Top Gear quotes
1565 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9
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[Ending their feature of the Reventón]
Jeremy: Couple of problems: One, they're only making twenty and only one's coming to Britain; the other thing is, eight hundred thousand pounds!
Richard: Yep, that is quite a lot...
Jeremy: Hmmn... But with this, you would get a lot of badge.
Richard: Badge? (ponders, then realizes...)... Oh! V-NO! No no no.
Jeremy: Think I got away with that. So!
Jeremy: Couple of problems: One, they're only making twenty and only one's coming to Britain; the other thing is, eight hundred thousand pounds!
Richard: Yep, that is quite a lot...
Jeremy: Hmmn... But with this, you would get a lot of badge.
Richard: Badge? (ponders, then realizes...)... Oh! V-NO! No no no.
Jeremy: Think I got away with that. So!
[for the final test, the cars would be filled with water for the presenters to drive around the Top Gear track to test build quality].
Richard: [to the fire brigade on filling up his car with water] You could have used warm water, it's freezing! [Moments later] There's 30-odd years' worth of fag ends and fluff coming up on top!
Richard: [to the fire brigade on filling up his car with water] You could have used warm water, it's freezing! [Moments later] There's 30-odd years' worth of fag ends and fluff coming up on top!
[From the unedited news]
James: I've seen you (Jeremy) multi-task whilst driving.
Richard: No, you can't talk about that on telly, mate.
Jeremy: That isn't in the highway code: Wank!
Richard: [Laughs] Does it say anything about wanking in your Lambo?
Jeremy: Sometimes, on long journeys, there's nothing else to do!
James: I've seen you (Jeremy) multi-task whilst driving.
Richard: No, you can't talk about that on telly, mate.
Jeremy: That isn't in the highway code: Wank!
Richard: [Laughs] Does it say anything about wanking in your Lambo?
Jeremy: Sometimes, on long journeys, there's nothing else to do!
[From the unedited news]
Richard: Although it gives me an idea, 'cause we've got our track here; why don't we have track days, but instead of getting caught up on how fast you go round and all that, we just let people smoke while they're driving.
Jeremy: Or put their make-up on.
Richard: Or use their mobile phone. All the stuff you want to do.
Jeremy: Or eat a pie.
Richard: Yeah! Round our track.
James: Yeah! Yeah! And speed!
Jeremy: And have a wank. [Whilst making masturbation gestures] I'm going round the Hammerhead now!
Richard: Ahh, none of that's going on the telly!
Richard: Although it gives me an idea, 'cause we've got our track here; why don't we have track days, but instead of getting caught up on how fast you go round and all that, we just let people smoke while they're driving.
Jeremy: Or put their make-up on.
Richard: Or use their mobile phone. All the stuff you want to do.
Jeremy: Or eat a pie.
Richard: Yeah! Round our track.
James: Yeah! Yeah! And speed!
Jeremy: And have a wank. [Whilst making masturbation gestures] I'm going round the Hammerhead now!
Richard: Ahh, none of that's going on the telly!
[In an attempt to prove British Leyland made some good cars, James has to drive over a cobbled road with a colander full of eggs over his head]
Jeremy: He looks like a spaniel that's crashed into the back of a hen!
Jeremy: He looks like a spaniel that's crashed into the back of a hen!
[James on observing why he has more egg stains on the front of his shirt than Richard's shirt after both completing the ride comfort tests]
James: I've got more on the front - Why's that?
Richard [demonstrating the colander with his hands] Because mine was... Because I have to sit further forwards than you 'cause I'm short.
James: That's what it is.
James: I've got more on the front - Why's that?
Richard [demonstrating the colander with his hands] Because mine was... Because I have to sit further forwards than you 'cause I'm short.
James: That's what it is.
[Jeremy on the VW Golf GTi W12]
Jeremy: My biggest problem with it is that I can't see the point of saying "I've got a supercar and the great thing is it looks like a Golf." That's like saying "I'm married to a supermodel and the great thing is she looks like a traffic warden."
Jeremy: My biggest problem with it is that I can't see the point of saying "I've got a supercar and the great thing is it looks like a Golf." That's like saying "I'm married to a supermodel and the great thing is she looks like a traffic warden."
[Nominees for the 'Lifetime Achievement Award']
James: Ken Livingstone for deciding that if you earn a living and pay tax and spend some of what's left on a car; and then pay Value Added Tax on that, and then buy some Road Fund Licence Tax to put the car on the road, and then pay Fuel Duty Tax on the fuel and Value added tax on that Fuel Duty tax, You should then pay 25 pounds - TAX! - to drive into the centre of the capital.
James: Ken Livingstone for deciding that if you earn a living and pay tax and spend some of what's left on a car; and then pay Value Added Tax on that, and then buy some Road Fund Licence Tax to put the car on the road, and then pay Fuel Duty Tax on the fuel and Value added tax on that Fuel Duty tax, You should then pay 25 pounds - TAX! - to drive into the centre of the capital.
[on African Stig]
Jeremy: Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's African cousin.
Jeremy: Some say he's seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo... all we know is, he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's African cousin.
[On David Tennant's inability to find third gear on his lap]
Jeremy: Do you know where third gear was after that? It was all over the track.
Jeremy: Do you know where third gear was after that? It was all over the track.
[on petrol going up to a pound a litre.]
Jeremy: And it's a good job your car doesn't run on bull semen.
Richard: Well it is, yes. But why?
Jeremy: Because you know how much bull semen is?
James: Do you know? I can't remember off the top of my head.
Jeremy: 24,000 pounds a litre.
Richard: No way!
Jeremy: And it's a good job your car doesn't run on bull semen.
Richard: Well it is, yes. But why?
Jeremy: Because you know how much bull semen is?
James: Do you know? I can't remember off the top of my head.
Jeremy: 24,000 pounds a litre.
Richard: No way!
[On the 2007 Malaysian Grand Prix]
Jeremy: ...and you put one in on Massa, didn't you?
Hamilton: Yeah, Massa and Kimi.
Jeremy: Was Kimi drunk?
Hamilton: I dunno - I should have asked him, actually, because he was really on the left - this was Malaysia and he was really on the left, so I could outbrake him.
Jeremy: [singing in slurred Finnish accent] "I win this race and then I go down pu-ub... Who pass me? Oh, that's that new boy gone past..."
Jeremy: ...and you put one in on Massa, didn't you?
Hamilton: Yeah, Massa and Kimi.
Jeremy: Was Kimi drunk?
Hamilton: I dunno - I should have asked him, actually, because he was really on the left - this was Malaysia and he was really on the left, so I could outbrake him.
Jeremy: [singing in slurred Finnish accent] "I win this race and then I go down pu-ub... Who pass me? Oh, that's that new boy gone past..."
[on the Alfa-Romeo 159.]
James: Now, Alfa-Romeo has launched a replacement for its 156, which is called the 159.
Richard: Oh actually James, that was launched two years ago.
James: Yes it was, but we weren't paying attention.
James: Now, Alfa-Romeo has launched a replacement for its 156, which is called the 159.
Richard: Oh actually James, that was launched two years ago.
James: Yes it was, but we weren't paying attention.
[on the Aston Martin V8 Vantage]
Jeremy: I would rather be in this, than in Keira Knightley.
Richard: I wouldn't. (Shaking his head while the crowd laughs). I wouldn't.
[...]
James: And now the news: and this just in from Keira Knightley: She says she's disappointed but she understands.
Jeremy: I would rather be in this, than in Keira Knightley.
Richard: I wouldn't. (Shaking his head while the crowd laughs). I wouldn't.
[...]
James: And now the news: and this just in from Keira Knightley: She says she's disappointed but she understands.