Ricky: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Fez: Covered in gold chains.
Kelso: Rock star. No, movie star. No. Yeah, rock star.
Hyde: Prison.

Roy: I work here; hotel kitchen manager. I was gonna put out word that we're lookin' for a cook, but then I figured why bother. They'll just leave me like everybody else.
Jackie: So Roy, seem a little depressed there.
Roy: Yeah, I'm teeterin' on the brink.
Hyde: Maybe I can do somethin' to cheer you up.
Roy: Really? Oh, that'd be great.
Cut to the three of them in The Circle:
Roy: So I'm on the Golden Gate Bridge and everyone's tellin' me to jump. I was just out for a jog.
Hyde: Okay Roy, here's what I'm gonna do for you. I'm gonna take that job as cook and keep you company; on two conditions. I'm not gonna work very hard, and you're gonna have to pay me a lot. But man, it'll be a bargain considering the money you save on hookers and shrinks.
Roy: Great! And if it's work related, I can call you at home. Now I have a reason to get a phone.

Theo: I'm not a screw-up like my cousin Leo here.
Leo: It's true, man.
Theo: I used to be like Leo, sitting around all day, wasting my life, by then one day I was in my apartment and then all the smoke cleared-
Kitty: Well, see, Red. That's nice. He had an epiphany.
Theo: Actually, I ran out of weed and the smoke cleared. Then I saw how trashed my apartment was so I rebuilt it. Been a contractor ever since.
Red: Well, I'm sold.

W.B.: So, Steven, how was your first day?
Hyde: Well, I'm kinda glad there isn't a window in here...because I woulda jumped out of it.
W.B.: [laughing] Ah, you kids and your suicide jokes!

[A little kid punches the Alternate Eric at Donna and Hyde's wedding]
Alternate Eric: Ow!
Alternate Kitty: Oh, oh, Jake, honey, honey. Be nice to your big brother. He's not strong like you.
Eric: Brother? What the hell?
Angel: Your parents finally had the son they always wanted.
Alternate Red: Now, son, what do we call Eric?
Jake: Dumbass!
Alternate Red: There's my boy! [Red and Kitty laugh]

[A man goes up to a dark room in the Formans' house, where Fez is. He tries to scare off the man using a camera's flash, but Hyde opens the light. The mysterious man is actually Bob.]
Fez: You can't kill me like you killed Midge, you big doofy!
Bob: Kill Midge? I didn't kill Midge. She's in Chicago visiting her sister.
Fez: Oh, really. Then what was in the heavy garbage sacks?
Bob: Garbage, you idiot.
Hyde: Oh, well I guess that explains the giant knife, the guts all over your apron. Oh, wait, no it doesn't!
Fez: Explain that, killer!
Bob: They were pumpkin guts. I was making Jack-o'-lanterns.
Fez: So, you're hiding Midge's body in a jack-o'-lantern. Clever plan.
Bob: [walks over to the window] Look, there's Midge now. Not dead or nothing. [Fez sees Midge getting undressed]
Fez: Oh goody! You can go now.
Bob: Midgey! No! Cover yourself!

[After Donna refuses to wear bikini]
Sizzling Sarah: Unlike some people I care about this radio station, plus I just love wearing a bikini, when I put one on I jiggle just like jelly!
Eric: Well she jiggles like two perfectly filled water-ballons, but I'm afraid you'll never get to see them, or touch them, or make a motor-boat sound with your mouth between them because she is a LADY!!!

[After Donna's boss fires her]
Eric: I'm a gentleman and never use this kind of language, but Mr. Randall you are one six-ing seven-ing monkey five-er you think your one don't stink well three-off you three-ing three [quoting George Carlin's Seven words You Can't Say on Television or Radio

[After Eric brings up Luke Skywalker to a conversation about getting Donna in California]
Red: Oh, would you stop! Luke Skywalker this, Luke Skywalker that, I'm sick and tired of hearing about that little fruit!
Eric: Luke Skywalker is NOT!!!...He and Leia clearly-I... [calms down] Mom, Dad. This is important.
Red: No. No California. You know what's important?: School. You're gonna be a senior, and you need to buckle down.
Kitty: Luke Skywalker would have buckled down.

[After Jackie mauls Laurie]
Donna: I can't believe Laurie bit me. I hope she didn't give me slut rabies.
Eric: Jackie, you're my hero. [Jackie looks confused. Eric continues] You hit her in the eye.
Jackie: Yeah but I guess it wasn't very zen of me, was it Hyde?
Hyde: Well, where zen ends, ass-kicking begins. And that's your final lesson, grasshopper.

[after Kelso tries in vain to convince the others he had sex with Brooke, she comes to the basement]
Brooke: Michael, we have to talk.
Kelso: Yeah? About what?
Brooke: About our night together at the Molly Hatchet concert.
Kelso: Excuse me.
[to Fez]
Kelso: Burn!
[to Donna]
Kelso: Burn!
[to Eric]
Kelso: Burn!
[to Hyde and Jackie]
Kelso: Burn!
[Kelso runs upstairs to the kitchen]
Kelso: [to Kitty] Burn!
[to Red]
Kelso: Burn!
[Kelso runs back downstairs]
Kelso: [To everyone calmly] Burn. We totally did it!
Brooke: Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant.
Kelso: [defensively] I never touched her!

[After Kitty and her sister, Paula, patch their differences]
Paula Sigurdson: Kitty, would you like a makeover?
Kitty: Oh, I really would.
Paula: Okay!
Kitty: [apprehensive] I wouldn't look like a whore, would I?

[Annette's behavior when she is with Kelso is strangely familiar to Eric and Donna]
Eric: Did you hear that? The shrill voice, the bossy tone, the random hatred of all things that bounce. Oh my God, she's Jackie.
Donna: A new Jackie.
Eric: A blonde Jackie.
Eric and Donna: Blackie!!! [a dramatic chord plays]
Fez: We're doomed!

[Arriving home after watching Annie Hall]
Eric: Hey, do you wanna go see Close Encounters sometime?
Kitty: Oh, I'd love to.
Eric: Very cool. Good night, Mom. [kisses Kitty on cheek before going to the kitchen. Red walks in as Kitty starts to cry.]
Red: Oh, what'd he do? I swear I'll kick his ass!

[As Hyde is taken into custody over marijuana]
Jackie: Steven Hyde, you were right. We will never be friends. We'll be more than friends. Because now I love you!
Hyde: Oh, my God, will you shut up?
Season 3