Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons
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Peg: Listen, Al. You suffered a head injury today. You're probably seriously hurt and require immediate medical attention. Now go to sleep.
Peg: Now Mr. Grover over here, he doesn't believe in Halloween. So I say we ring his doorbell over and over again anyhow.
Bud: Well, how come?
Peg: He's a Jehovah's Witness and I just want him to know what it feels like for a change.
Bud: Well, how come?
Peg: He's a Jehovah's Witness and I just want him to know what it feels like for a change.
Peg: Now, that is a real man, not some high school football hero who got married and turned to mush.
Al: Well, I guess it's true what they say: you are what you marry.
Al: Well, I guess it's true what they say: you are what you marry.
Peg: Oh, Al, the rubes think I'm sexy.
Al: Yeah, I would too, Peg, if I drank whiskey for breakfast.
Al: Yeah, I would too, Peg, if I drank whiskey for breakfast.
Peg: Oh, another fishing catalog. What am I looking at, Al? The apron that says, "He catches 'em, I cook 'em. He eats 'em, I love him"?
Al: Nah, you'd wear it, but you wouldn't mean it. No, I was talking about the five-and-a-half-foot meteor-graphite bait casting rod, with the high-speed star drag level wind reel.
Peg: [with mock excitement] Yippee skip! And a mere 275 dollars. Oh, Al, let's buy it. We can do without food and heat for a year.
Al: [surprised] You wouldn't mind?
Al: Nah, you'd wear it, but you wouldn't mean it. No, I was talking about the five-and-a-half-foot meteor-graphite bait casting rod, with the high-speed star drag level wind reel.
Peg: [with mock excitement] Yippee skip! And a mere 275 dollars. Oh, Al, let's buy it. We can do without food and heat for a year.
Al: [surprised] You wouldn't mind?
Peg: Okay Al, let's go over this one more time. What do you work as?
Al: Garbageman.
Peg: How often do we do we make love?
Al: Five times a year.
Peg: It's five times a week, Al.
Al: Oh, come on, Peg, no one's going to believe that.
Peg: I'm not asking you to do it. Just say it. Okay, now, how many children have we got?
Al: None.
Al: Garbageman.
Peg: How often do we do we make love?
Al: Five times a year.
Peg: It's five times a week, Al.
Al: Oh, come on, Peg, no one's going to believe that.
Peg: I'm not asking you to do it. Just say it. Okay, now, how many children have we got?
Al: None.
Peg: On this very special occasion I want you to wear the dress that I wore on the happiest day of my life. Unfortunately, the football team kept it.
Peg: So Al, you were staring at that girl too?
Al: Yeah...
Peg: I bet she had great legs.
Al: Yeah...
Peg: And good breasts.
Al: Yeah...
Peg: Do you wanna come upstairs?
Al: Yeah... Wait a minute--with you?
Peg: Oh, yeah!
Al: ...Okay.
Al: Yeah...
Peg: I bet she had great legs.
Al: Yeah...
Peg: And good breasts.
Al: Yeah...
Peg: Do you wanna come upstairs?
Al: Yeah... Wait a minute--with you?
Peg: Oh, yeah!
Al: ...Okay.
Peg: So, are you really sick? You're not trying to get out of going to see my mother.
Al: Now, Peg. That hurts. You know how much I love that huge fat woman.
Al: Now, Peg. That hurts. You know how much I love that huge fat woman.
Peg: There are two things Peggy Bundy doesn't do. Number one: cook, clean, sew, vacuum, iron and parent. And number two: exercise.
Peg: Uh, honey, why don't you stay home and bowl me over?
Al: Because, Peg, I prefer a place where my balls are returned properly.
Al: Because, Peg, I prefer a place where my balls are returned properly.
Peg: Well, at least it's over.
Al: Oh, it's not over. [opens the door, revealing the police] Now it's over!
Al: Oh, it's not over. [opens the door, revealing the police] Now it's over!