[after explaining why he (Jeremy) paid 35,000 pounds on petrol.]
James: I reckoned you spent it on bull sperm.
Richard: Did you not notice the pump was different?
Jeremy: [laughing, with the audience laughing as well]
Richard: [imitates a bull noise]. It keeps moving! Now it's chasing me! I don't want it any more.
[audience laughs]
Jeremy: I've got bird flu. Be nice.

[After James drives off without Jeremy and Richard]
Jeremy: He may be mechanically confident, but he has just turned right. Into...
Richard: Zimbabwe!
Jeremy: Yes, Zimbabwe, which is where, I should point out, the BBC is not allowed.
[James' car is seen driving hastily away in the other direction, prompting laughter]

[After James had gone into Hammond's cabin to make tea]
Jeremy: [To James] Oi! Prescott! I'll have a bacon sandwich!

[After James tries to compare an F430 with cheese]
Jeremy: Why are you on this programme!?

[After James' Triumph Herald sank for the final time]
Richard: James' Herald was now beyond repair, fortunately, Jeremy was on hand to comfort him.
Jeremy: YOU'VE FAILED!!
[Revs engine and splashes James with water]
James: Thank you.

[After Jeremy completes his ride comfort with eggs test, he wipes the egg from his hair using the driver's seat of Richard's car].
Jeremy: [voiceover] ... Except I was desperately needed to wash my hair.
Richard: Oh get off Jeremy! That's disgus...ting [Jeremy is now standing up.]
Jeremy: What I have just done is I've wiped my hair on a seat that's 30 years old and has had some Midlander's bottom on it!

[after revealing Simon Cowell has beaten Gordon Ramsay for first place on the Celebrity Lap Time Board.]
Jeremy: And Gordon Ramsay has just committed suicide.
Simon: Well, to be fair to Gordon Ramsay, he's fat.

[After sinking in Hammond's campervan]
James: This is the third time I've been in this bloody sea!
Richard: Technically, it wasn't my fault.

[After they reach their first campsite]
Jeremy: [reading challenge] "Stretching before you is the Makgadikgadi. These are the biggest salt flats in the world. Almost completely lifeless, and as wide as Portugal. No car has ever driven across them. If you run out of water, you will die. If your car breaks down, and you can't be rescued, you will die. If you run out of food, you will die. It's like driving on a creme brulee. There's a prime-evil ooze covered with a thin layer of salty crust. If you have thin tyres, you will break through that crust, get stuck, and you will die." So it advises to fit fat tyres and remove as much weight as possible before setting off. Well how hard can it be?
Richard: Don't say that!

[As his car sinks in the river]
Richard: Float! Float! OLIVER!!!

[As his Herald sinks]
James: MAYDAY!

[As Richard's dampervan creates plumes of white smoke]
Jeremy: It is like the West Indian dope smoking team practising in the car.
[Cue to Richard, a large smile on his face]

[At the end of the episode]
Jeremy: That's it for this programme and indeed this series. We're off now to get very drunk. Goodnight!
Series 11

[at the end of the race, back in the hangar]
Richard: Can I just say, that was the hardest thing we've ever done - being nice to each other for 24 hours.
Jeremy: Well, you know when you pulled up in the pits and you said "Good luck, mate", I nearly crashed!
Richard: Ooh, I felt dirty saying it, mate; it was wrong.
Jeremy: Still, we ended up coming third in our class...
James: ...out of five...
Jeremy: ...out of five, yes, and we finished 39th out of 46, [turning to James] partly actually because you drove so slowly!
James: Ooh, now, come on a minute...
Richard: Actually, hang on, you risked us not finishing at all by driving like an idiot in that last stint...
Jeremy: No, but wait, we would have finished 10th, mathematical certainty, if you hadn't hit that Mosler! We would have been 10th!
Richard: You said it wasn't my fault...
Jeremy: I was being nice, I didn't mean it...
James: Hey, this is more like it, isn't it? Normal service is being resumed!

[At the former site of Longbridge when Jeremy opens his car door, the interior of the door stays put. All three burst out laughing]
Jeremy: I opened the door! The door's still there! It's gone back to Longbridge!
Richard: It's on strike!