put the legs down first.
Richard: We're not brilliant at this are we?
Richard: Ooh!
James: Oh, dear.
Richard: [laughing] Oh, my word. Wha...
[the caravan tips back as they all enter]
All: Woah!
Jeremy: Oh my God!
James: You've got to put the legs down first.
Richard: We're not brilliant at this are we?
Jeremy: [producing an MP5A4 from the boot of his Volvo XC90] Not only is he using the wrong car, he's using the wrong gun. A .22 is alright when you're nine, but when you're in a hurry you need one of these: a Heckler and Koch MP5 machine pistol. That's on fully automatic... EAT LEAD Olympic target! [he fires an entire magazine in fully automatic mode and misses all five targets]
Jeremy: [Reading challenge card] It says that this is a test of speed, braking and toughness all in one. You must accelerate to 56 miles an hour, drive through an obstacle and stop as quickly as possible. It says whoever does that in the shortest distance wins a year's supply of pies.
Richard: What do they mean by "obstacles"?
Jeremy: Doesn't say.
[pause]
James: What sort of pies?
Richard: What do they mean by "obstacles"?
Jeremy: Doesn't say.
[pause]
James: What sort of pies?
Jeremy: [reading challenge] "The people of Surrey think they need four-wheel drive cars because they live up a lane which sometimes has leaves on it. You will now attempt to prove them wrong by driving your two-wheel drive cars from here, at Botswana's Eastern border with Zimbabwe..." [points at armed border guards] which is there... "1000 miles to its Western border with Namibia. That's right across the spine of Africa."
[Awkward silence]
James: I'm confident.
[Awkward silence]
James: I'm confident.
Jeremy: [reading from the card] At this racetrack you can do so much more than race your car. You can also, for instance, learn... Learn how to do a drive-by shooting.
Jeremy: [Reading the second challenge card] You must now demonstrate your lorry-driving skills by powersliding your trucks around... well, presumably it's that skid pan.
James: What's the point? You can't powerslide lorries anyway.
Richard: Technically, you can't powerslide anything.
Jeremy: [Continuing to read from the card] To prove that it's possible, you will now watch a demonstration by our tame racing driver.
James: What's the point? You can't powerslide lorries anyway.
Richard: Technically, you can't powerslide anything.
Jeremy: [Continuing to read from the card] To prove that it's possible, you will now watch a demonstration by our tame racing driver.