Donna: I want to send Eric some sexy photos.
Sam: Sure. I have some in the car. Want me to go get them?

Donna: (voice recording) Happy birthday Eric. I have a sexy surprise for you. Look across into my window. Yeah, I thought you'd like those. Now come over here and I'll...
Randy: Hey.
Donna: (turns off tape) Hey.
Randy: What's up?
Donna: Nothing. Just, you know, hanging out.
Randy: Cool. I've never sat on the hood of a car with a girl before?
Donna: Yeah, actually, you know what. This car was kind of...
Randy: (notices the lightsaber) Ooh.
Donna: Oh.
Randy: A lightsaber.
Donna: Yeah, that belonged to someone. Now lets...
Randy: Check it out. (Donna imagines Randy with Eric's hair and clothing while he's swinging the lightsaber) I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you. (Randy continues swinging the lightsaber)
Donna: Stop it. (pushes Randy of the Vista Cruiser)
Randy: What the hell?
Donna: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, this is, this is just too weird. I can't do this. I can't see you anymore.
Randy: You could of just said you didn't like Star Wars.

Fez: First, let me grab your melons.
Jackie: Ooh, aren't they nice and firm?
Fez: Yeah, here grab my banana.
Jackie: Ooh, it's so big.
Don Knotts: Okay, you perverts, stop it right now! Fruit salad again? Why can't they ever be having sex?

Kelso: I can't believe it's our last circle together. Wait... Oh! Now I know why we called it a circle! Thats freaking awesome!

Kelso: Jacqueline Burkhart, will you marry me?
Jackie: Oh, Michael, no!
Kelso: No?
Jackie: No!
Kelso: Jackie, you just made me the happiest man on earth! I cant believe I wanted to marry you! That was my worst idea ever! And I had some really bad ideas. I mean, a Firecracker Suit -- come on! What the hell was THAT?!?
Hyde: The best fourth of June ever, that's what.

Kitty: Ooh, this pineapple reminds me of Donna. It's a little tart.
Bob: Hey, don't call my daughter names, you can call me names. I really wish you wouldn't.
Kitty: Why, I just..., I don't know what she sees in Randy. He's so charming, and, and friendly, and always willing to lend a helping hand. What a jackass.
Bob: Well, I like him. He calls me Mr. P. Where did he come up with that one?
Red: Kitty, if Donna's going to date anyone, why not him? I mean, he's bright, he's good with tools, and most important, he has never once tried to teach me the Ways of the Jedi.
Kitty: Wait a minute. You like Randy, too?
Red: Well, I'm just saying. I don't hate him as much as I hate most people.
Kitty: Well you have said a lot of hurtful things, but this is the worst! (she walks away)
Red: Kitty?
Bob: She's crazy. This pineapple's delicious.

Red: [catching Kitty smoking the gang's stash in the bathroom]): What do you have to say for yourself?
Kitty: I'M STARVING!

Red: Will you Just Listen?!
Kitty: Oh, Red. I'd love to talk to you, but I have to check the pressure in my tires.
Hyde: Hey Red. Kitty told Sam the presents weren't for her and I'm kind of in trouble. I got us each a bouquet of flowers for the ladies.
Red: Kitty! I got you roses! (to Hyde) See how it feels, dumbass?!

[At a veterans' reunion, Red is flustered that Leo is actually a World War II veteran despite his hippie appearance]
Red: I can't believe Leo is a veteran. I don't know whether to like him a little more or like myself a little less.
Bob: Red, this was supposed to be your special night. We should be the ones over there getting free drinks.
Red: "We"?
Bob: I spent all my money on this costume.
Red: [walks up to Leo] So Leo, what exactly did you do in the war? I mean, just besides drive a supply truck.
Veteran: Just drive a supply truck?! Leo, did you tell them what you did?
Leo: Nah. It's embarrassing.
Veteran: You gotta tell 'm!
Leo: All right. I peed on Jane Fonda.
Veteran: Leo here drove his truck right into a German tank formation and rescued an entire platoon.
Bob: Really?!
Veteran: Didn't you get a medal for that?
Leo: Yeah. I forget what it was called, but it was shaped like a purple heart.
Red: Damn Leo. I'm impressed [shakes Leo's hand] From one veteran to another, I'd like to buy you a drink.
Leo: Actually, I like to buy you a drink.
Bob: I'll take a drink.
Red: Sorry. This round is for men who fought for Uncle Sam, not spent the war hiding in their Uncle Sam's house.
Leo: Hey man, even if he didn't see action, he still deserves a drink.
Red: All right, fine.
Leo: Bartender, one Shirley Temple!

[Donna is preparing to broadcast from Grooves]
Donna: You guys, the radio station asked me to host an on-air fundraiser for the Children's Library. A year ago I was doing the Farm Report and now it's gonna be Hot Donna all day long. That right. I'm gonna be referring to myself in the third person from now on.
Randy: Wait. You're not doing the Farm Report anymore? [makes hillbilly accent] Well how am I supposed to know if my corns-a-gonna grow?
Donna: And I told my boss, that I'm not getting off the air until I've raised 500 bucks. Which'll be easy, cause my fans do anything I say. Like, there was this one time, when I told everybody to get up and dance when I played Tear The Roof Off The Sucker. There was almost a riot at the prison!
Jackie: [sarcastic] Yeah. Thanks a lot Donna. My Dad had to hide under his bunk.

[Donna waits for Eric on the Vista Cruiser, reminiscing about their relationship.]
Eric: Happy New Year.
Donna: Eric!
Eric: Sorry I'm late. Caught the last flight out. So... awkward! [both of them laugh] So, how are you?
Donna: I start college next week.
Eric: Oh, that's awesome. [long pause]
Donna: So, what, you just came back here for New Year's Eve?
Eric: Look Donna, when I left, I was so positive that I was doing the right thing, but now I've been gone so long --
Donna: [teary] Eric, things are a lot different now.
Eric: Yeah, it's just... Donna, I thought about you, like, every day. And you know what? It turns out that Red was right. I am a dumbass. [pause] Donna, I'm sorry. [Kisses Donna]
Cast

[Fez is nursing a face wound Caroline gave to him after she sees Jackie kiss him]
Fez: Jackie, what was that kiss all about?
Jackie: Fez it's something that I wanted to do for a really long time. And I was wondering..you know, hoping, that maybe you and I could be together.
Fez: You want to be with me?!
Jackie: Yeah. I mean Fez, my life has been so crappy lately that you have been the one good thing.
Fez: Well. So you want me because you're lonely? Great, so that makes me what, your last resort?
Jackie: No Fez. You're wrong, it's not...
Fez: You know what Jackie, forget it. You went to be with Kelso AND Hyde. I don't wanna be your sloppy thirds. [Jackie goes to her room]

[Hyde tries to shoot a basketball to determine whether to stay with Samantha]
Hyde: [to Donna] It's a tough decision, man. I'll let the ball decide. If I make the shot, stay with Sam. If it misses, I say goodbye. [shoots; ball gets jammed into hoop's crevice]
Donna: Huh. God's funny.

[Jackie reveals other items in her Ideal Guy list.]
Jackie: There are plenty of other things on this list. My perfect guy compliments me, buys me presents and comes when I call... and none of that describes Fez.
Fez: [enters] Did you call me?
Jackie: What? No, I...
Fez: Wow Jackie, you look fantastic today. Ah, which reminds me, I got you a present. [gives gift] Enjoy. Bye, guys! [exits]
Randy: Whoa, that was weird!

[Jackie tries to hit on Donna's date, who walks away]
Jackie: [rants off at bar patrons] Ah come back here! Nobody ignores Jerky Backhart! I am adorable! I am engaging and I'm DAMN likeable. And if you're too stupid to see that, then I feel sorry for you! [her dress slips off her shoulder] 'Cause if anyone should be the center of attention here, it's me.
Donna: Jackie! [tries to cover Jackie up]
Jackie: Get off me! [Donna whispers something in her ear] What the hell is a "boobs out"? [looks down] AAARRGGHHHH!!!!