[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight. Richard tries to start a motorbike. James fill his car with petrol. And I get a British Rail sun tan.

[During the opening sequence]
Jeremy: Tonight. We throw a chair over a hedge. A Quite Interesting man drives our reasonably priced car. And for the first time ever the Bugatti Veyron races a McLaren F1.

[During the Val Thorens race, Jeremy's windscreen has been coated with snow...]
Jeremy: [panicking] I CAN'T SEE A BLOODY THING!! [accidentally pulls off glove while steering] AAGH, pulled my own glove off!

[During the Val Thorens race...]
Jeremy: [Voiceover] Olivier Panis found the Morris particularly annoying.
[Cuts to Panis]
Panis: What is this shitbox?! What is this car? A Morris?

[James has sent the supermarket trolleys flying with his handbrake turn, but the teenage girls are paying no attention.]
Richard: They're hot for James May right now!
[Jeremy laughs loudly.]
James: I might as well have cut my penis off for all the good that did.

[Jeremy comments on Usain Bolt's 2008 Olympic 100m dash]
Jeremy: You set a world record with your shoelace undone.

[Jeremy has just left Berwick aboard Tornado, but has found out that James is in the lead.]
Jeremy: How far north of Berwick are you?
James: Less than ten miles.
Jeremy: How far?
James: Less than ten miles.
Jeremy: Seventeen?
James: No, less than ten!
Jeremy: Thirty?
James: [losing patience] LESS THAN TEN! [laughs] What a cock-end! Honestly!

[Jeremy has just remembered about the Ferrari FXX lap, and has bad news.]
Jeremy: Last week, a man came here, claiming to be the Stig. Maybe he is, we don't know. Okay? Maybe he is, but what we do know is he set a time of one minute, ten seconds in a Ferrari FXX round our track, top of our leaderboard. We subsequently discovered he was doing that on slick tyres. Now we have rules on this powerboard here, okay--you can't use slicks, so this time is coming off.
[Crowd boos as the time comes off.]
Jeremy: [indignantly] Oh, boo?!! [Crowd laughs] This is a dictatorship! You want to live in a democracy, go to Iran!

[Jeremy is about to discuss a car smaller than the Peel P50.]
Jeremy: Now, we have some bad news.
James: [dryly] Dacia Sandero.
Jeremy: [firmly] No, not the Dacia Sandero.

[Jeremy is slipping badly on the slope while trying to escape the clutches of the Glastonbury car park.]
Jeremy: [as if in a crisis] OH, P-L-E-A-S-E!! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!!

[Jeremy reads out Usain Bolt's quote on the day of the 2008 Olympic 100m dash]
Jeremy: It said, "I didn't have breakfast, woke up at 11:00, sat around watching TV, then had some chicken nuggets..." [Laughter] Oh, no, it gets better! "Slept for two hours, then went back and got some more nuggets." [Laughter]

[Jeremy, covered in soot, has just walked into the bar and collapsed after running there from the steam engine]
James: [holding a glass of beer up to Jeremy's mouth] Jeremy! Speak to me!

[Jeremy, James and Richard are talking about the new Lamborghini Gallardo Balboni]
James: I like that stripe so much I'd be prepared to buy the whole car just to get it.
Jeremy: Just for the stripe. Can I just offer one word of warning to anyone who's thinking of buying a Gallardo? James, for you, okay? Have you seen this?
[A picture of a Gallardo on fire appears on the screen]
Richard: That's...that's a burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: Yeah; have you seen this?
[Another picture of a Gallardo on fire appears...]
Richard: That's a burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: Yeah, I know; have you seen this?
[...and another...]
Richard: That's a burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: I know, but have you seen this?
[...and another...]
Richard: That's a burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: What about this?
[...and another...]
Richard: Er, burning Gallardo.
Jeremy: What about this?
[...and one of a Gallardo that's almost totally destroyed by the fire]
Richard: [laughing] That'd be a burning Gallardo! That's ridiculous!
James: So I go into the dealer and I say "I'd like a Lamborghini, can I have one that's not on fire?"
Jeremy: Thing is, though, I have to say, this is what makes driving a Lamborghini so exciting; you drive in a normal car, and it's not on fire.

[Jeremy, James and Richard are testing the smoothness and quietness of their cars. Things are uncannily silent, until.......]
Jeremy: [over radio] This may only have a three-cylinder diesel engine, but it's so quiet in here I can hear my hair growing!

[Jeremy, James and Richard are testing the speed of their cars with a drag race. Jeremy's Å koda Roomster pulls alongside James' Toyota iQ.]
Jeremy: Got James!
[James' Toyota accelerates ahead of Jeremy.]
Jeremy: [with the same tone as before] Lost James!