James: The Italians, you see, would concentrate on making a really, really fast car, but then they'd start to worry about all the practical stuff, like, where's the driver going to sit, and can he see out, and how are you going to join up all those wires that make the lights work? The British way, however, is to start with a normal car and then make it very fast. Think of the Jaguar XJR. It's one of the world's most comfortable saloon cars, and it just happens to go like a stabbed rat.

James: The problem with the Morgan is, it's just a car they forgot to stop making in the forties.

James: The reason the Porsche, I think, is the best car is, you know when you drive some cars, you get a, a sense that the car is smiling, when you're driving?
Richard: What on Earth are you talking about?

James: There's normally something really tragic about the bottom of the range. You know, the 1.6 version. A little boot badge that says you're on the bottom rung. And you sit there in a world of velour looking at a little - a little slot on the dashboard where you know there would be a switch if this was a posh version, but instead you've got a little bit of plastic that just blanks it off. And you can't help driving along and thinking, "If I'd just paid a bit more attention at school and if I'd just worked a bit harder, I'd have air conditioning."

James: This wasn't just a car, it was a pin-up. And you might like to know that countach is a bit of Italian slang. It translates roughly as phwoar!

James: You're such a pair of wittering nancy boys.

Jeremy: (To Stephen Fry) Have you, um, have you been to the Isle of Man?
Stephen: Yes, you go to the airport, you say "I love Man!" and they say, "Not here you don't!"

Jeremy: [On the Saab 9-5 Hot Aero] The handling is just hysterical. It's like driving a - fast! - bouncy castle!

Jeremy: [trying to get onto the buyer list for a Ford GT] Fords are magnificent in every way.

Jeremy: [voiceover] As an engineering exercise, the Cayenne is astonishing. Only the Germans could've pulled it off. But all their efforts with the power and the speed and the toughness and the agility - they were all a complete and utter waste of time. Because look at it.
[pulls over, gets out]
Jeremy: I think what they tried to do is make the front look like a 911. Which it doesn't. And then from here back it looks like they just haven't bothered! Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It is a monkfish among cars. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis, and frankly I would rather walk back to the studio than drive another yard in it. So I shall. [looks around, points] That way. [walks out of frame]

Jeremy: All dentists have Saabs, OK? All. And graphic designers all have them, and all architects have them, and all Stephen Frys have them.

Jeremy: Anyone who sits in the back of a four-seater convertible looks like Hitler.

Jeremy: But it's strange, because most of the people I know who speak Latin find cars really rather trivial and infantile.

Jeremy: Damn! I think I've won.

Jeremy: I have some bad news. The Stig is dead.