Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8 Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
Al: Come on, Jefferson, it's just us, some beer and some Mexican strippers. What could happen?
Al: Hey, Griff, Where's your Christmas spirit?
Griff: My ex-wife got it in the divorce settlement.
Griff: My ex-wife got it in the divorce settlement.
Al: Hey, Peg, you know what I was dreaming about at work today?
Peg: Me, Al?
Al: Yes, Peg.
Peg: Was I in bed?
Al: Yes you were. In fact, I tied you up.
Peg: Ooh, well, that sounds so kinky, Al. What were you doing?
Al: Cindy Crawford.
Peg: Me, Al?
Al: Yes, Peg.
Peg: Was I in bed?
Al: Yes you were. In fact, I tied you up.
Peg: Ooh, well, that sounds so kinky, Al. What were you doing?
Al: Cindy Crawford.
Al: I think I may have been a little too harsh on my son. After all, the only thing he really did wrong was go in the library in the first place. The rest was totally understandable. I mean, we men have our needs. It's women who tell us these things are wrong. And why? Because they want to take away the only good sex we have.
Al: I want you to get back on that phone and do what you do best: shatter dreams.
Al: I would like to start with a genuine picture of the Loch Ness Monster.
Jefferson: My God, Al, that's horrific. What the hell is it?
Al: A picture of Peg's mom in the bathtub.
Jefferson: My God, Al, that's horrific. What the hell is it?
Al: A picture of Peg's mom in the bathtub.
Al: It's a remote control override. Peg. They're on sale at the Real Man's Shop.
Peg: Well, while you were there, why didn't you pick up a real man?
Al: Don't push it, Peg. It also overrides all of your other handheld electronic devices.
Peg: Well, while you were there, why didn't you pick up a real man?
Al: Don't push it, Peg. It also overrides all of your other handheld electronic devices.
Al: Marcy, me and that Dodge have been together a long time.
Marcy: So have you and your hair and you got rid of that.
Marcy: So have you and your hair and you got rid of that.
Al: The best way to ruin a heartfelt goodbye party is to stay where you're not wanted.
Al: When a Bundy doesn't get what's rightfully his, he makes sure that no one gets it either.
Al: When did you leave?
Peg: Yesterday.
Al: No wonder the sex was good then last night.
Peg: Yesterday.
Al: No wonder the sex was good then last night.
Al: When I felt that hairy hand go in my pocket, I naturally assumed it was Peg.