James: A car I'm really looking forward to is the new Saab 95, here it is.
Jeremy: Unless of course Saab went bust in the last two weeks.
Richard: Oh god, which is a real possibility!
Jeremy: Tell you what seriously, James, James, really. Do this two ways, we will edit it.
James: Yeah.
Richard: Cover yourself.
James: [cheerful tone] A car I'm really looking forward to is the new Saab 95. There it is [car shown on the monitor]. [solemn tone] A car I was looking forward to was the new Saab 95. [laughter] That's what it was going to look like. They say --
Jeremy: No, they said.
James: What?
Jeremy: They said.
James: Oh, yes. They say, or said, that it's based on a jet fighter, or was, but it isn't wasn't. [laughter] It's actually based on a Vauxhall. You can or could get three engines, or maybe you could get three engines. The best of which was or is a 2.8 litre V6. That will start at about ?25,000. It looks great.
Jeremy: You know what James, why haven't you got a Saab?
James: Because they've gone bust.

James: I've finally found a present for Jeremy. Oil of Tact.

James: It's just suddenly hit me, that I'm driving across Italy in a supercar, and I've got another one to look at!

James: There is a place reserved in Hell for the man who put that gearbox in that car. And it's the ratios - it's a case of many are called, but few are chosen. And many who are first shall be fourth and many who are third will actually kick-down into second.

James: [about the Honda Civic's poor sound insulation] I mean, I like an engine note as much as the next person, but I'd like it to be a fizzy V6 hand-crafted in Italy. This... [revving the engine] that's a rather dreary 4-pot from rainy Swindon.

James: [after hearing it's now illegal to retune a radio while driving] I can't listen to an episode of the Archers in the car without losing my temper, and having a crash... deliberately... to end it.

James: [after losing to the cyclists at Budapest] Oh, cock! In Hungarian.

James: [as a passenger in a life-size radio-controlled car, which Richard is attempting to park in an improvised carport garage lined with cheap porcelain trinkets] He's doing it good. Well done.
[the car advances]
James: [into radio] Brake, man! Brake! [the car smashes ornaments on shelves over the bonnet]
Richard: Sorry.
[Richard takes down the whole garage as he reverses out]
James: NO!
Richard: Sorry.

James: [before the Fiat 500 vs. BMX race in Budapest, James talks about his competition, a pair of BMX cyclists] These wasters just ride around all day like those kids in the ET film. So to borrow the phrase from the ancient philosopher Clarksonius, 4th Century BC: "How hard can it be?"

James: [comes out of the hospital with a bandage on his head and stops in his tracks] What are you two wearing?
[Richard and Jeremy stand in front of James wearing burkas and sunglasses]

James: [Commenting on Dubai whilst there] I've got shirts older than this city.

James: [Commenting on the Audi A4 convertible] No, it's just not right. A diesel cabrio is like a supermodel smoking a pipe.

James: [Having just run out of fuel in the pouring rain] Oh cock... this is a massive "oh cock"!

James: [in the museum gift shop, as a general question] Do you have like a single volume on the artistic influence of Alfa Romeo coupes?

James: [James comments on Jeremy's and Richard's car choice] You've both been idiots.
Jeremy: No!
James: Brilliantly interesting [points to the Opel] brilliantly stylish [points to the Lancia Beta] but stupid.
Richard: But...
Jeremy: Why's mine stupid?
Richard: Wha...where is yours? [James points to behind him] Whoa! Haha, a Lancia? You have been a bit thick.