[comparing the Porsche Carrera GT to the McLaren F1]
Jeremy: This car, then, ticks all the health-and-safety boxes. It's like an Airbus, very safe and very civilized, where as the old McLaren... that's like Concorde. Unfortunately, like Concorde, it was flawed. Even its biggest fans, and I'm not one of them, say that the gearbox is clunky, the steering's too heavy, the front's too vague, and the back end... is skittish.

[continuing about the Prius]
Jeremy: Actually I'm being unfair. The Prius is so slow the child could run into the road, get his ball, and hit puberty before you ever actually hit him.

[During the £1500 Porsche challenge];
Jeremy: This was a hugely advanced car when it first came out: polyurethane bumpers; first car ever to have passive rear wheel steering... I've always, always... oh my God, I've got steam.
Richard: Is Jeremy breaking down?
Jeremy: Uh, guys, I've got a lot of steam coming out of the bonnet.
James: Did he say I've got some speed, or I've got some steam?
Jeremy: [voice over] No, it was definitely steam and it was erupting after just two miles.

[During the £1500 Porsche challenge]
Jeremy: What is the next challenge?
James: You've got to spend the change from your £1500 budget...
Jeremy: Yeah..?
James: And with it, you've got to improve your car as much as possible and have it judged by an independent adjudicator who is from the Porsche owner's club.
Richard: Yeah, so you can spend all of the money from your £1500 that you didn't spend on your car... on your car.
Jeremy: How much did you spend?
Richard: I spent £750 on my car, so I've got £750 to spend on improving it.
James: I spent £900 on my car which gives me £600 to spend in improving it.
Richard: How much did you spend?
Jeremy: [mumbling] 1500
Richard: Sorry?
Jeremy: 1500
Richard: So you've got nothing to spend on improving it.

[during the bobsled run]
Richard: [shouting] I don't want to die in tights!

[during the conclusion of the Pagani Zonda Roadster review]
Jeremy: This is bad news, ladies, very bad news. Little Richard has fallen in love with a ton and a bit of kevlar and wires. Look, they've all come down here... [wanders over to a couple of ladies] look, they've all come down here with their bare mid-riffs... and "Richard" and "Hammond" written on their... like that, and it's no good, he's gone!
Richard: I love it, I think this is the big one.
Jeremy: Now, we're going to have to go do the news now before he leaves a deposit on it. Um... oh yeah. So let's do that!

[During the news]
James: [talking about average speed cameras] They are forward-facing, though, right?
Jeremy: Yeah, the cameras that take the picture as you're going towards them, yeah.
James: I approve of those.
Jeremy: Why?
James: Because I'm a motorcyclist.
Jeremy: What's that got to do with it?
James: There's no numberplate on the front of a bike.
Jeremy: It's true! It's a fair point. I never thought--why?
James: The thing is, I've been through Northampton on the bike... [gestures as though opening throttle on a motorcycle and holds up two fingers in a V]
Jeremy: Why is there no numberplate?
James: I believe they were actually made illegal in the early 70s.
Richard: 'Cause they used to be upright on the front mudguard.
James: So if you had a crash, it was like somebody just putting a meat cleaver in your head.
Jeremy: Well, that is one advantage of motorcycling, I will concede, but there is a disadvantage, because, I was talking to a surgeon, just last week, and he was telling me, you know these new bikes that have got a very pronounced fuel tank in front of the saddle?
Richard: Yeah, a lot of sports bikes...
Jeremy: Do you know what the most common injury is now, when you've had an accident? Your testes... torn off.
Richard: Oh! Ooh no!
Jeremy: It's a fact! So you can do that [holds up fingers in a V] to a speed camera, but the next thing you know...

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: On tonight's show it's all about challenges! Which can get down a mountain the fastest: a rally car or a bobsleigh? Are modern-day showroom cars faster than racing cars from not that long ago? And can a Formula 1 Renault get round our track... in less than a minute?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: On tonight's show: How fast can a blind man get round our track? How much Porsche can you get for 1500 pounds? And Britain's most successful recording artist ever is in our Reasonably-Priced Car.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: On tonight's show: James celebrates 50 years of guitar music... in a Mercedes; a Broken Arrow star in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and I tackle the world's most fearsome race track... in a diesel.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: On tonight's show: Richard takes an American muscle car in a road movie... across Lincolnshire; a 4-door saloon goes head-to-head with a Lamborghini; and it's the Top Gear Awards for the best and worst of 2004.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: just the thing for an already confused world, another Porsche 911; we get sand in the trunks of 3 muscle cars; and how many bouncy castles can you jump in an ice-cream van?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard finds the world's maddest car... in Switzerland; an absolutely fabulous Star in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and the new Viper attempts to write its own name... in rubber!

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Richard wets himself in a small hatchback; we play conkers with caravans; and a clash of the titans: Aston vs. Ferrari on our track.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: the Ferrari Enzo, the Jaguar XJ220, the Pagani Zonda, the McLaren F1, the Ferrari F40 and the Porsche Carrera GT!